Age Dilemma

[gijayne40]

Hi All,

I would really apreciate some truthful advice on a situation I am experiencing at the moment. I am a woman of 40 and am very lucky as I can easily pass for 32-33....No-one ever guesses my age (Good genes I guess). I am told that I am a very attractive woman with a slim figure and I wear very stylish clothes as I work in fashion.

I joined up to a Dating site 6 months ago and have been on quite a few dates. On my profile age, I have put 34. I know, I shouldn't have lied about my age but there is very good reason for this and I will make it clear later.

If my dates are going well and can see that there could be more dates to come, then I come clean about my true age (I've always had every intention in telling the truth) . Usually the dates are a little surprised and make out they don't mind when obviously they do as I usually don't get a second date and I never hear from them again.
There were only two of my dates, that wanted something further but with both guys the relationship just fizzled out after a couple of dates.

I know I'm answering my own question here but are men that shallow when it comes to age?

I tend to date younger guys as I feel I have more in common with them - I still like going to nice bars etc etc, usually share the same taste of music as I am a very youthful 40 year old.

I find that men my own age, have either lost their character or are no fun and I also find guys my own age just want to date women in their 20's and 30's so where does that leave me?

It seems so unfair.

In an ideal world, I would love to meet a man of 40 who has a youthful outlook on life but this is extremely very hard to find.

So what do I do?

[oldskool83]

i can understand your deal here. maybe in your profile just say your age range if you havent.

[Mathias]

If you said you were 34 when you were 40, and told me you lied to me, I wouldn't call you again because you lied before we even had our first date.

Too many options out there to ignore that huge red flag.

[Wakeup]

OP: You're being disingenuous from the get go. Surely you know how many men and women are hood-winked by disingenuous people when online dating. Whether you intend to confess right away or not, your profile is false and I'm sure these men are wondering what eles you're capable of lying about. It is indeed a red flag.

You ask what you should do. If you want to attract men who are younger than you and you're afraid that your self proclaimed youthful good looks isn't enough bait to hook someone then at least put right in your profile your real age and your reasons for using a younger age for coming up in searches.

I would also think that younger men looking for cougars wouldn't exclude a 40 year old that is in good shape and has an intriguing profile however don't expect them to be serious about their intentions. I'd venture to say that the majority of them are just out fishing in a barrel.

Good luck

[gijayne40]

Thanks - I've already but an age bracket of 32-45...to me, this seems feasible.

[gijayne40]

Maybe I just could not believe men would be so shallow with regards to age? The guys I've been on dates with all guessed me to be between 31-33 so why when I reveal my real age are they so disappointed - I'm still the same person they see in front of them.

[Mathias]

Maybe I just could not believe men would be so shallow with regards to age? The guys I've been on dates with all guessed me to be between 31-33 so why when I reveal my real age are they so disappointed - I'm still the same person they see in front of them.

Again, we're not disappointed because you're 40. We're disappointed because this attractive, fun woman lied to us.

If you're not going to read replies and simply repeat your own conclusions, why come here?

[oldskool83]

if i was told somone age was 1 number say from a friend and never questioned it but later found out the real age i'd prob excuse it. if you lie to me right off the bat, not cool. i think you should post your real age, i belive people will apprecate it more and hopefully you'll have less and less dates because somone will stick around then.

[Wakeup]

I don't understand why you can't wrap your head around the fact that if you lie then people will resent you for it. It has sweet fk all with them being shallow about age.

How would you feel if a guy had on his profile that he was 5'11" tall but when you met him he was only 5'8." Would you care that he lied?
How about if he said he didn't smoke but when he gets there he lights one up. Would you excuse him if he lied just to improve his dating options?

You're not taking responsibility for your own failure. Try being honest and just stop being disingenuous and perhaps you'll get more than one dinner out of them. (do you pay your half?) *grinz*

[Mona_B]

What is the point lying about age anyway? If you tell the truth, a. people don't assume you are a fake and b. it rules out the guys who are not into older women and you don't have to waste your time.

Some men just aren't, they want a young girl. I assume, you don't like older men so much? So each to his own, they have the same right as you have to choose. Just live with it and be honest in the future.

I am 51, I could easily deduct a few years also and yes, I like men a few years younger. But it would not cross my mind to lie about my age.

[HeartIsAching]

Gonna have to agree with everyone here. If you lied to me (about anything!) before a first date, and revealed it on the date, I'd be ticked off.

[gijayne40]

Although, I apreciate everyone's comments to my post I really wasn't expecting to get a tirade of abuse. Ok, I should never have lied in the first place about my age, and sure enough I do feel bad about it but when men of say 33-34 say things such as:- 'Do you still have sex at 40' ?? Wow, you are atrractive at 40?? Or 'your in good shape for 40'? although compliments, they are also insults at the same time, its almost like women of 40 are not supposed be attractive now?? so this is the reason why i lied in the 1st place...hope this makes sense.

I do now know that the lie is not working for me and now I will put my real age and just see what happens. afterall, honesty is the best policy and I never felt comfortable about lying in the first instance. I'm not one for deceiving anyone and i wouldn't like someone to deceive me either.

thankyou for all your responses.

[Wakeup]

I'm starting to see why you don't get a second date and I don't think your true age or false age has much to do with it. O_o

[HeartIsAching]

I'm starting to see why you don't get a second date and I don't think your true age or false age has much to do with it. O_o

Um.... yeah. *blink*

[gijayne40]

What do you think the problem is then?