should i leave?

[sonali]

I am an Indian girl who got married to an American (caucasian) guy 13 years ago. We do not have the ideal relationship. We have gotten involved in alcohol and drug addiction. We have no friends left. I still have a relationship with my family, but he does not.

I have contemplated leaving this relationship for years, but feel compelled to stay. I got married so young and feel that I have changed so much from my husband. I don't know what would become of him if I left. He depends on me completely. Although I want to leave, I don't want to hurt him.

For the last few years, I have looked upon the Indian community to help fill some of the emptiness in my life. Now, after spending more time with Indians, I feel that I want to explore my roots more. I feel at ease and not like such a foreigner.

I am so confused. I want to leave this marriage, but I fear what will happen to him and me.

[vashti]

What exactly are you afraid will happen?

Honestly, once drug/alcohol addictions are a factor, I say every man should be for himself. You are in no position to help him if you are addicted, so that shouldn't be your motivation for staying, IMO. If you want to be nice, refer him to a program that can help him get cleaned up, and then focus on yourself.

[sonali]

I guess my biggest fear is that we will be alone. I think we are dependent on each other. I worry how he will be cope without me.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Sweetie, you need to worry more about yourself and getting on a path to recovery.

[snoz]

It almost seems like you're describing him like a drug. You know it's bad but you don't want to leave because it's what you've become accustomed to.

I agree with vasht, you need to think for yourself, you need to help yourself before you can even start to think about helping someone else. There is professional help for him and probably best left to a professional while you sort your life out as well.

[sonali]

He IS kind of like a drug to me. I married him when I was 18 years old. I haven't loved anyone else. We have grown apart over the years, but still stayed together. Now, I feel that I might be better off with someone from my country and culture. I don't know what the right thing to do is....

[Gigabitch]

The right thing to do is tell him you can't continue in this lifestyle and ask him to join you on a road to recovery. If he won't, you have to go without him.