How do I handle a new physical attraction vs. my dwindling longterm relationship

[back2themiddle]

Ok so let me start off by saying that I am responsible for putting myself into this situation and now I am looking for advice on how to resolve it.

I have been dating the same girl for 2 1/2 years. We are both very young we started dating in our teens and I am 3 years older than her. Our relationship started off as just friends and honestly neither of us really thought it was going to become anything more than that until our friends dared us to hookup and as stupid as that sounds it turned into something that is much more than a random hookup. The first few months were rocky, she was very inexperienced when it came to being in a relationship and in bed for that matter. It's safe to say that this was one of those relationships that started out as friends rather than a physical attraction - i'm not sure which ones are better.

Anyway, so things eventually worked themselves out and as we became more comfortable with each other the relationship grew very strong and usually at our age couples seem to break up like every few months for like a day or two because of a stupid fight but that never happened to us. Over time, her parents became very lax with me staying over at night and after a year or so it was no big deal that we slept together almost every night. This was awesome we thought and we began to literally never ever be apart.

Once she graduated high school she started to attend the same college as me. We were excited about this as well, however both of us commuted so we still lived with our parents. Over time I started to spend the better part of the week at her house and quite literally 'moved out' of my house and into hers because I lived further away from school. Things were great at first, but with the combination of a long-term relationship and effectively living together we lost some of the passion that used to be present in our relationship. Our schedules were completely different, and I would find myself coming home late at night when she would already be asleep and I would have to do homework and then get into bed really late, and the subsequent morning she would be off to work or school before I even woke up.

By this point, the love really had removed itself from our relationship and it was like we were just friends who lived with each other. Sex came rarely if at all, and we never had the urge to do anything even on weekends because of work and other engagements. This is when things really took a turn for the worst.

Going out with my friends was something she never wanted to do because she always had to work early in the morning. One night when with my friends I found myself attracted to another girl and this was scary because for the previous 2 years I had never been interested in anyone else. We seemed to hit it off, and she was a polar opposite of my girlfriend - very flirty, sexy, outgoing, and there was a lot of sexual tension. However, she has a boyfriend but she had made it known that their relationship was suffering as well.

We started to talk a lot, and within a few weeks of the initial conversation we were both very much into each other. I'm sure the problem is obvious now - are we both just gravitating towards each other because our significant others are not satisfying us? The lack of sex in my relationship is sadly playing a very large role.

Things now stand that my girlfriend and I are on a "break" because in the advent of my meeting this other girl it really exposed me to some of the issues I was ignoring in my current relationship (the fact that my gf is extremely demanding, has a problem with me going out with my friends, and basically relies on me to do just about everything for her with no thanks in return) This new girl also has been so much more positive than my gf and more encouraging of my endeavors - but I cannot tell if thats because we just met or she's genuinely interested.

I need to know what the right way to go about this situation is. The feelings between this other girl and I are getting out of hand and I don't want the reason for a breakup with my current one to be only because there is someone else in the picture but rather because I think we will both be better off. If the love is not there anymore, and it wasn't one of the factors that really played into the equation in the beginning, how do you know when to end it or try to rekindle it? I am very lost right now and I feel guilty, upset, and angry all at the same time because I can't rationally decide what is the best thing to do.

Ladies I know I probably come off as an asshole, but I am really trying to genuinely fix this situation with the utmost care least amount of pain. Can someone please help me out?

[alovehangoverr]

Alright. How do you know if you should end a relationship or rekindle the love? The easy answer is there has to be a want and desire to stay in this relationship [want and desires for this potential other girl aside.] If you don't have that, you have your answer.

Listen, you're young. You started the relationship young. It's been a few years, you've both grown up, have different experiences, etc.. it's not really unheard of for a relationship like this to have run its course.

It really boils down to-- what do you want? Do you want to continue with your current girlfriend? Are you willing to put the time/energy/effort in to make your relationship close to what it was? Are you willing to work through your issues?

It's all up to you.

As for this other girl-- you need to SERIOUSLY back off. If your feelings are getting out of hand, then it needs to end. You need to focus on your current situation, not your potential situation.

Also, this other girl? SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. Automatically bad news. I'd also be incredibly weary of any girl who announces soon into meeting you that she's have boyfriend problems-- that's like a cheaters go ahead sign that it's ok if you pursue her because her relationship sucks. Listen, if her relationship was as bad as she was trying to make it seem, she'd leave. It's really that simple. On top of that.. if you do end it with your current long term girlfriend and jump into something with this girl it sounds like it'll likely be a purely physical rebound.

So to wrap this up-- figure out what you want and need and leave this other girl alone until both of you have your shit sorted out.

[bluesummer]

All I can say is that the grass is always greener on the other side. You two ARE gravitating towards each other because you're not satisfied in your current relationships. It's not really a good basis to be starting a new relationship on, is it?

I always tell people the same thing.....DON'T break up with someone to be with someone else. It feels good at the time, but it doesn't mean it's right, nor is it going to make everything better. You two need to end your relationships first, and for the RIGHT reasons. Learn how to either fix or end your relationship in a responsible adult manner.