Just found out that my Girlfriend is a Sex Worker!!?

[Ziffmonger]

Hi. Was wondering if anyone else had any insight/advice into this situation... Been seeing this nice girl for a year now. She's an incest survivor, quiet, really sweet and innocent type.

However, very secretive. Always hiding her phone, locking bathroom doors etc. She told me upfront that she does massage, (shes only 21). I thought to myself at first, "okay, it's a living as long as its legit".

Long story short, I found out that she's been doing "sensual massage with a release".. I was heart broken. It killed me to see that there was this other life she was living along with us having genuwine fun together. I stumbled upon some of her ads, emails from men asking for nasty stuff. Spankings, one wanting her to do it topless.

I couldnt believe my eyes with her simple, matter of factly replies like, "sure no problem, just call me 2 hrs. in advance", "you seem like a nice man so the prospect of doing it topless may happen i the future, but I dont feel comfortable with nude"..etcetcetc.

I answered one of her ads and went off on her. I busted her secret so wide open her head spinning. She was beside herself. Ashamed? She tried to lie to me saying she doesnt have sex with them or suck their D---ks etc.

But it killed me to know that this sweet girl (with childhood sex abuse issues) was leading a double life. Shes so quiet and polite, Its unbelieveable. So after her numerous emails to me to apologize for hurting me etc. I've had to decide whether I can still keep her in my life in some way. I thought I could revert her but I've found that I cannot and she obviously continues to make extra money this way. Has a client that REALLY thinks the world of her. It makes me sick. It hurts, and yet, I dont want to let her go.

I'm confused as to what I can do. Some will say I'm stupid for giving her a 2nd chance, some will say if I can deal with it, than leave it as long as she comes home to me...

I would like to hear some thoughts, advice, experience on my current situation. I deep down know that i should leave her be and move on. But another part of me just wants to keep on having the fun we always did and "deal" with it.

Can someone give me some input here please?

[vashti]

I don't know how a person could overlook this level of deception. She isn't the girl you thought she was, and you aren't likely to ever trust her again. For me, trust is a pretty vital component of a relationship.

BTW - you mentioned twice she is an incest survivor. While that is really sad, I feel compelled to point out that she still made this choice. She probably needs some professional help.

[Ziffmonger]

Thanks for your input. In the year of our relationship, and her secretiveness, I certainly did suspect something wasnt quite right. But when I did my police work(i hate that i had to even go there) and confirmed my suspicions, it was still a big and dissapointing shock to me!

And you know what-I'm having a big problem trusting her. I at times "torture" myself imagining what she's doing with those dirty old basta---! I hate them but then it's not their faults cause she's offering her damned services.

I agree that trust is vital, I'm just having a hard time letting go.

I have had serious talks with her suggesting that she seek professional help. While she told me she would like to, she hasnt actually made any attempt. I know that she does definitely need help, but I cant make her do it....Would you flat out leave her if you were me??What would you do with it?

[Ziffmonger]

I don't know how a person could overlook this level of deception. She isn't the girl you thought she was, and you aren't likely to ever trust her again. For me, trust is a pretty vital component of a relationship.

BTW - you mentioned twice she is an incest survivor. While that is really sad, I feel compelled to point out that she still made this choice. She probably needs some professional help.

VASHTI. Not sure if i'm using this site correctly. pls. let me know if you received my replie.

[vashti]

You are a very young guy, and I don't see the value of settling at this age. If you were my brother/son/friend, I'd want more for you.

And yes, you are using the site correctly.

[vashti]

You can send me a PM. Just click on my name, and click on send private message.

[Gigabitch]

Ziff, just so you know, most of those "massage with release" deals involve a hand job, not penetration or a blow job.

This in no way means that she's not having sex with these people- it's still sex, IMO, but you should know what you're dealing with.

Long story short- you can't handle what she does. Even if she stopped right now, you'd never fully trust her and never let her move past it. Your relationship is ruined. Let it go.

[anachronistic]

get her out of your life.

some women have no dignity or respect for the people they love.

[Ziffmonger]

Gig, Thanks for the info. It was a little comforting to read what you said about what that massage is "most"of the time. But still, there is that sad possibility of having sex...and how inconsiderate to me that I may even get sick or something!

And the really sad part about it is if it wasnt for this double life-we would have been soo happy. Lots of fun!! She knows that i know, and yet she still wont give it up. She said she did cause she started a decent job, but I know that she hasnt. it's like she enjoys it! She said she doesnt...what do you think?

[Ziffmonger]

Thanks for your advice. She has broken the trust in an inreversible way. Yet...it's hard to let go. I am driving myself crazy!!!

[vashti]

I suggest if you break it off, you ought not try the "let's be friends" route. It only tends to prolong people's pain.

[Ziffmonger]

I know...Thanks Vashti, i appreciate all this advice from you and everyone.

I need to hear the hard facts to push me to what i have to do for my own good.

[anachronistic]

Gig, Thanks for the info. It was a little comforting to read what you said about what that massage is "most"of the time. But still, there is that sad possibility of having sex...and how inconsiderate to me that I may even get sick or something!

And the really sad part about it is if it wasnt for this double life-we would have been soo happy. Lots of fun!! She knows that i know, and yet she still wont give it up. She said she did cause she started a decent job at Ballys, but I know that she hasnt. it's like she enjoys it! She said she doesnt...what do you think?

if she didn't enjoy it should would have put herself out of that position. she should have when she got with you.

you need her out of your life for good. cut off all contact.

[vashti]

I know...Thanks Vashti, i appreciate all this advice from you and everyone.

I need to hear the hard facts to push me to what i have to do for my own good.

We all need a little push sometimes.

[Ziffmonger]

if she didn't enjoy it should would have put herself out of that position. she should have when she got with you.

you need her out of your life for good. cut off all contact.

So right. She should've given it up when she saw I was taking care of her.