a man with a stutter

**loverman1** · 06-01-10, 10:12 PM

I'm a young man from the uk, i'm not bad looking, but i'm very shy due to the fact of my stuttering problem, for those of you that don't know its when somebody finds it very hard to speak words that other people take for granted. Off course i find it easier to talk to my close friends than to girls who i find attractive.

I work with a girl and i'll be very honest, it was love at first sight..well almost but i did fall in love with her just from a few glances. After about a month of frustation i finally did talk with her, and this was a big step fer me, it was a dream just to talk with this girl and it felt wonderful. The very next day we were friends on facebook and the next two months we dated.

There were days when she was very excited to be with me, and other days when i felt unwanted. My speech problem was a constant thorn and i felt sorry for her because sometimes i just could'nt manage. She decided that we did'nt have a future. This was'nt due to my speech but how it effects me, as it makes me become very shy around people.

You can imagine how i felt, i was very upset and hurt and became a little crazy about my problem. Its something that has held me back in my life and now i've lost a woman who i truely and deeply loved. I decided to try and fix what i have and let me tell you..its a giant mountain, so i spent hours, days, and weeks just talking and talking and talking.

After a couple of months we became close again, and we talked everyday and also on facebook. But there was a problem in that she had to go away for six weeks to her home country to study. When she left she told me she would miss me and talked about spending time together when she comes back.

She had to come back two weeks earlie from her home country because of problems. She ended up calling her old boyfriend and he took her in. They now live together but she does'nt even love him, she told me this and even when they were together the first time for two years she did'nt love him then.

Its hard for anyone to understand but if i overcome what i have then i know deep down inside..i would be perfect for her, this is what kills me the most . I also know that she is wrong for me, but its just love and when i'm able to let go it feels like i have unfinished business...

i know what i have to do but i was wondering about your opinions?
and i've learnt about loving yourself before you give yourself to another, this is very true, because i was never comfortable with myself, so how can she be comfortable with me

**IncognitoSir** · 07-01-10, 01:37 AM

Well, first, I appauld you for taking the time to better your speech problem. That is a huge mountain to overcome. I'd recommend you keep her at a distance though. If shes living with her ex now, theres no telling what may happen between them. Even if she says she doesn't love him, we all know that he obviously still has feelings for her or else he wouldn't of taken her in. Its a real tough situation man, but you should consider your own well being before you think of pursuing her now. It would be torture for you to fall deeply in love with this girl all over again and watch her go home to her ex everyday. IMO, not worth the heartache man.

**Sonrisa** · 07-01-10, 01:55 AM

I want to see a picture of you! sometimes looks can make up for all disabilities

**sookie6** · 07-01-10, 02:18 AM

You need to be with someone who accepts you for who you are.

A stutter should not be an obstacle to love. At the same time if she has admitted that it (or the effects it has on you) is a problem she will not be happy with you and therefore not make you happy.

Sorry...she does not seem to be the right girl for you.

Not worth pursuing. It is harsh truth. Look around and keep your eyes opened for someone more grounded and sincere.

(I know it is all easier said than done, we've all been there but I am trying to give you as good advice as possible).

**SirWagginston** · 07-01-10, 02:39 AM

Here's what you do.

First, take time off for yourself. Enjoy being who you are in a way that helps you get your mind off of this girl.

Next, work hard at getting over your problems--both the shyness, and the speech impediment which is its root. You may never overcome the latter completely, but do your best, and you can control it. I know, you might be thinking, "Sure, easy for you to say." Actually, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Tourette's Syndrome, insomnia, and a few other nice psychiatric labels, and I have to do the same thing.

Once you've reached a new level of control, start talking to girls, again. The more you get along with them, the more you'll feel empowered and not reliant upon any one. Once you've done this enough to make you seem like someone who doesn't need to be "fixed," the girl you're talking about now may come running back to you. Ignore her. Find a new girl you can dig, maybe kind of like the last one, but make sure that this girl wouldn't have abandoned you if you were still struggling. If at any point you suspect she would have, tell her to **** off, because you didn't do all that hard work for nothing.

Enjoy yourself.

**loverman1** · 07-01-10, 08:21 PM

thanks..the responses are all helpful.

I will tell you that this certain girl does'nt really care about how i speak but only the effects the stutter has on me. I think i have the problem, and i need time with hard work.

**SirWagginston** · 08-01-10, 05:00 AM

You should show Sonrisa your picture. I'm curious about her judgment.

**Heratriumphant** · 08-01-10, 06:01 AM

I was terribly shy when I was younger, I've worked for years to overcome it. This is going to sound stupid, but one of the things that has helped the most is a silly adage. It became my personal mantra.

"What other people think about me is none of my business."

Doesn't seem like much, but I used to repeat it silently in my head whenever the wall of shyness was holding me back and it would give me that little bit of courage I needed to speak up or interject myself into a conversation.

**abra kadabra** · 08-01-10, 07:37 AM

I too had a stutter when I was younger. Luckily it wasn't so bad and with time and speech therapy it subsided. I am now a successful secondary school teacher and it only rarely causes bother, however I am still somewhat a shy person due to how it made me feel as a kid. I agree with sookie6, that being with someone who accepts you as you are is the key, no matter what ailment. Taking time to work on yourself will only make you stronger and will be well worth the effort

**loverman1** · 08-01-10, 08:06 AM

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JVTybPOz4E"]YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

this is me, i made this video to help others. My speech is not always this smooth.

**loverman1** · 08-01-10, 08:11 AM

.........and just click were it says youtube

**sookie6** · 08-01-10, 08:43 PM

You are a good looking chap... too cute for words...and will become even more sexy and attractive over the years.

Lucky you!

Now what you are doing by adressing your speech impediment and posting this video here is also incredibly brave.

I thank you for your post. Take care.

xxx

**Sonrisa** · 09-01-10, 02:50 AM

doesn't look like you have any problems.

**loverman1** · 09-01-10, 03:26 AM

The video proves i can speak and it took a few takes, but when i talk to my ex girl then its very hard, i remember i was once afraid to see her, afraid even to give her a ride home...I am better now, but i'm not what she needs, not yet anyway.

**abra kadabra** · 09-01-10, 03:29 AM

Although you say your speech is not always as smooth, judging by your video, you should definitely give yourself more credit. You sound like an intelligent and well spoken guy and I bet its this that most people focus on rather than your stuttering.

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