We dated for a month and a half... i want him back..

[creamycoffee]

He, L is my good friend's brother and he was really interested in me. During that time I just broke up with my ex, of whom I had a three year relationship with. L started talking to me and then we hit off really well. But because I was still trying to recover from my previous relationship, I left for a week trip to Los Angeles. When I came back, we decided that we would meet up. Things went really fast then. The second visit, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed.

The reason why I agree was because I felt like I loved him. And I felt he was sincere. We dated secretly for another week before finally announcing it to our friends.

Throughout the two month relationship... It was beautiful. He was the most passionate, gentle and loving man I have so far dated. But I began to feel insecure. I would fight over the smallest thing and tick him off. But I felt that the fights we had was less than any of my other relationships. With him, I feel healthy, like I am not overly-dependent on my lover.

But then, a week ago, we were chatting NORMALLY. He even asked me what time to meet on Friday... when we started fighting. I was not aware of the seriousness in the conversation. That time, I was trying to finish my work while talking to him. I told him thoughtlessly if he didn't want this, it was ok. And to my surprise, his reply was that HE DIDNT WANT IT ANYMORE. Then he paused the video for a while. I knew he was tearing. I knew he was sad too. But he was so stern and he said I should find someone else. He felt he couldn't give me enough of his time. (I was merely complaining about him not being able to meet me on weekdays some time. He is an avid rock climber and gym enthusiast.) He also told me that he felt we are both too different to be together. He said he was really sorry and he still doesn't know what he wants to do in life yet. He doesn't even know where he is going to go.

I was so affected. I did the worst thing by letting my emotions took over me. I called him SO MANY TIMES, tried to talk to him. Tried to text him. He told me to stop texting and calling. The next day, I went to his place, begging for him to give the relationship another try. He was so cold and behaving like a jerk. I tried so bad. I tried holding his hand, he almost held my hand back but took them away. Then I told him to tell me he doens't love me anymore. HE CLOSED his eyes as he said that. (Only when I told him to say with eyes open that he did open his eyes...)

Anyway, I left the place. I tried my best. I texted him one last time and I never looked back.

We have not talked for a week now. Im trying to move on. I just feel like it was something we could work together about. I know he really likes me. He did so many things that he would never do for a girl. He would call me every night without fail, listen to my complains and tried to find me when he can, juggling me, work and his gym. I feel like I was asking for it; mentioning the break up.

I really want him back. I really wish we could go back together. I really believe there is chemistry between us.

Please advice.. Should i text him? Should I continue not contacting him? When is it good to talk back to him? I wish he knows that I am not who he thought I was. Or even so, I wish we could at least stand a chance together...again..

[basilandthyme]

You say that you are not who he thinks you are. So, who was the girl who was needy, insecure and fighting? It was you. Seriously, this IS who you were in the relationship. Then you showed an inability to respect his decision to end things and you made it even worse.

After only two months, there's no reason to work through things together. It's at this early stage of a relationship where sensible people recognise incompatibility and simply end things. The thing about him closing his eyes when he said that he didn't love you? I do that when I'm exasperated - it's not about hiding my emotions - it's more like a type of 'eye roll'. Sorry I can't be more positive, but he'd be crazy to take another chance.

Take some time for yourself and heal. When you become more confident in yourself, you'll make a far better partner for someone new.

[Valixy]

I don't think that you should continue contacting him. You already did this and he told you stop, you apologised, begged him...there is nothing else to do but accept it and move on. You will hurt for some time but nothing hurts forever. For your own good and faster healing you should believe what he said, that he doesn't even want to concentrate on a relationship, that he needs to figure out things about himself, that he thinks that you are too different to work well together and that he doesn't love you anymore. The possibilities for him to have a change of heart are very small since he was so categorical, and the best you can do is to distance yourself and start dealing with the break-up. You'll only suffer more if you keep hanging on false hopes and push him even further if you don't respect his space and decision.

In general we all learn about ourselves through relationships and we become better people. You seem to be on the good way since you've become aware of your faults and admitted them. Also do not think he's Mr. Perfect and that you did all wrong, he's just another human being and maybe he tried his best in this month and a half but this doesn't mean that he is incapable of making mistakes in a relationship or that he won't have to learn a few things in life, just like you're doing at the moment.

[creamycoffee]

thank you I am working hard for myself right now. making myself better. I feel really good. I think he did the right thing.

[Kromat83]

this will be a good example to re-evaluate yourself, and not make the same mistake twice.
He knows, when he did enough to make it work, but just didn't see that It could work.
You need to also respect people's alone time, we have to work on ourselves as well, those will be better off, if you aren't constantly bothering them for attention.
Girls need to understand, as much as we want to share experiences with you, it can't be all about you and just because he can't see you during the weekdays, it shouldn't be a bad thing, it doesn't fit with his schedule.

You only miss him now, because you liked his companionship, and don't like, because he ended it on his terms and you want to prove to him, that the things you did were wrong, but it'll be better to just move on and let him find someoe else.

[michelle23]

I think you need some time out from relationships and men. Learn to be happy on your own. Focus on being an individual who doesnt need a man right now. Until you are emotionally and mentally healthy-you will never have a healthy relationship so all you need to do right now is focus on you.

You were only together 1 and a half months. There should have been zero fights in that time. Healthy couples do not fight much and when they do-its called a discussion or slight disagreement which is resolved quickly and painlessly. And you need to work on boosting your self-esteem and your confidence so you are not insecure in your next relationship. You have to feel like you are good enough, you deserve the best and that will prevent you from settling for someone who is not good for you

Best of luck