im weak and all over :(

[Tech]

unfortunately my partner and I broke up a couple of months ago and what a breakup it was! she got me arrested and accused of something I did not do and such a big shock to me as this is not me, or my character.



I miss her so much, everything, every SINGLE day I think of her, I think about everything we talked about, every single conversation, every single time we went out, held each other... you name it.



I miss her so much, its unbelievable. we were infact going to eventually get married.



thing is, our relationship was so unique and special because I am a professional but have old fashioned moral and ethical values, im a strong person (or I was) and so pure and genuine with alot of sincerity.



this is what made her drive to me, what attracted her to me. She was older, had 2 kids, divorced but had a series of bad relationships in the past but I restored her confidence and everything, and our love we had, was pure and unconditional..... so special.



I helped her so much such as, bailing her out from an eviction (alot of money), helping her with the eldest son who had behavioral issues, supporting her when her ex husband was putting her down over the phone, when she got admitted to hospital, when she was having other issues - i took ALOT on.



pure commitment and dedication and then for someone to accuse me of something like this or set me up? Just unbelievable.



I ALWAYS asked her how she feels about me, how things are etc... and answer was always positive, as I am a person that believes in improvement always.

she also said that she has never been so secure, comfortable ever in her life, not even in her marriage until she met me.
just holding each other in bed was more than enough for us.... but also had good response to showing one another love.

Her friends kept interferring with the relationship which caused all this to happen but also because she was communicating with this guy she apperently had a one night stand with (yet she said to me before she doesnt do such things) and I pointed this out twice to her calmly that I dont appreciate it and this is one of many reasons why relationships fail......
she understood and said it wouldnt happen again but it did.

she would always plead, beg and physically stop me from leaving her premesis when I was upset so I could go home, cool down, reflect on things etc...


this time round she pinned me on the bed before letting me go and since then it has been cold/tension but talking on minimal levels, which to be honest did not make any sense.

then she said that she does still want me, loves me (this was over the period of the downturn but especially the day before), and when things had blown up (they didnt. it was a minor disagreement for heaven sake) she didnt end it because she loves me.


and from there, she kind of set me up and ended it, got me into trouble with the law and so on. not nice at all.

im so weak, on anti depressants and what not. I just wonder who the heck she is with now, how dare she betray me even though she always said and I agree, we were meant to be. it isnt "high school" talk, this was the real deal.

And then this. how dare she wash our love away with someone else if she is with them, how dare she let them touch her and tainting our pure, true love.

im so sad and strained/drained every day. wishing I could talk to her or see her but cannot do this.

she took the best of me and has done this. makes no sense at all. her friends were probably feeding her poisen and controlling her and blaming that on me it is so bad.

just after everything I did for her, and everything we had to be ruined on something so minor.... makes no sense.

i just wish/wonder if she ever thinks of me. probably not, and its my birthday next month..... and she said i was going to have the best one as I never do anything for my birthday.

for HER birthday, I gave her an eternity ring but also bought a cake from a place that makes the queen's cake (I am from the UK). she, and her family, were impressed and happy.

it makes no sense. i just wish she would contact me but that wont be the case. so sick and sad.

why, oh why. I want you darling.... i miss you and you know how great we are together, these are also your words - not mine.


we connect on all levels - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is something that is VERY rare these days but importantly, we both had given up on this until we met..... from the moment we saw each other.... was total bliss.

just makes no sense. why. what we have is so special, so worth it so why do this and ruin it? She even said a couple of times before that she doesnt regret anything but also that we are worth everything (this was earlier in the relationship)

i just wish..... well. i know wishes dont come true, only time it came true was with her.



now its the weekend, once again.... wonder what the hell she is up to, or who she is with. just makes no sense at all. the truth and honesty we had, and we truely felt to be zapped away. hurts horribly.

What makes it worse is that, I feel I will not win this court case she has against me now! Great birthday and xmas present before the year is out.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for God's sake, Tech. Get a hold of yourself. This woman is poison.

[Tech]

thanks.

believe me, i know what you mean but its difficult. so difficult. i just cant stop thinking about her because of everything we were like and what i did for her and us together, as a unit and family.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, yes, you CAN stop thinking about her. You just don't want to.

[Tech]

not true. please dont say or think that. i litrally pass out each day thinking about all this mess and how close we were.

i guess some people just dont understand.

[Chupacabras]

I learned long ago that depressives don't want to be happy. Recognize this in your behaviors and try to understand that you aren't the only person who's ever been in love and yes, they probably do understand exactly what you're going through.

[Gigabitch]

I understand what it is to have your heart broken. I also understand what it is to realize you're drowning in emotional quicksand and make some changes before you drown in it. Tech, you are CHOOSING to wallow in it. That's okay, for a while, but you are endangering yourself. I can hear it in your tone. You're going down the rabbit hole.

[Tech]

thanks. i know I am going down the hole but what can I say. I care about things like this and dont just "move on". it meant alot to me. I would hope the same for her too at some level but who knows.

im sorry. just... the way it is.

[wipe_out]

Tech, You are feeling like the victim and therefore you are the victim.. I think everyone here understands you pain.. I promise you I do.. The unfortunate thing is that only you can make it better, only you can get yourself through.. No counselling, drugs or anything else will be a magic FIX..

I can tell you I still have days where I feel the pain of my lost love, when I think I am always going to be alone and all the other things that go with it.. Its fine to feel this way too.. I just don't let that happen EVERY day..

Do yourself a favour.. Go and do something totally for YOU this weekend.. Do something that will bring a smile to you face.. And when you are smiling and happy, even if it just for a moment concentrate on that feeling and make you mind up to feel like that more often..

[Tech]

thanks. i know. it just doesnt make sense after everything we talked about, agreed on, then this. and the fact that she has put me in ALOT of trouble and I see no way out... yet her enjoying herself, probably with someone else right now and for what we believed in. just sick.

still it must be said, what we had was so true, unique, gold and genuine unlike today's society.