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Thread: In a mess, need help!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    13

    In a mess, need help!

    Ok firstly please do not be too judgemental about this I just need
    Advice.

    Ok this is the situation, I am a 28 year old guy
    Living in my own house and I work full time in
    IT. These are the facts. My current/ex girlfriend
    Is Chinese and is 22.

    We have been together for about 6 months
    , she has recently come back from a home visit to
    Hong Kong which lasted 8 weeks. Everything was fine until about 2 weeks
    After she came back she mentioned that she
    Had missed her period, I was a bit dubious as we
    Had been very careful, after a long honest chat she admitted
    To me that she had slept with someone else in HK and
    It was almost certainly his child. She has decided to abort

    Throughout this entire time she has been crashing at mine
    A few days a week whilst she is in the area
    ( the rest of the time she is studying in London And
    Crashing at her friends). She seems to think that I can just
    Except all this and forgive her but truth is I can't, I did say I would
    Be there for her but that was based on it being my child the fact that it is almostly certainly not is a major issue for me.

    Add to all this the fact that she is unnaturally close friends
    With her ex boyfriend just makes it all so much worse.

    Where do I go from here, she has spare keys to my house and a load of stuff here too.

    99% of me just wants to say " this is your mess that u got into and u are gonna have to deal with it yourself " but there is 1% that thinks despite everything I still care for her...

    Please I need some honest advice


    Note: sorry for the random sentences I have used a iPhone for this post!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    416
    Let see - you are concerned that she has a key, that she is close to her ex, and that she has cheated on you (and judging from her condition she cheated without using protection). Sounds like you have trust issues - and with good reason. She cheated on you. And now she thinks confessing and getting an abortion will make it all better?

    Politlely tell her to give you the key and wish her luck. Explain to her you can't be in a relationship with someone that is not trustworthy and doesn't share your morals.

    Staying in an unhealthy relationship will mess you to the point that in the future you are incapable of having a good relationship with someone worthy of it.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    222
    Sure, there are relationships that survive worse - because the people involved know what they're getting into and don't mind.

    You're 99% sure you should move on. That 1% of doubt is unlikely to become dominant, so it's time to move on.

    It also goes without saying that if she wants to sleep around, she should at least have the sense to use protection. You're risking STDs otherwise.

    -PP

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    597
    I would say get the key, if not then change the locks

    As for the stuff, set up a time for her to come to your house and get her stuff . . . if not, then pack up all her stuff and give it to a 3rd party (a mutual friend) and let her to pick it up there.
    You post, you ask questions, you give facts --> I reply, I give quotations, I have opinions

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