Issues of conflicting personalities...

[lc1]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months... I am 23 and he is 30.. Both previously married. His last relationship was over 5 years long, how I do not know. By nature I am a social talkative woman who loves herself a good conversation. He is ridiculously quiet. The only time he talks is to thank me for making coffee or when he has something funny to say. I've brought this to his attention multiple times and his response has been 'im sorry... I'm an observant quiet man by nature.' And ladies... Sure we don't need it everyday but isn't it nice to hear 'youre beautiful' or 'I love you'... Once in awhile? His theory on this is... 'do not expect those things... That way when the don't happen you won't be let down.' I am at my wits end. I do love him but I cannot keep living in silence like this anymore!

[girl68]

he's already warned you he won't change, cut your losses early.

[Judie]

'do not expect those things... That way when the don't happen you won't be let down.'

It's funny that my man is also like that, even though he is considerably more talkative than I am

You're been together only 3 months, it might be a bit too much to ask him to tell you he loves you or ask him to change himself for you. If you want, you can stay in the relationship for a little longer and see if things might change. I bet it is very unlikely. Otherwise, if this is not meeting you needs, you can always move on. You're only 23, there're plenty of men out there!

Good luck!

[boldblondie]

It sounds to me that its not his introversion that has you troubled, but his lack of verbal affirmation for his love for you. These are two very different things. You have only been with him for 3mo. As women we have a tendency to "fall" quicker than men. It takes men a lot longer to begin to verbalize intimate feelings. If you continue to push the issue you will ultimately push him away as he will feel pressured. The last thing a man wants is to feel pressure. You want your relationship to flow naturally.

Give him some space, let him come to this on his own. It took me and my current BF about 9mo before we even began discussing "emotions" I just had fun with him. And I, like you, have an outgoing personality and he is more introverted than I am..we balance each other out. So my suggestion is:

1. give him time and space, don't push the issue
2. Believe in yourself....he will see your self confidence. And your constant need for reaffirmation of his feeling he will look at you being needy.
3. Enjoy the moment of being with him, do things you both enjoy and get to know each other, laugh and have fun. As you learn each other you will begin to feel more comfortable with each other.
4. Being an extroverted person if there are things you want to do and he doesn't, go ahead and do them. You still have to maintain your personality and do thing with your friends. Don't take it personal!! He will love your independence and men are hunters by nature....if he sees you doing your own thing and he is really into you he just may end up pursuing you more.
5. Don't try to change him....BIG MISTAKE. True love is loving someone not only for there great quality's but loving them for their flaws as well (as long as these are not detrimental flaws...ie drug abuse, abuse ect)
6. If after sometime has went by and this has not developed into what you want then you have to ask yourself....this is the way he is can I live with that b/c there is a chance that is the way he is and will not change. If the answer is yes, then accept him as he is right then, love him and let it grow. If the answer is no, then move on and find what you want, as hard as that may be, but if you are truly not happy what is the point?

And I believe that people grow into love and not fall into love as it is always put. And 3 mo in my book is just not enough to time to really love someone. I am a woman who waits for those words to be said and waits to say them until I know I truly that I love this person. You want it to be real. There is a big difference between LOVE and INFATUATION...although at first its hard to distinguish. I think the first several months of all relationships are infatuation that's what brings us together at first and if it does not die out then you begin to grow and develop you love and that is what keeps you together.

[BrownDog52469]

Okay, I'm a quiet guy/shy guy. I can relate... But nevertheless a relationship is a two way street and he should be communication and returning the affection. He won't change who he is. It's only been 3 months....consider whether he's really compatable with you. These issues probably wont ever go away. I'm not telling you he's wrong for you. That's for you to decide. Love can overcome a lot of things; decide for yourself if this is one of them, or whether this will ultimately tear your relationship apart.

[Poetic_Partner]

Do you talk too much? I don't mean that disrespectfully, but in all seriousness - do you dominate a conversation?

I am close to a woman who can, literally (I've timed it a couple times) talk for two hours straight without ever asking "what do you think?" and when I try to add my 2 cents I get a "just a minute, let me finish". Add that to me choosing my words carefully when there is a pause and I don't get to say much.

If he's quiet and introspective, you need to work to get him to open up. Do you ask him how his day was (I know - him: "Okay."), then follow up. It'll be like pulling teeth for you, but just do your best.

More problematic is his reluctance to give you affirmative words. It sounds like he's VERY guarded with his heart. He may be anxious about whether you will say the words when he needs them, but if he says them then he may need them in return - opening him up to feeling rejected. The only thing I can advise is to let him know how hurt much you do need it, despite his advice.

-PP