Any hope?

[icebunny]

What is he really thinking?

I've been with my boyfriend for the past 7 years. We're both in our late 20s and I thought we were very happy together and he was the one. However, he dropped a bombshell on me a couple of weeks ago and told me that he couldn't do us anymore. No reason, other than he felt that I've worn him down.

Well, we've been together for 7 years, not engaged and were not living together, although were planning to move out next year into our place of our own.

After he told me that, he sends me jokey emails, kisses me on the cheeks and gives me hugs. So, naturally i thought everything was okay. This weekend gone, I went to see him and he was really cold with me. I said I thought we needed to chat and I told him that I felt my feelings for him were stronger than his were for me. He told me that every time I'd said that in the past, I'd been wrong, but now I was right. He said he felt the spark had gone between us. However, he hasn't really given me any reason for wanting to finishing.

One thing he did cite was my jealously. Basically, back in Feb he went to America without me (we live in the UK) to go snowboarding. Well, I wasn't allowed on this holiday and he went with people he'd met previously on the net. He actually went over Valentines Day. When he got landed (at 2pm) he texted me to say that he was going to stay over night in London. He basically stayed overnight at a girl's flat. A girl that likes him. He didn't contact me until 6pm the next day. Obviously I thought that he was cheating on me and when he got back we had a blazing row. He goes to London regularly, but when I ask to go he says that that is his space away from me...

Part of me thinks I'm better off without him, but the other part of me absolutely adores him, loves him in fact.

We are supposed to be going away together to canada next week for a holiday. He has said we will go adn see how we get on, but he isn't going to make any promises. Do you think I should go. I really want to be with him and thought if Ican show him I know what i've done wrong, everything might be okay?

Just need some advice really! Icebunny x

[TyRuK]

Well it sounds like he may have cheated on you but I'm not certain about that and you shouldn't dwell on that as it's probably not true. I think you should spend the next few days sorting your head out with the things you really want and think about whether you see this relationship going on. After that go to Canada with him (you payed for it so you should go and not miss out on it) and while you're there you should just see how it goes and try to have a good time with him. When you get back decide what you want based on what conclusions you came to when you thought about the days before the holiday.

Hope everything works out okay for you as you sound quite sincere.

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like you have an imbalance of power here. It also sounds like he's been building a life without you for some time. This is not looking good, actually.

I think you need to make some changes regardless of how you and your bf end up. I think you should go with that "I'll be better off" feeling, take it and run with it. Do something towards a life of your own without him. Maybe he'll come back, maybe he won't. You still need something more than this guy.

[vashti]

I would rule with your head rather than your heart on this one. This guy looks like nothing but a big, fat heartache for you.

I think you should re-think Canada. Nothing sucks more than "auditioning" for a role you have already filled for such a long time, and it doesn't sound to me like you would enjoy it. You might as well throw your money away.

By the way, I don't think you were wrong to be jealous. Not at all. He behaved inappropriately for a guy with a girlfriend.

You are still young enough to make a fresh start and look for a less selfish man, and I think you should consider this option. Why choose this sort of life?