Me and my friend's ex...

[BNZ]

Waaaah! My life has gotten sooo screwed up over the past couple of weeks.
You see, since high school I've been friends with this guy. When we went to university last year, we met this girl. She immediatley became awesome friends with him, though I was always kinda quiet around her.

Anyway the two of them started going out, and I felt that I'd better make an effort to be more friendly around her. Over the next few months we became close friends and I even started to develop some feelings for her. I never acted on them though, for obvious reasons.

Then about 3 or 4 months ago, the two of them broke up, but appeared to remain on good terms, more or less the same as they had been before they started going out.

I didn't think too much about it. I still had feelings for her but I was pretty sure she just wanted to be friends. But after a couple of months she started hanging around my place more and more. Eventually, a couple of weeks ago, we finally hooked up. It was great.

However we were both massively paranoid about my friend finding out. He had been becoming more and more clingy over the past few weeks and was being kind of possessive and nosy.

We spent the next two weeks sneaking around. However we soon realised that if we kept on doing what we were doing, my friend would find out either by walking in on us, or hearing something through the grapevine.

So after several weeks we decided to tell him. He lost it. He started yelling at her, and begging her not to do this to him. He said it would only end in tears or the alienation of one, if not all of us. After half an hour or so of this, she came to me and said it was probably for the best if we ended it. Kind of in a daze I agreed, and said we could talk later that night.

I then went off on my own and spent a horrible afternoon with a horrible wrenching feeling in my gut. I was pissed off at him for not considering how we felt and pissed off at myself for having such feelings in the first place.
However when I met up with her that evening she said she didn't really want to end it, and that she was in love with me. I was so elated I completely forgot about what happened earlier and told her I loved her back.

The next day I went over to her place, but unfortunately my friend arrived while I was over there. He reacted even worse than before. He ranged from screaming, to sobbing on her shoulder.

So now I have a bit of a problem. On the one hand I can call it off and try and make things go back to the way they were before. The problem is that based on the afternoon after I thought we'd broken up I'll probably end up hating my friend (and myself), because of it. Further she and I are now really into each other, and if we stopped it, it would mean I probably wouldn't be able to see her for weeks, even months without being able to act like just a friend around her.

On the other hand, I could continue to pursue the relationship and hope my friend can deal with it. On the evidence of things so far, I'd say the chances of that are pretty slim.

What the hell should I do? Any help would be most appreciated.

[misombra]

why is your friend acting like that. they broke up after a few months. it's not like they were together a long time or married. he needs to just chill the hell out. if you want to be with her then do it. he'll just have to get over it. if he wanted her to not date other people then they shouldn't have broken up.

[updraft]

Look, you cannot help who you fall in love with and whether your buddy likes it or not, it was over with them before you and she acted on your feelings toward each other. He has to learn to get a grip on reality and understand that they didn't work out and she is free to see whom ever.

You stated he was acting possessive and nosy. Understandable he is curious about who she is with but in no way should he act controlling towards her. The worst thing you could do is lose her to him under these pretences. She will be miserable. Follow you heart and tell this guy you and she are in love and will continue to see one another. Hopefully the guy won't lose it again, but if he does you can press charges should you and he get into a physical argument.

Your gf also has to understand she is free to make choices and not be afraid to state who she wants to be with. She has to grow a spine and tell him GOODBYE. There is no gray area here she has to break off completely and not try to be friends, he clearly wants her back but she has to set boundaries.

Many friendships have gone by the wayside because of triangles like this. You have to choose: your friendship with him or your potential relationship with her. Hopefully its rock solid with her, or else she could dump you once she tires of you and then you have lost both people.

Good luck with it. Stay true to your feelings.