Cheated on my GF of 3.5 years...need advice!

[mkshult]

So I am new to relationship forums but I am so lost right now and need advice from women. Here it goes.

I'll give you the background of me and my girlfriend. We went to highschool together and were great friends. After highschool I joined the military, 6 months after in the military we started dating long distance for 6 months while I was stationed in D.C. and she lived in CA. Her Dad is also in the military and after 6 months of long distance her dad got orders to D.C. as well(her dad is also in the military). So we always thought and knew it was meant to be because what are the odds! So we were finally together and things couldn't of been better! After a couple of years of being together she went of to college and we were back to long distance realtionship being about 4 hours apart but we made things work, we have always been able to get threw anything together.

So now into the dirt of when everything went south. About a 1.5 months ago me and one of my gf's friends were texting a lot. Im not going to lie when I say that we were flirting with each other via texts and it got to the point where it crossed the line that shouldn't of been crossed and nothing physical ever came of it. Well the friend told my gf about it and showed her all of our texts. My gf then called me and told me she needed her space. The next day she called me and was pissed that I didn't make any effort to contact her. So after she said that I hoped in my truck and drove 4 hours to see her. In the mean time she checked my e-mail and saw I was still talking to my ex gf from high school and another girl I e-mailed once like 5 months ago. When I finally saw her she confronted me about the e-mails and I was caught red handed! This led to think there might have been other things and I told her last time I was home on leave I had sex with a mutual friend from high school (that mutual friend was at one point my gf's best friend).

So after all of that I kind of knew things were over but still thought that after a lot of time we might be able to work things out, especially when we were looking at getting married next summer after she graduated from college. So 3 weeks after we broke up she called trying to get closure on everything. She said I ruined everything between us and she doesn't want me back in her life or any version of me back into her life. She thinks that I didn't seem to care and that I sounded cold and empty. Which is not the case!!!! At the end of the phone call she told me to never call, text or e-mail her and to "have a nice life"!

I love this girl with all of my heart. We were always talking about once she got done with school next summer how we couldn't wait to move in and be engaged and get married. I know I screwed up really bad and nothing was ever worth loosing her over. But how am I supposed to show her I care if she shut me out of her life completely? I am not sure if she said a lot if these things out of anger and pain and wants me to feel the same kind of hurt of shutting me out completely. I am so lost right now I dont know what do! Does she need more time and space without me or should I just count my losses and move on? btw....its been two weeks since she called me and told me to have a nice life. Please I need help and guidance!

[sarah2]

Call her and tell her how you feel. You messed up and she thinks you don't even care. She is angry for what you did but also bc you don't seem to care enough to talk to her about it. ..You should talk to her and apologize for "ruining" what you had together-- show her that you care. She may not want to get back with you but at least she should know how you feel about it...it might make it less painful for her and you

[Bumble_bee]

by the way...you said the LD thing was working out and you guys could get through anyhting...so why in the heck did you sleep with her best friend?....she even asks you to act like you give a shit, and you dnt call her.....your lucky if you get a 2nd chance....

.

[artimtb]

what a mess you did, dude.
you said you love her, but in fact, you cheating behind her.
why you do all of that stuff?
Don't you ever think before about the consequences?
you play with fire and now get burn.

you're lucky if she give you 2nd chance.
but, if you really love her, call her, tell her about your feeling, ask for apologize that you are wrong cheating her. If needed, build your camp in front of her house.

[kai]

Well, for the mess that you've did, I will say don't even bother. You are still thinking about yourself here. You're not thinking how she is feeling. I mean, you cheated on her with her best friend. Let her think about herself. If she wants you back, she'll say it.

[jdm95si]

dude give it up.
i mean really you slept with her best friend.
if she took you back i would be concerned for her self worth.
you being with her would just do more damage than good. all you can do is learn that you need to treat people with some respect. i cant say i have much sympathy for you man.

[Riyko]

She said that you didn't care, if you think about it. In a sense you didn't care if you cheated on her with one of her best friends and you didn't consider her feelings. She's extremely hurt by your actions because it seems like she really loved you and trusted you and you lost both her trust and her love from that one action.

[Gigabitch]

If she really never wanted to see or talk to you again, she'd quit calling and giving ultimatums. If it wasn't clear enough the first time, when she was pissed that you made no effort to contact her when she said she needed her space, this girl wants attention from you. Lots of it. She wants groveling, love letters, apologies and flowers. She wants you to get off your ass and TRY to make up for being a douchebag.

Why? **** if I know. I'd kick your cheating ass to the curb faster than you'd believe, but this girl actually wants you back.

You'd better get on it, though. If you don't make a grand show of your love soon, this is all going to harden into a lasting bitterness that you won't be able to melt.

[girl68]

Let me get this straight...

1) you flirted heavily with a good friend of hers
2) you emailed with your ex (and I doubt it was a sincere "I hope you're swell")
3) you screwed her bff
4) ... but you "looooove" her.

OK one screw up maybe... but 3!? Hell no.
That said, yeah please leave her alone, if you truely want to correct wrong, learn from your mistakes and don't screw up NEXT time, with a new girl. Because that one, the one you "love" doesn't deserve what you did- not matter your apology.

[pelican8575]

I have done something similar to someone I cared deeply for and loved but not the same love you shared with your girlfriend. I was married for 10 years and was faithful the whole time. Although I wanted to cheat because all I got for years was rejection. Sex life was horrible. So after 10 years we decided to divorce because we grew apart. Wasn’t something I wanted at the time but now I am glad for it. After living alone for three months I found someone that I enjoyed being around. This person made me feel wanted, needed and loved.... all that I had been missing in the marriage. But this woman had been divorced for years and I was just going thru mine. After trying to slow things down with her and being unsuccessful in doing so several times. I allowed a girl that worked with tempt me into being with her. I think I was so flattered that she was interested that I gave in to some extent. Needless to say I allowed it to go way too far. Now I regret ever doing so. Let’s just say I have learned my lesson and did not like how I felt about myself afterwards.

That is what happened with you. You allowed yourself to become flattered by someone else and you wanted to see what was there. You knew it was a mistake and everything would have been fine if you had not gotten caught. Right? Now be honest with yourself. I knew better and I am not making excuses but I had just come from a Sexless Marriage and my head was royally screwed up in the first place. But it was So WRONG of ME! I will never allow myself to be put in that situation again. I will run like a scared little girl!