2 months no contact.

[bart]

Today, I reached my 60 days of no contact. And I'm not having a good day, nor did I have a good day yesterday.

I go up and down, thinking I'm so over my ex, then the next day constantly thinking about him & feeling hopeless.

I don't have any urge to contact him, which I guess is good, but I do still have the urge to know what he's up to. We were long distance, in different countries, so we used messenger, facebook, and twitter to communicate mainly. I haven't been on messenger since I went no contact, but sometimes do check his facebook and twitter.

So far, I've gone a week without checking either, which is the longest I've gone so far. I KNOW I shouldn't go on facebook/twitter, because it only sets me back (especially since he's still in a relationship with the girl he got with 3 weeks after we broke up...) But mostly, I want to check his twitter. He made it solely for me, and 1 week into my no contact he wrote to me on there. I never responded and he wrote again, to the day, 1 month later. The first week of July will be another month since the last time he's written, and I can't help but wonder if he'll write again.

I think I really just need someone to tell me right now that this will get better, that I won't care about him anymore or obsess that "he is my soulmate," when he really couldn't be if he's already with someone new. I just need some advice, and if anyone has any ideas on how to make it easier for me to NOT check his facebook/twitter. I've already blocked the websites, but when I go on my family computer they're not blocked and I get the urge to check.

Ugh, any advice would help! Thank you guys.

[Gigabitch]

If he were your soulmate, he wouldn't be with someone else. Someday, you'll look back on this guy and feel nothing at all because you'll be in love with the RIGHT guy for you.

[bart]

thanks gigabitch, thats definitely the type of thing i needed to hear!

[Teddy057]

It's been about 3 months of No Contact for me. I haven't been on Facebook in 2 months, or any other of those stupid life-broadcasting sites. It's simply too painful, and I'm staying away from that stuff, at least for a couple more months. If you don't have enough willpower to resist the urge to go check up on his life, then my god I feel sorry for you. Why keep doing something that causes you pain? Would you keep touching a hot stove? It's the same damn thing, so stop doing it. In no way, shape or form is it benefiting you to keep checking up on his life/ dating life. So honestly, why the hell do you keep doing it?

What has really helped me is focusing on myself. By that I mean, I have picked up more hours at work, I train very hard in the gym with weight lifting and doing cardio, and I even sold my old car and bought a new one. Over time the memories start to fade, but you can always think about them when you want to smile. Just keep moving forward, don't live in the past, and everything will fall in to place. Also, realize that relationships take 2 people, both doing their fair share of work. So, if he's with another woman, obviously he's not your "one". Cheer up, you're not dying.

[bart]

Thanks Teddy. I know checking it only hurts me, it's just the only piece of him I have left, so sometimes I get the urge to check it. I honestly think I'm doing better though, as I used to check it multiple times a day, and could literally not stop myself. Haha, but thanks for the "dying" comment as well. Sometimes it feels like I am, but I guess I have to realize others have it much worse than me. Thank you for your honesty & advice.

[Teddy057]

Break ups really do feel like someone you knew and loved died. Because in a way, that part of your life has died. But, they call that moving on. You will always have a piece of him, wherever you go, and they're called memories. As painful as it is, you need to look forward, and prevent yourself from attempting to remember how much "better" your life was with him in it. You will feel down in the dumps for however long you let yourself be that way, but remember, being all depressed and gloomy won't attract the person you're supposed to be with, right? So keep taking it one day at a time, it's all anyone can do.

[cmacattack1]

I understand it's frustrating. And I know that everybody has told you time is the only thing that heals things. But you can't count down every single day and judge it as a good day or a bad day based on whether or not you are still over him. You might not be over him for a while. Time will be excruciatingly long and painful. That shouldn't be your concentration. Your concentration should be on yourself. What you can do to be happy again. What you can do to improve yourself. What you can do to make yourself a better friend, daughter, girlfriend, etc. If you aren't doing things for yourself, but for other people, it's going to be excruciatingly long. I remember when my ex dumped me and I joined a gym and all that, in all honesty I did it to try and show her that I'm going places and win her back. I lasted maybe three weeks before I crumbled. And then I found out she was dating somebody else. That was probably the point for me when I started doing it for me. 9 months later, I still love who she was, I still care about who she was, I still dream about her, but I know that I cannot be with her and there isn't much you can do. I still try to get through every day, although it's a hell of a lot easier now then it was 2 months after. In due time, you will get there, you just have to focus on doing it for you and not so much about him.

You know that checking his things hurts and you and makes you feel bad. Can you ever stop yourself and just ask "What is the best possible thing to happen if I check his facebook and twitter?" Nothing good will happen, you will be miserable and unhappy and miss him again. You need to stop punishing yourself and putting yourself through this. You are in total control of what you do, just don't do it. You are clinging to the twitter because he did it just for you, you are going to have to let that go too. You know you have to. You need to be yourself again if you were ever to work out in the future, so this relationship that ended in failure needs to be let go as well...

[bart]

Thanks very much cmacattack1! I actually always hope you'll answer my posts because I really value your advice. Thank you again!

[cmacattack1]

I hope I'm not beating a dead horse here. I'm glad it was helpful...

[(will)]

Sometimes I just think people want to remain "friends" so they can end up having sex or having a relationship "backup"

[bart]

Ah, I have no desire to be friends. I'm just going through feelings of hope, even though there is none.

[bart]

Haha not at all, thanks again!

[drdamian]

You could start with finding new ways to occupy your time. Make a list of activities that you want to do and that don't remind you of your ex. Start with 5 to 10 things. Every time you think of checking up on your ex, do one of those activities.eave the house. Don't stay at home or allow yourself to be bored. Adopt hobbies, see people even if you don't like them that much, find places to go and events to see. Don't allow yourself to have time to think.