I am writing this as a last effort to save my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit shy of 4 years, and over the most of the relationship we have one problem that we have never been able to get over that is definitely a deal breaker for something long term.
We have tried what seems like everything, including couples counseling, individual counseling for me, individual counseling for her, we’ve read books, and oh does it feel like so much more. But it seems like there is nothing we can do to break this deal breaker problem.
I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience and has had success dealing with it, or knows of anyone who specializes in dealing with this specific problem. We are willing to even travel to someone who can help us. Let me explain.
In the beginning, our relationship was probably as far away from any relationship that any girl could ever dream of. I was not a nice guy, did not so nice things, had not so nice friends who’d say not so nice things to my girl. I could go on and on, but bottom line is I did a lot of things that hurt her (although I never cheated on her)
One evening I got a call from my friend whose girlfriend was friends with my girlfriend who told me that my girlfriend was about to leave if I didn’t change the way I was treating her. It then hit me that if I didn’t change I was going to lose her.
Because I loved her and knew deep down that I really wanted to be with her I preceded to change. I remember a while ago we were at the book store and we looked at a book titled “it’s usually his fault” I returned to the book store and bought the book..
The premise of the book was basically treat the woman as if she’s on a golden pedestal, and she’ll return the favor with love. And so from then I became to change to the good boyfriend. In fact I did a complete 180 which she’ll even tell you. She appreciated what I was doing, but after the transition came an unexpected outcome.
In the beginning of the relationship I had all the power, she had none, but as the transition took place she gained more power, and as a result she started getting angry with me much easier. Instead of continuing to do what was upsetting her, I changed and stopped doing it. This may sound good, but it went way too far. She didn’t like when I was talking on my phone with my friends, now I cannot talk to them in her presence without her getting mad. I can’t even talk about them or she’ll get mad.
It’s really bad, I feel I can’t even think for myself or I have to deal with a mad girlfriend. Living like this is horrific, I constantly walk on egg shells trying to be perfect, but there’ll always be something I don’t do correct then it happens again.
We’ve went to 2 counselors together, and we each went to a counselor by ourselves. Bottom line, is each of them say that it all routes to how I treated her in the beginning. Everything that she does now is a result of her not able to get over the past. I truly feel horrible as I feel that we have exhausted all possible resources out there to help us out. And even worse is it was all created by myself..
As selfish as this may sound, I cannot continue to be in a relationship like this. We’ve been dealing with this same unresolved problem for over 2 years, and we really haven’t made any progress. As tough as it is going to be to breakup, I have no choice as I know deep in my heart, that I will not be happy in this relationship, and for that this is why I’m writing. I want to know if there is anyone who knows someone who is a specialist in dealing with this, and has had success turning problems like this around. This is my last ditch effort to save our relationship.