need your perspective...i think she's lying but she's adamant she's not

[Crazy Horse]

my ex-gf and i broke up last Feb. We are both late 20's and were together for almost 5 years. We broke up after her trip to Europe because she said she just needed to be free at this point in her life. I asked her if there was a third party involved and she denied it. Even went as far as saying that she wished there was a third party so the breakup would make more sense.

Fast-forward to 4 months later and she contacts me. Said she wants to see me and talk to me. We meet and kinda patched things up. We've been seeing each other regularly since then but haven't officially gotten back together. We are 'trying to see where things are going' according to her.

Last Saturday i read her journal (shame on me i know, it's personal, yadda yadda). In it she happened to have written how she met this guy in Europe and they 'took the leap'. A boy named Eloi. Her 'Catalan boy'. They were kissing in Paris, holding hands in Barcelona, sharing a bottle of wine together. It felt so right according to her. 'How could something that feels so right be forbidden?' she writes.

Over the next entries she detailed how she hooked up with him again barely two months after we broke up and had 'mind-blowing love-making' together. She would write in a series of entries how he just gives a smile to her face, how she's fallen head over heels for him, his pretty face and his beautiful mind, how he swept her off her feet, how she's 'officially' in love with him, how he made her get over me so quickly.

Then in June (according to the date in the journal), I think she got frustrated with him. She wrote down 6 things she doesn't like about him. This is what I could remember:

1. You smell
2. Yo don't like cuddling
3. You don't let me cum first (how selfish)
6. You don't want to take it to the next level with me

Below all that though, she would write down 'You told me i'm important to you'.

This happens to be around the same time she contacted me and we started seeing each other regularly.

Her last entry was dated August 11th, about two months since we started seeing each other. She would write how she 'took a leap of faith' and fell flat. But that she still loved Eloi (despite his smell and dislike for cuddling) and if only he would give her, them, a chance, she knows they can go far in their relationship.

I texted her about it and she flat out denies it. All of it. Nothing happened. Period. There was never a third party. That while he did show signs, and she wanted something to happen, she didn't act on it because he wasn't important. That he wasn't a factor at all on why she asked for the breakup. All those journal entries were nothing more than make believe. A way for her to get over the hurt and pain of our breakup. That it was easier to imagine things than deal with reality. But obviously it didn't work and she didn't get over me which is why we've been trying to patch things up.

But as i run through all those journal entries in my head, i just couldn't escape the fact that it was so vivid, elaborate, and detailed to have been make believe as she claims. I mean, who comes up with a list of things they don't like about someone in a make believe world? Wouldn't a make believe guy be perfect in every way?

Anyway, I've gone on long enough. I just need to know. Is she lying? I think she is but she's very adamant that she's not. Even saying that if I don't believe her there's nothing she can do about it. My head says to run but my heart is saying wait for her further explanation and maybe it would all make sense.

She's out of the country again and won't be back until tomorrow night. She said she hopes we can talk about it. I just said I'm confused and I don't know what to believe anymore. We haven't been in contact for almost 2 days now.

So what do you guys think?

[vashti]

I think she's lying, but the question is: do you really care? If she's back with you, and isn't in contact with him any more, are you willing to overlook this?

[Crazy Horse]

I'm not sure she's not in contact with him anymore. They are work colleagues and often meet at international forums and such (they work for NGO's). And no, we're not really back together in the same way we were together before the breakup. We are, as she says, 'trying to see where this is going'. And I do care if she's lying. I don't know if I can move on with her with the knowledge that she lied / is continuing to lie to me. You can't just overlook that.

[doppelgaenger]

I definitely wouldn't overlook that shit. Look at it this way - she ended up being a dumb tourist girl who was swept off her feet by some smelly European guy who was just looking for a good lay. She must be pretty gullible, because he told her everything she wanted to hear and she even dropped you like a hot potato to run off and continue seeing this guy, only to find out how selfish and smelly he is, haha. Now she's coming back to you because she realizes what a shit move that is and she thinks you'll take her back because you're made of putty.

What I would do is confront her with the diary. Hey, if it was really meant to be private, she should have never written it down. I'd say that my gut told me something happened and she insulted my intelligence by lying to me. Then I would tell her that such a two faced person as her is not capable of having intimate, deep connections (love) with another person.

[SarahBelle]

Doesnt it seem odd to you? it was all there in writting and your to believe noting happened? yes you had all that together but she found someone new and when it diddnt work out she came back to you. Talking and frends sure but are you gonna let yourself get hurt by someone who doesnt know what they want?

[Crazy Horse]

Based on her last entry, I think she still wants to be with the other guy. I'm just a backup now.

It's just sad. We shared so many good times together. I genuinely thought she was 'the one' and had even thought about proposing to her after she got back from Europe. Now, I can't help but think I wasted five years of my life being with her. The better part of my 20's.

I think the reason she fell for the guy was he provided some excitement to her. Our relationship had moved from the passionate 'can't keep our hands off each other' stage to that stage after you'd been together for as long as we have. I don't really know how to describe it. Suffice to say, it probably bored her. She mentioned the word 'spontaneous' a lot during our breakup. That she was, by nature, a spontaneous person while I have always been more reserved and deliberate.

She had never had a long-term relationship before me. Most, if not all, her previous relationships ended within 6 months and most, if not all, involved the guy breaking up with her. That was probably a red flag but I ignored it because most of those happened while she was in high school and college. Before me, she'd been single for almost 3 years. I thought our relationship would be different because we had both matured and learned our lessons. And after building a long-term relationship together, I was confident in that belief.

Now it just seems that she's incapable of having long-term relationships and probably, whether consciously or unconsciously, sabotaged our relationship by hooking up with this guy. Or, in her words, 'taking a leap of faith' with him.

He's Spanish by the way. I hate Spanish guys.

[Crazy Horse]

I hope she gets what she deserves as well. A life of short-term relationships, falling for guys who only want one thing, one-night stands, booty calls, tons of heartbreak, and a lifetime of regret for screwing up the only good thing she ever had.

[breacliff]

thanks for sharing.
"The time to tell her, to show her with your words and sounds and actions, is when you are making love."

[vashti]

He's Spanish by the way. I hate Spanish guys.

Our poster the_robot is Spanish. I adore him.

[xxazurexx]

Oh I dunno....I think Spanish guys are quite 'oooh la la' myself.

I think she's a liar and even though she may still want him, sounds like he lost interest in her.

If you overlook it, you'd be opting for 'second best'.

[Crazy Horse]

So she was supposed to have been back in town 2 days ago but she hasn't contacted me. Even though her last msg to me (5 days ago) was that she hopes we can talk about it.

[nerdy_guy]

He's Spanish by the way. I hate Spanish guys.

It's not his fault dude. It's natural for you to feel that way I guess, but I wouldn't blame him.

Anyway, ASSUMING both of you are natives. You should already know how enticing a foreigner is. Especially she just got wined and dined and getting banged in exotic places. I've got the same flag as you, so I know how females in our country operates. It's not something to be surprised about. She got played by the foreigner and now that she's hurting, she's looking for you to comfort her. This time around though, at least you already know she'll leave you in a heartbeat if and when she can. So be careful.

[LailaK]

American girls need to learn to leave those European boys the hell alone. They're never serious.

Edit: Your girl is not American but I'm sure my theory is sound for women all over the world.

[Crazy Horse]

It's just so cliché. I thought she was better than that. That she wouldn't just throw away a 5 year relationship for the exciting foreign guy who everyone knows is only after one thing. It's so stupid, selfish, and immature. I THOUGHT SHE WAS BETTER THAN THAT.

[Crazy Horse]

9 days after I read her journal and no contact between us, she texts me this:

"...i don't know if u want 2 speak 2 me again or if u will still listen and believe me. This is probably my last message, i broke up with u not because of a 3rd party, there is no 3rd party. I have hoped we can build a new relationship, i msu. But i can't force u if u dont want to. U will always be the love of my life, believe it or not. I wish u all that life can offer."

I did not reply to her.