A Need A Female's Opinion

[BeauGiroux]

A few months before we met, my gf made out with a drummer from a pretty famous band. She's a huge fan of the band, so as you can imagine, every time I get in her car and hear that she's listening to their CD or see that she's visiting their web site, I get jealous. However, I'm learning to deal with it and understand that she was a fan of their music before she made out with the drummer and continues to be a fan of their music.

Last year, a few months after we started dating, she took me to one of their concerts. At this time, all I knew was that this drummer had tried something with her, but she had told me that nothing ever happened. It was only a few months after introducing me to this drummer that I got her to tell me they DID make out and used to communicate a lot online and that she thought she was falling in love with him. At the moment she introduced me to this guy, I noticed a change in her body language. It's hard to describe, but it's almost like she distanced herself from me a little bit and stopped holding my hand. I've told her about this, but she totally denies there was any change in body language and thinks it was all in my mind.

Guess what. There's another concert coming up soon and she's asking me if I want to go. She said she'd like for me to go. Here's what I'm thinking:

I want to go, because I want to keep an eye on things. Don't get me wrong -- I totally trust her, but I don't want her to be tempted by a rich, famous and handsome rock star.

On the other hand, I don't want to go because I don't want to feel like I need to keep an eye on her. Plus, I can't stand their music. Every time I hear it, I think about what happened between that drummer and my gf and I get pissed.

I don't think she wants to do anything with this guy because as soon as she found out about the concert, she asked me to go. Plus, she invited me to their concert last year on our FIRST DATE. We ended up going together and had a great time -- of course, that was before I knew they had made out. I mean, had she wanted anything more with this guy, she surely wouldn't have invited me to TWO of their concerts, right?

I've told her that if she and her girlfriends go without me, that I would like for her to promise me she will not talk to this guy. (See, she and her friends are heavily involved in the band's web site and often have the chance to say hi to the band.) She says she cannot promise me that because if her girlfriends want to say hi to the band and have the chance, they will and she'll go and if he speaks to her, she will respond. She did, however, give me her word that she would not be alone with this guy, she would not drink and that she would be willing to wear a fake engagment ring (her idea).

See, I'm almost tempted to go to the concert, but I don't want to because I don't want to be there to keep on eye on this guy and cause my gf and her friends to have a bad time.

I don't know what to do. I mean I love this girl so much, but, like most average guys (I assume), realize she could be gone in a second -- especially with some rich, famous rock star taking interest in her. I mean it's not just some random guy hitting on her at work. It's a rock star, for crying out loud. And not just any rock star -- it's a guy she's had feeings for.

Damn. Help.

What should I do in this situation?

I'd love to hear what a female has to say on this subject.

To be fair, I have a pretty low opinion of myself and crappy self esteem and cannot understand why she would choose to be with ME (fat, balding, average looking, average job, etc.) when she could be with a rock star.

Thoughts?

[vashti]

Speaking as someone who dated a musician for a few years, she sounds like a groupie with a crush. I bet this drummer has hundreds of girls just like her hanging around . I think you may be overemphasizing her importance to him - she is probably just another girl. If he were REALLY interested in her, why didn't he continue to date her after making out with her one time?

[Sami09]

what band is it. Are u really popular?

[Gigabitch]

Don't tell her who she can talk to. That might piss her off, and it will definitely piss her girlfriends off. That will fuel the "Make Out With the Drummer Again" fire.

She's a fan. That's short for fanatic. That doesn't sound like someone you should expect to make a rational decision.

IMO, if you're not 100% sure you can trust her, go with her to the concert.

[King Zarathu]

IMO, if you're not 100% sure you can trust her, go with her to the concert.

No!

If you can't trust her, just leave her! I suggest NOT going to the concert because you hate their music. I hate Saosin's music, and if anybody dared ask me to go to one of their concerts I would **** them up. Big time.

I don't think she is able to make a rational decision either; she sounds like a little girl who is COMPLETELY into the attraction game and simply cannot think outside her natural instincts (no offense).

If I'm correct and she is just a brainless (overexaggeration) female, I would personally just leave her. You don't deserve those feelings of anger and jealousy inside you, and she doesn't deserve to have somebody far above her level.

Keep me updated, and best of luck.

[Just out of curiosity, which band?]

[charmedone2000]

try not to be too insecure and ask her what makes her like that band and you discover it by yourself as well so you will know .. what she really digs in ...