Struggling to maintain a consistently happy relationship. HELP!

[berg101]

Hi everyone

I post on here quite a lot because I have found a lot of the advice people offer to be extremely useful.

Basically the problem that I seem to be having is that I struggle to maintain a consistently happy relationship - I have realised that this is probably because in previous relationships I was always the boss and controlled everything but now that I have met my new girlfriend who I have been with for 6 months things are different - they are different because she is vivacious and very confident, which is superb but it's making things quite difficult because we both are quite domineering and she likes to be in control. I can quite honestly say that I am totally in love with her (she loves me as well) more so than I have ever been with anyone else but I find myself constantly assessing things between us and can sometimes even find myself doubting what I'm about to say in case she takes it the wrong way for example I was with her last night and we had a brilliant time and when I left her this morning to go to work she was happy - anyway a mutual friend of ours tells me that my gf is going to the hospital because she has suddenly got a lumpy rash on her arm and as soon as I get off the phone with my friend my gf rings me and tells me about the rash - I ask if she wants me to go with her but she says that it's okay and she'll probably not go. She then texts me telling me that she shouldn't have said anything to me because she doesn't want people to know - I simply responded by saying "yes you should have told me - im your boyfriend. I don't want you to think that you can't tell me anything" she then told me not to get shitty and when I said I wasn't I just want her to tell me things especially when it relates to her health she then said "im really stressed out today and you're making it worse" - normally with any other girl this wouldn't bother me at all - but with her it's really wound me up and I can't stop thinking about it - I find myself worrying when I think i've stressed her out - what is going on with me?! I must admit when she gets stressed out which isn't that often she does sometimes take it out on me but I don't know why - when she's like this I feel like I can't say anything right at all. I want to be there for her but at the same time I don't want her getting stressed out because she sometimes takes things the wrong way - but I also don't want to be seen as a punchbag/pushover if that makes sense.

I know she's crazy about me and we talk about the future together etc so I don't know why I sometimes feel like this.

If anyone can shed any light on this and please help me try and figure out why I'm having these weird feelings and if there is a way to stop them then that would be great.

Thanks in advance everyone.

[Wakeup]

I think it's about control. She won't let you have any. lol

You just need to learn to back off when she says things like "I shouldn't have told people because I don't want anyone to know" instead of you saying "yes you should have" you might want to switch that up to "well you know you can feel safe to tell me anything."

It's just a matter of how you two communicate with one another, I think. The Joy of Conflict Resolution may be a book that will help you two to listen to one another and hear what you're saying to each other rather than just reacting in order to get your own ways.

[smackie9]

Holy crap it's just a frickin rash. The first logical thing to do is to wait and see if it gets worse, maybe take an antihistamine...wtf is she phoning up the whole world about it for? You are dating Miss drama queen here. I agree with Wakeup, the only way to deal with her is changing how you approach her......have fun with that.......it might work, it may not. If she is one of those, she may see through your strategy and shift it in another direction to get that drama back. The only way to see how things go is come back once the honeymoon stage is over and see how things are going. Hopefully things will have settled down, and you both are done adjusting to each other.

[berg101]

Thanks for the good advice you two - appreciate the fast response. Smackie9 she works at a doctors surgery and the on call doctor noticed it on her neck and said that she should go to the hospital to get it checked out, he was concerned at the fact that it seemed to be raised from the skin - he said it could be an allergic reaction to something so she thought it better safe than sorry, that's why I reacted the way I did and was quite worried because she never complains about being ill or anything.

I agree with what you've both said though about just relaxing and backing off a bit - in fact instead of trying to convince her that I wasn't in a bad mood with her and that I'm here for her I just decided to completely move the conversation on and ignore the little argument, so I changed the topic to something funny and she was back to her normal self.

[smackie9]

I'm no stranger to allergic reactions, etc. My doctor always told me take a benydril, and that should take care of things. Hives or closing of the throat, that's an emergency.