i cant see what i'm doing wrong

[dandg]

my wife and i have been together nearly 13 years and married for 11. i still fancy her like crazy. Actually, more now than ever. i work long hours (11-14 hours most days, 5/6 days a week)). She has only got a small part time job (5 hours a day, 5/6 days a week). When I come home from work I just want her to greet me with enthusiasm and *want*me. As soon as i come home from work I just have to hold and touch her and her skin. She feels so good. We used to have a fantastic sex life and i keep telling her about how good it used to be and how i'm disappointed as it is now. we used to do everything, but we dont no more.

According to her, she just doesn't feel like it/doest want it. i cant understand this?? I fancy her and cant stop touching her - whats wrong with that?? whats wrong with fancying your partner. i've read on various wesites that you should tell your partner what you want,but she rarely complies with my needs. We only have sex about twice/three times a week and she never considers my needs during her time of the month.

her reasons for not wanting sex with me are a combination of excuses. like the fact i don't sleep with her at night? i can't help it if i fall asleep on the sofa each evening - i'm tired. The fact that we never do anything together? i'm in work! She says she can't trust me in the bedroom?? We've been together a long time, we've done most things - why won't she do them anymore? ive told her that if she's going to carry on like this i've been offered sex by someone-else at work and thats she's pushing me in that direction. i know what goes on out there between couples and i'm just not getting it at home. i've told her this.

She says she doesn't feel comfortable with some things i want to do to her and there should be some rules. Why should there be rules? Anything should go surely? i'm not a prude, i've seen what goes on with couples - the internet shows me this. unfortunately she won't watch them.

i'm getting pretty fed up atm. In the bedroom she shows me no consideration - she does not touch me and oral sex is a thing of the past!! as far as sex goes, she just lies there and lets me carry on. There is no feedback from her at all. She *touched* me a few weeks ago, but wow - the first time in many many months. what a waste of time. She says she's offended by my reaction, but she won't understand that i need to be touched more than now and then???

i'm really at a loss. if things carry on like this, she is going to lose me. i think the fact she drinks is the main reason why she has a low sex-drive?? Any advie welcomed

[sarahprincess]

wow. i mean wow. you work all those hrs and expect her to give you all this? It sounds like you are neglecting her needs. what does SHE want? Make it a point to actually GO to bed and not fall asleep on the couch. Make some actual time for her and take a damn vacation/work less. Its not that hard. Relationships are a two way street and it sounds to me as if you do most of the taking. Some couples would say you were lucky at getting it once a week. Or even once a month. To say you are going to sleep with someone else if she doesnt do what you want?! That is just manipulative. Seriously grow up.

Hopefully you are a troll and dont actually think this way, because if this is for real, I feel sorry for your woman.

[dandg]

I can assure you i'm not a troll Sarahprincess and i am being honest about that. I work long and hard and i honestly don't believe i'm being unreasonable. i have a high sex drive and i feel neglected by my partner. I provide a roof over our heads and food on the table. I do not ask for much, I just want to be considered.

[BarmyArmy]

dont sound like a 13year relationship - 11year marrige

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Make her feel special, dummy. It's really not that hard either, especially since you haven't done it in so long, I'm sure she'd appreciate going out to dinner. Doesn't matter how many hours you work, she doesn't want you because you only see her when you want sex, sounds like a concubine not a wife.

P.S. You're either a troll, or just an idiot.

[dandg]

i can assure you i am honestly not a troll. however, my wife did warn me that i would be seen as one if i asked advice. seems she may be right. i do what i can, if she needs her lagers i will always get them for her i'll never ever see her without those. i just cant help how i feel. i'm too tired to take her out, i get 1 day off a week and for that day i just want to be close to her. sex is the most important thing in a relationship to me (although my wife disagrees). without it, what else is left??

[qwertz]

You have been married for 11 years and you are still having sex 2/3 times a week...i'd say thats good going.

Your wife has needs too...you dont even sleep together because you fall asleep on the couch...is that every/all night?

What did you hope to achieve by telling her you would go elsewhere if you didnt get enough sex at home? You really thought that would make her sleep with you more?

[girl68]

I just want her to greet me with enthusiasm and *want*me.

Ever thought that maybe she wants you to come home and instead of basically molesting her in affection take amoment and perhaps appriciate whatever it is she'd done during the day? Houseclean, re-do the kid's room, put up decorations, cooked and extra difficult meal? You sound like you expect, expect, expect. That ain't romantic no matter how much you touch her

We only have sex about twice/three times a week and she never considers my needs during her time of the month.

I can't believe a man who has had a wife for 11 years thinks that expecting sexual pleasure regardless if she's a bleeding bag of cramps is acceptable. Hey- guess what when I'm bleeding: 1) I feel like a bloated fat cow- thnk I feel sexy enough to get you off in that state? NO 2) my cramps make me want to double over in pain at certain times- think your penis is what I'm thinking about at that moment? NO 3) I'm freggin'g cranky, my body aches and I just cooked you dinner and cleaned the house- now you expect me to eargerly jump on you to get you off becasue you can't wank if for a week? Get over it dude.

YOU are not considering HER needs. It's one freggin' week- WANK IT YOURSELF.

like the fact i don't sleep with her at night? i can't help it if i fall asleep on the sofa each evening - i'm tired. The fact that we never do anything together? i'm in work! She says she can't trust me in the bedroom?? We've been together a long time, we've done most things - why won't she do them anymore?

You're right you don't have a clue.You think that neglecting her before bed is going to make her come on to you? Um no. Try getting off your ass and carrying it to bed. Rub your wifes back and seduce her. If you can use the "I'm tried" crap, so can she. Don't you realize your wife is screaming for quality time and you're screaming for sex. Neither of you are going to get either if you don't both give in. Take some time off work and woo your wife! Wooing her DOES NOT mean grabbing her ass to get her for sex. Woo her in HER way. To top it all off you've threaented to cheat on her. Gee, I wonder why she won't give it up. She's nervous as hell her sex isn't good enough for you and you've just made her feel about 100x more insecure about it.

She says she doesn't feel comfortable with some things i want to do to her and there should be some rules. Why should there be rules? Anything should go surely? i'm not a prude, i've seen what goes on with couples - the internet shows me this. unfortunately she won't watch them.

Just because if happens to other couples in porn doesn't mean your wife should be expected to perform them. Seriously, you really don't see anything wrong with your expectations!? Dear god. NO WONDER she doens't trust you. You said I want this, that and this. I'm not comfortable says wifey. There should be some rules/ boundries? You say: what why, OTHER COUPLES DO IT! *Facepalm* man.

If she's al alchoholic that's A problem but not THE problem as there's many here.

[girl68]

I provide a roof over our heads and food on the table. I do not ask for much, I just want to be considered.

So you think that your job means everything. and her's means nothing- that's how you're coming across.

And you ARE asking for A LOT. Sex all the time only your way. Gee, that's sounds like "asking a lot" to me.

[BrownDog52469]

Dude, don't tell her that there's someone at work offering you sex. You may be sleeping on the couch whether you want to or not. ....and she doesn't trust you to have sex?!?! What the hell are you making her do?? The crap you see on the internet is not reall loving couple sex.

[EnjoyingLife]

Geez, how often do you want it?? 2-3 times/wk is very good. My honest opinion is she drinks and may not be interested in sex with you anymore because she isn't getting her needs met and isn't feeling the LOVE (not just sex) from you. It's in most women's nature to need to feel loved, respected and cherished before they can feel hot in the bedroom! Why don't you make the effort to go to bed with her rather than fall asleep on the couch and stroke her hair or back for a while. It's about her needs also.

[sweetkissesforu]

wow. i mean wow. you work all those hrs and expect her to give you all this? It sounds like you are neglecting her needs. what does SHE want? Make it a point to actually GO to bed and not fall asleep on the couch. Make some actual time for her and take a damn vacation/work less. Its not that hard. Relationships are a two way street and it sounds to me as if you do most of the taking. Some couples would say you were lucky at getting it once a week. Or even once a month. To say you are going to sleep with someone else if she doesnt do what you want?! That is just manipulative. Seriously grow up.

Hopefully you are a troll and dont actually think this way, because if this is for real, I feel sorry for your woman.

i agree this man is self serving i would not want him either after saying he would get it some where else whiney asso

[Confused81]

You seriously think that sex is the most important thing in a relationship?? If that were the case a relationship would be so easy!!

Your a wanker. Go and see a relationship counsellor without your wife and see what sort of response you get from them.

Your wife deserves much better than what your giving her. I wouldn't put out either if you were my husband.

[sweetkissesforu]

sounding more neanderthal then a troll very demanding try a softer approach you get more bees with hunny then vinegar have you bought the wife flowers lately have you taken her out to more then just you

[sweetkissesforu]

neanderthal