Here's my story..
About 1,5 years ago we came in contact, because she saw me at my work and added me on social media.
We already knew each other vagely for about 10 years, so when we started chatting, we immediately hit it of.
We started dating, and I can say I really fell for her.
When the time came to talk about taking things more serious, like calling it a geniune relationship, she said she had some doubts and commitment issues.
So we never called it that. We kept doing like we did and agreed we'd see how things would work out.
After about 3 or 4 months she told me she didn't have 'those feelings' for me anymore. It hurted like hell and came out of nowhere.
She wanted to remain good friends, but I said I couldn't and needed to take some time to heal. After a while I started to miss her as a friend and the person who she is, so I gave it a try at being just friends.
It took a while to adjust to our new situation, but eventually we became very good friends. Again we agreed we'd see where things would go, and who knows, maybe things would start growing again. It was a good thing to do, because our connection became stronger than it ever was! We talked daily via text, calling and we saw each other almost every day. She'd come to my place (because she lived with her parents again) and watched movies, cuddled on the couch, kissed each other good night and so on.. Let's say we were more intimate than friends normally are. It was like we were in a relationship except without having sex.
During this friendship I never even thought of having more feelings for her (now I know better), so I started dating other girls again (to no avail).
I did so, because she told me multiple times that she regretted that she couldn't get more feelings for me than just friendship, although I was the perfect candidate. So I let that idea go...
Being best friends, we talked about everything, even about my dates. I noticed she reacted kinda jealous, but always wished me luck in pursuing for someone.
Now.. About two weeks ago I told her I had yet another date set up with a girl. This time she didn't react to it at all, but she said she had a date too.
I was really happy for her, and we laughed that we both finally could be finding our luck in love.
After our dates, of course like we always do, we talked about how it went. Mine didn't work out that great (now I know why). I don't mean it failed, we had a great time, clicked right away, but for some reason I held back.
On the other hand, my best friends date went much better. She liked the guy, and agreed on seeing him again.
Again I reacted excited and was happy for her.
Untill she had her second date.. She told me afterwards she liked him alot, had butterflies in her stomach.
She said she believed this could work out.
All of the sudden I felt really bad.. Couldn't sleep, and kept thinking about losing her (at first I thought as a friend).
The way we contacted, texted and interacted changed, everything changed! I lost her!
I came to realise I love her more than just friends. So I told her, I owed it to her. After all, friends can share everything.
She took it well, but was surprised. She never saw it coming, neither did I.. But hey.. I think it was inevitable for one of us falling in love again.
She said she still wants to be friends, but I don't know if I can. We agreed we need some time to process it all. But this is too hard.. Going from seeing each other every day, to no contact at all. And she's not really helping. She keeps sending me messages, she's being very short in her texts, but it keeps reminding me of her. Next week she's having her graduation party and a week after that we're going to the beach and see a musical (it's a gift from me for her graduating). So we'll we alone again for a whole day. I'm really lost at what to do.. Deep down I know she has some sort of feelings for me, but doesn't want to give in to them.. I accept the fact it will never work out, but what should we do now? We both don't want to lose our friendship. We never met someone before, where we have this kinda connection with. Please help!!!