Overbearing parents, helpless girlfriend!

[kalrin2001]

First a little bit of back round. I am 28 years old, and my girlfriend is going to be 22. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up and I fear its going to be ruined by her parents.

My girlfriend's family is very strict, jealous, selfish, and a bit absurd. To the point where she seems to be physically, emotionally, and mentally effected by it. Her mother babies her to no end, her bank accounts are all under her mother's name, she gets yelled at for using her debit card. she gets yelled at for staying out late with me (11pm). she gets told to go to bed, to wash her face, to change into her jammies, she gets accused of not washing her face or brushing her teeth. Her mother is into everything and until recently she was not allowed to shut her bedroom door.

I have met her parents TWICE in the year we have been together, the first time I met them was extremely awkward cause i knew going in there was something very wrong with these people. three days later my girlfriend comes to me saying her mother sent her to me to break up with me (this was 5 months into the relationship) I am broken up about this, I miss a shift of work over it...

The months go by and my girlfriend lies to me, telling me that her parents know we are still going out...
well i had a sneaking suspicion and sent her parents a letter explaining my love for their daughter and
that I would like to start over with them, and my girlfriend arranges a meeting, at this meeting i find out
that she was lying to everyone, and she told her mother she broke it off with me 4 months earlier...

I promptly dump her ass around Christmas time, fed up with the whole ordeal. I was broken, i did not enjoy my Christmas
with my family, i was distant, and i sobbed like a baby, I was not whole, a huge piece of me was missing, and i knew exactly where it was...

After new years something happened. My girlfriend desperate to get me back, came to my house and spent the night ( a huuuuuge no no) she fought her parents with a ferocity that i have not witnessed from her before or since. the following day when she got home her parents obviously freaked out on her, threatened to change the locks, trash talked me to no end and took her cell phone away... Her mother went on about how my family was replacing their family, and that she was too young for a relationship, and that i was too old for her, and apparently i am a dirt bag... oh and a control freak!

so my girlfriend bent to her parent's will again and our break up continued unbeknown to her parents.

Here's where it gets weird. A few days later her mother asks her when she is hanging out with me again.
and she explains to her mother that the relationship ended because of them. Well these people must have felt some guilt so they suggested that she try and get me back, and they told her that they would stop babying her...

Well for better or for worse I decided to give it another shot. I do see her more now, there are less phone calls demanding she come home, and to verify the truth her father even knowingly drops her off in front of my place. So i know they know the relationship is on...

It dosen't end here tho, there are still problems...

1. Her mother still guilts her about our realtionship, not as much but she still does.
2. Her parent's still baby her.
3. she seems incapable of going against her parents, even when she knows they are wrong.
4. I love her to death, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I need her to grow a pair.
5. She is unable to spend the night with me, for obvious reasons...

So our 1 year approaches next month, and I fear I will not be able to spend it with her properly, and a huge fight is going to break out that will yet again threaten the relationship. We fight about her parent's regularly and I fear it will wind up ending the relationship, I don't want that, but I can't stand by and just let her parent's baby her.

Before you call me out on being too old for her, I have heard it all, people generally seem 50\50 on the whole age gap thing, but i will say she would not exist if not for a larger age gap...

Her grandparents are 9 years apart.

I have been patient, I have been forgiving, but I really need a new way to attack this...

[Petit Papillon]

you're not too old, I think once Lipp (other member) said there is a rule for age gap and if you keep with it, it will be fine
it's : (Your age / 2) + 7 and more of course .
About her... Can't you talk to her? She really needs to grow up a bit and tell her parents to stop. For God's sake she's 22 one!! She could live on her own as well I'm just 20 and I'm almost living abroad with my bf If her parents won't stop they will do a handicap out of her. Maybe you 2 could move in together? Is there a possibility or not? Because maybe she's afraid to go against her parents because she wouldn't have other place to stay? What about that?

[kalrin2001]

Hey, thanks for the reply.

I think she IS afraid of having no where to go, and we both feel it is too soon to be living together, besides that, we are both underemployed at the moment and the job market is kind of harsh...
I really wish for her to go to school and get a degree in something as well, and that's a million times easier if she remains with her parents. They want that for her too and they push it on her profusely.

I try to talk to her, but we both just get angry and wind up fighting.

[girl68]

it will never work with you 2. she is too young and she's acting like it.

[ChatterBox]

Walk away. Move onto someone who isn't tied to their apron strings. Find someone who has validated themselves and is willing to take the responsibiity for their choices. If she doesn't make her own choices in that respect you'll spend the rest of your time with her fighting for her to grow up and life is too short.