End of the ride or just a weird one?

[cai01]

Hey guys and girls,
This is my first time ever posting on this forum or any of it’s kind, but I’d like to give it a shot. I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for a about three months. It’s a little different, because we’re in China. She’s compete Chinese and I’m half-Chinese American, but that isn’t the point of the post at all since cultural differences, although important, aren’t really our problem right now.

Here’s the story, we met at a party, not to romantic, but fairly normal for people our age (23) last early May. We began dating after that, she lived in her dorms and I lived in mine. After two months, she graduated and I’m still going to school. After the term ended I had to get an apartment for the summer and she helped me move in. She put her things inside the apartment too as it had some space but then started to sleep over and then just lived there. She has a dorm to live in but she spent the money for it on clothes, shoes, entertainment, etc. She told her family about me (a very big deal in China if you date a foreigner, even if they are Chinese or part Chinese) and they have met me and like me. But gradually during our relationship, she’s become more and more distant, giving my looks when we’re alone that seem to hold me in the deepest loathing, as if I’m to blame for something that’s happened to her.

Before me, she had a long distance relationship with a guy for four years. It was her only relationship and they had only been apart a month before she started dating me. He hasn’t contacted her or anything, nor she him, and she rarely brings him up, and only does so when I plead with her to tell me why she’s so upset. As of now, she’s only intimate in the late evening and early morning (when I say intimate I mean Chinese intimate, so like a little kissing here and there) before and after those times she rarely smiles and seems to look for things to have them trouble her. I’m not completely confused, as I think our relationship went far to quickly and the both of us lack a lot of experience and maturity.

Which brings me to what happened this morning. These past few weeks things have been pretty bad. We had a fight over something topical where both parties were correct and incorrect, but I usually take these things lightly while this time she took it to a level I’ve never seen. During the argument she took some juice she was drinking and splashed me with it, I thought it was kind of funny and took the rest of it and splashed her shoulder, then she took the entire bottle and unloaded the entire thing onto herself and had the most pitiful, spiteful, self-defeated look I’ve ever seen. After that, it’s been uphill and then followed by a quick downhill. Then finally this morning, she’s been taking care of me for the last few days as I’ve been very sick, last night she made me my favorite kind of dish for helping to cure the flu and made it perfectly, all night she felt how hot I was and I couldn’t help but say thank you and I love you, which were responded with silence and a looks of remorse. Then, this morning, I got up to say goodbye to her for work, usually I take her there and have breakfast then pick her up when she’s off, but lately I’m to sick. Anyways, I gave her money to buy some breakfast and she hit it out of my hand and ran off to the kitchen. I told her it hurt my feelings and she wouldn’t speak again, then I inquired again and again, until finally she said she wants to be single.

I told her that I’ve made my decision, and that I love her, and it’s her decision on what happens next. I was wondering, based on what I’ve told you guys, what she could be thinking? I’ve got lots of ideas, but I feel like I’m missing something.

Thanks for reading!

[Gigabitch]

I suspect she's not over her ex and she feels bad about it. What do you think?

[cai01]

Well, I agree. My biggest difficulty is that I've never heard of or been in a relationship like theirs. Four years of long distance and rarely meeting each other, and she's mentioned she had a lot of difficulties because her family was against their being together for a fairly small reason. Evidently their main and only argument was he was to short. She's spoken of him a few times, and their history had a few break ups due to him being intimate with another girl and being cold about it. I agree that she's not over him, but how to approach such a thing when it's so foreign on so many levels? I try to give her a hug and listen, tell her about my experiences with teaching girlfriends and my interpretations (just once I mentioned those, mostly I just listen).

[Gigabitch]

It's not your job to help her get over her ex. It's her job to get over him and be available to be with you. It sounds like that isn't happening (maybe). It's really hard to tell what's going on with this girl.

Must be frustrating.

[cai01]

A little, but she's so kind and fun the rest of the time that even if it ends it's been a blast.

[cai01]

Just an end note: It ended, but as with most relationships, probably for the better.

[Raze]

Just an end note: It ended, but as with most relationships, probably for the better.

Yup, yup, well done my friend!