This is what I txted her this morning, after I ALMOST allowed myself to tell her how I feel about her over msn. (Don't worry I stopped myself before I got far).
I've spent the past few hours reading through the threads on this website, and have decided I should post here, even though I will likely hear exactly what I don't want to hear. -- And will likely ignore it, or continue to try an justify why I should continue pursuing.
I'm not going to go into to much detail, as I previously did, and the post became way to long...
Basically this girl, I haven't been able to get her out of my head for 3 years. We used to stay up talking till 3 in the morning, she was always excited to see me. There has been a few times where I have decided to stop talking to her and try to avoid contact with her, as when i'm around her, it's all I can think about. She always ends up reaching back out to me and dragging me back in. Take this year for example about 8 months ago I stepped off, as conversations with her got really hollow, and she wasnt initiating them anymore. A few months ago she emailed me, and said that we were really good friends and she didn't know what happened. I got dragged back in, anyways for the past few months we have been hanging out alot, and she claims she likes to hang out with me. When i'm hanging out with her, my mind is clear and empty it's peaceful. When i'm not around her my mind just spins, about her, about what I should have said, about what I should have done differently.. I really enjoy spending time with her.
Now the thing is, she apparently really likes this other guy, she claims she knows how I feel about her... And tells me she feels the same way about him. I don't think she really knows how I feel about her, as she's only known this guy for a few weeks and is already throwing her self at him.
Anyways I've told her I want to talk to her in person, and tell her how I feel about her. That way I'll know she knows how I feel, and she can in turn tell me how she feels. That way we have a complete understanding, and I'm not left wondering. She's told me she doesn't want to talk about it, because it will make things ackward for her.... Yet atm, things are extremely ackward for me. IMHO I think talking to her about it, will either strengthen our friendship (if that is really what she wants). It will also help me step back, because I won't have that constant question in my head, what if I had told her, would she feel differently.
So do you guys think I should go through and tell her? OR will that ultimately extremely confuse her, and make things really ackward for her? This action is purely selfish, because she takes up so much of my thought process -- And I can't live like that, I can't focus on anything else.
Let me know!
Thanks!