do I have reason to be mad about this?

[drummerchick423]

My ex and I have had a lot of problems. We were taking space, trying to work them out. By taking space, I meant we hadn't broken up yet.

Last Friday night was Halloween, which was my favorite holiday. We had had plans for a while to spend it together. Well, he actually didn't even want to go out. The night got all screwed up because he invited his friend, and that friend brought along a bunch of guys, and we ended up staying at this bar that I did not want to stay at. I was afraid we'd get stuck there, so early in the night, I confirmed with my bf that we were NOT going to be staying there. He said no, we'd leave after 1-2 drinks.

Well, 1-2 drinks stretched into several more. My bf barely paid any attention to me. After 3 hours of staying there I was ready to go. My bf basically said he wanted to stay with his friends. I was upset. All the way home, I was texting him. I just wanted an explanation for why he was ditching me. He barely responded. I sat home and cried til about 2am.

THe next day, I ended it (not just for this-there are other reasons. We're just at diff stages in life. He doesn't have a car or even his own room. He lives in a house w/ a bunch of people.) As I was giving him his things back, we talked about being friends... I was even thinking, maybe sometime in the future, once we both had our s*** together, we could get back together.

At one point, he tells me he "almost f'd a random chick" at the bar the night before, after I left. I assumed he meant that, he'd been so mad at me, he was tempted to step out on me. But he tried to make it a compliment by saying, see, that's what being with you has taught me, not to do that.

I was kind of stunned.

It's taken a few days for it to sink in, that I'm totally hurt by this.

I don't care how mad I've ever gotten at him, I've never even been tempted to cheat on him, and he would've been cheating, because we hadn't broken up yet.

I don't know why he'd a) even consider "almost f'ing a random chick" and b) why would he tell me this?

We had a big blow up over email about it. He called me crazy and I told him to grow up. I just wanted him to know I'm hurt. I can't be friends with him after this.

What do you think? Am I justified in being mad? I feel totally livid about the whole thing.

[Gigabitch]

Bleeeaaahhh. Walk away and don't even think about being "friends". You have too much emotional attachment for that.

[leitzin]

Do I have reason to be mad about this???

First of alllll... ANY and EVERY emotion you feel is justified. There is never a WRONG emotion.

Emotions are guages that tell you what you are experiencing. And they are never wrong.

Let me clarify. Lets say you totally misunderstood a situation and felt resentful, angry, and vulnerable. You find out the truth... well... the more accurate truth, and you burst out in laughter...

DOESNT MATTER... at the moment... based on the events and your interpretations of the events at hand... your feelings were right ON...

In other words... how ever you feel... the person you LOVE is RESPONSIBLE TO CHERISH YOU and your FEELINGS. WHILE it is necessary to be 100% responsible for your own emotions... IF someone you love creates events that lead to your pain... then either...

A. He is emotionally tone deaf...
or
B. He really doesn't cherish you.