tempted to contact an ex

[seganomics]

My boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half and have been broken up for about 3 months now. Other than a meeting or two within the first month to exchange things we have not spoken to each other.

I’ve been having a really rough time this year and I miss his support sometimes. I’m incredibly tempted to write him and catch up but at the same time I’m still really hurt from the break up and worry contact will only do more harm than good.

How do I fight this temptation? When if ever is it appropriate to try and catch up? I don’t want to hinder or prolong my grieving period but I just miss him so much.

Any advice?

[want2heal]

Don't contact him. It will do you no good! TRUST ME!!!! You want to contact him because a part of you still wants him back... and a part of you still hopes that things will get better. But YOU know deep down that this relationship will not work. All I can say is that if you do contact him, it will take you longer to heal... It will set you back and hurt you even more. So... DON'T DO IT. I am saying this to you because I've done it before and it feels like crap! So what if you call him and catch up.. do you really want to know that's happy and fully moved on while you are stuck??!? Learn from my mistake and don't contact him.

If you feel the need to call him... post here on this forum instead or call up a friend and vent about it. Stay strong!

[BeingAlpha]

Dont do it -- it will absolutely prolong the hurt. You still have very fresh and raw feelings for him. Seeing him will only reopen those wounds and reignite those feelings even more for a person that doesn't want to be with you. I contacted my ex after being broken up for 4 months - having slept together after 2 etc...hoping and thinking maybe she would have come around -- she had not and it made me feel even worse. I know the instinct if I don't contact them they will forget about me (they might -- but its because they want to). You are missing the comfort and love of someone - and maybe to some extent your ex -- but its probably just not having anyone that is hurting you.

If you need support - reach out to friends, don't discount the value of professional therapy, and/or complete strangers like here. You will make it through this, whatever it is....i promise.

[ashley89]

I miss my ex sometimes too, and there are moments where something will happen that I just wanna tell him, he was one of my best friends as well as my boyfriend, so that makes things harder. but then I really sit there and think... why do I wanna talk to him? he was an ass, he treated me badly (especially towards the end of the relationship and in the way he dumped me) and what the hell would I want to say to him? it's only been a few weeks so I'm obviously still hurting and I'm not over this. it doesn't sound like you are either, since you still miss him and want to talk to him.

I feel that eventually exes can talk, but it has to be when both of the parties are completely over their romantic feelings for each other. maybe that means when either one or both have found a new person, or they both know that the relationship is over and won't start up again. I'd like to talk to my ex ONE DAY... I don't know when, but someday. when I feel that I can talk to him without missing him and wanting him back. I don't know when the appropriate time for that would be, I guess it takes a different amount of time for everybody. but if you ever want to talk to anybody or vent you can send me a private message or anything

[seganomics]

Thanks. I feel like I vent so much I should be attached to a heating system. I just keep telling myself how he says he views me and that can help but sometimes. I wish we could be friends, but I know that we can't right now. He's not sorry for his actions after the breakup and I'm not willing to forgive them so it would hurt.

It just sucks to have someone in your life for so long and so intimately and now they are completely out of it.

[Black Man]

you said (I miss his support sometimes) thats mean you still think about him go to him now

[twinrexes]

I would not contact him. Being freinds with an ex is only possible after a very long time and works best when both of you are happily involved with new people. Even then, there's always going to be history between you and the dynamic of a "dumper" and a "dumpee". The only ex I'm still in touch with on and off for over thiry years is from a relationship where we mutually drifted apart. Rare, but it happens. And since both parties are fine with it there was never any need to avoid each other.

But you're not fine with it at all. Being around him will only remind you that you still care and he doesn't and that's like reopening a wound that hasn't finished healing, and then rubbing salt in it.

[ashley89]

It just sucks to have someone in your life for so long and so intimately and now they are completely out of it.

I know, it's like one day you knew this person so well and could go to them for anything, now we don't even talk... it's crazy to think about how things change