He made me cry for the first time yesterday

[LailaK]

We went camping on Friday and the bottom line is that we (or at least I) had a pretty miserable time. I will admit that I started out the trip acting like a bitch. I didn't want to go. I went anyway because I'm leaving the country for a week on Monday and I figured this would be the last time I would get to see him before then. I've also had a cold all week and I told him that I didn't think I'd be much fun camping with a cold. He didn't say anything back to me when I mentioned that.

I was mostly upset because I'd been asking him for details on the trip all week. He didn't give me any. He was always too busy to talk. Finally on 5 o clock on Friday he was like "I'll be at your house at 7". This pissed me off because I had to work late doing last minute prep for my business trip. I didn't get home until 6:50. He showed up at 7 and was mad that I wasn't ready aparently we were suppose to meet his friends at 7:30. Whatever. I packed what few things I could think of for an overnight camping trip because, again, I didn't have any details about what the set up was going to be.

When I get mad I shut down. I don't talk, I don't nag, I pretend like everything is fine. All the while I'm boiling away inside. It's something I get from my mother. I've been to therapy for it and it's not going away any time soon. I mentioned before on LF that he's extremely quiet sometimes. This happens a lot on long car rides. Usually I fill in the space with a funny story or questions about his day. When I'm mad I just stay silent, or better yet, go to sleep so I don't have to talk to him.

When we met up at his friends place I decided to do my best to have a good time. We went out to eat and my ex mentioned that he didn't have any cash so I covered both of us. I don't mind doing this. He usually pays so it's only fair that I do things like buy desert or cover the bill once in a while. After dinner all of us went to go get dessert. We went for Bubble Tea, one of my favorite things in the world. Unfortunately the place was cash only and I'd used up all my cash at the restaurant. I asked my bf if he could get money out of the atm and buy me one. He said that he didn't want to pay the extra charges for the atm and that if I really wanted one I should get money out myself or ask his friend to buy one for me. My boyfriend doesn't usually act like that so I figured he was mad at me for giving him the silent treatment earlier. Whatever.

We finally get to the camping site and him and I are barely talking to each other. We see some shooting stars and finally go to bed. In the middle of the night I have to pee. It's pitch dark outside, all his friends are asleep and of course my boyfriend didn't bring a flashlight. I wake him up and say I have to pee. He says he knows where the bathrooms are but he doesn't want me walking there by myself....... He advises me to go back to sleep......

I tell him that if I don't use the bathroom within the next 5 minutes I'm going to piss myself. He says nothing. Finally I say "Whatever. I'm gonna go into the woods and find a ****ing bush or tree to pee on." We're sleeping on a mattress in his SUV because he hates tents. The interior lights in his SUV don't work so I'm using his cellphone as a light to try and find his keys to open the doors. This is taking longer than 5 minutes and I SERIOUSLY have to pee. He's rolled over while I'm searching and he's trying to go back to sleep.

At this point I'm shaking with anger. I'm the most angry I've ever been with him. I don't curse, yell, or nag at my boyfriend. I shake him out of his sleep and say "I'm F*CKING frustrated and I NEED your help. Get up and help me find your goddamned keys!" He moans and says "They're in the front seat!" AND HE TURNS BACK OVER!!!

I get the keys after more searching, get out of the car and realize that it's pitch black, I can't see anything, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I'm trying to use his cellphone as a flashlight, but I can only see really faintly about 3 feet around me. I start to cry. I'm angry that he's going to let me wander around the woods alone in the middle of the night. I'm angry that I'm dating such an as*hole d*ckface. I'm sad that I still have to pee.

I decide it's not safe to wander into the woods. We're on the side of a mountain and I might hurt myself. I wander about 5 feet away from his car, turn the light on the cell phone off and settle down in the dark to pee and cry.

I get back into the SUV and continue to cry. I cried for a good hour before he turned over and asked if I was ok.

The next day I'm not talking to him. We get home around 12:30. I haven't even had breakfast. He leaves and I start to cry again. I cry because I realize that he doesn't even think he did anything wrong. I cry because for the first time I realize that I'm in love with him and he doesn't give a F*CK about me. I send him the "We have to talk" text. He ignores it for 2 hours before replying "ok".

I'm so sad right now. I'm sad because all I want is to be in a relationship with someone who cares about me and respects me and that's what I thought I had. It makes me happy to make him happy and I just want the same in return. He's coming over this morning to talk. I know that we're either going to break up or some SERIOUS sh*t is going to have to change. I hadn't even realized that I loved him until yesterday when he'd made me so angry that I couldn't breathe, but I realized that I wanted to at least give him a chance to make things right.

How stupid is that.

[asdfg789]

Hey Lailak. Sorry to hear about what happened.

I dont know much about your boyfriend but the way he behaved is similar to what I have done in the past.
I'm a very stubborn person and when I get mad, I can turn cold and heartless to a certain degree, even to the person i deeply love.

For the camping trip, i think you guys started the trip on the wrong foot and since BOTH of you chose to bottle your anger, it just exploded at the end.
So during your talk with him, you may want to apologize for your part in the buildup, explain why it happened and tell him how you felt about what he did.
Listen to what he says. It seems that you do want to keep the relationship so keep your emotions in check.

Good luck !!

[kitkitkitty]

it's gona be hard, but you need to stay calm with him. it didn't help, as asdfg said, that you were already not in the best of moods. has anything similar happened before? i know it's the first time he's made you cry but you were a lot more sensitive. would you have dealt with it differently otherwise? he was out of order giving you 2 hours notice and i don't see him defending himself on that much. with the waking up in the middle of the night i agree with you that it wasn't fair but to be honest, he may not have even realised that it was such a big deal before. but you need to tell him how it made you feel too. ask him how he felt during the trip and even if you don't really care, ask him what you could've done differently too, so it doesn't look like you're just attacking him. this means that he should listen to you attentively and really get everything off your chest so you can move forward. explain about the love bit too and see what he says. and good luck

[adam95]

Yeah i think he was showing attitude because you were on a bad mood and probably thinks that you ruined his trip. Explain to him you were having a rough day and you just really wanted him to show a little affection. Just make sure you don't yell or fight. Just talk calmly. Anyway you seem like a really calm person. I hope you work it out! good luck friend.

[misombra]

bottling stuff up and acting passive aggressive is the most irritating, unattractive thing a person can do. camping on the weekend usually means being ready to go on friday and coming back sunday. that's what i generally assume, being an avid camper myself.

also, being an avid camper, i don't understand what is so hard about walking a few feet away from your tent or whatever contraption you're staying to go pee. i do it all the time.

the flashlight. omg that is like, the ONE thing you shouldn't forget if you go camping. i take several flashlights with me because you always have to get up and pee at night.

as for his behavior, i don't think it was any better than yours. if you're upset, then fuking stand up and say something. i don't get why people don't do this unless they lack self esteem and/or self confidence. crying for an hour in the tent is ridiculous. so passive aggressive. if somebody were to make something as important and enjoyable to me as spending time in wilderness as bad of an experience as you did i would be pissed too and let you cry in the middle of the night too. i would probably sleep better too knowing you're more miserable than me.

if you're not brave enough to come out and express your frustration then you deserve to have it thrown right back at you. didn't your mother demonstrate this to you? can't you just try to be different if there's something you don't like about your mother? are there other things you blame on her?

/rant.

[Indignant]

i am with mso on this.
1. if you knew a week in advance that you were going camping than you had that whole to get your necessities ready.
2. there's nothing wrong with peeing in the bushes.
3." I cry because for the first time I realize that I'm in love with him and he doesn't give a F*CK about me." - really? you ruined a guy's camping trip and you dare say that you love him?

other than that, I am sure if you talk it over with him and apologize for chilidish behaviour then he might gain some respect for you.

[doppelgaenger]

bottling stuff up and acting passive aggressive is the most irritating, unattractive thing a person can do.

I partially agree with this. You can't just pretend everything is fine - this is a communication issue on your behalf and you need to learn how to get verbal and direct.

[LailaK]

I didn't yell at him. I didn't rehash a bunch of things that had happened on Friday. I didn't talk about Friday at all. I just asked if he wanting to be with me.

His answer was that 3 month ago we seemed to have a lot more fun then we're having now. So I guess that's that.

The only difference I feel between 3 months ago and now is that back then I didn't really care about him that much and now I feel a lot more for him. I'm in love with him now.

I don't know what I did. We don't argue all the time. This is only our 2nd argument. I really do try my best to be a good girlfriend. I try to make sure I'm not taking advantage of him. I don't keep tabs on him all the time. I'm not constantly trying to be around him every moment. I try to let him know that I appreciate him. I try to do things that I know will make him happy. He says it's nothing that either one of us did it's just a feeling and he can't put a finger on why. He wouldn't tell me that he didn't want to be with me but he wouldn't tell me that he did either.

I told him that I wanted to be with him but I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want me back. He told me he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I told him that I would prefer his honesty over him trying to save my feelings.

I told him to take the time that we're going to be apart (I'm going to Germany tomorrow for a week) to think about whether or not he wanted to be with me. He said that he feels bad leaving me in limbo for a week but I told him that he shouldn't be worried about that. He should just take some time to think about what he really wants, leaving my feelings out of it.

I couldn't help it, I started crying and I couldn't even look at him. I think that made him really uncomfortable which is a very telling thing. He didn't try to touch me or comfort me or anything. I really had no idea that he wasn't happy with me until Friday night. I thought we were good.

My heart is broken. I didn't tell him that I loved him. I don't want him to stay with me out of obligation or pity.

[LailaK]

As for camping. He hates camping. He only went because he wanted to hang out with his friends.

I don't go camping a lot so I didn't know what to bring or anything. He didn't bring anything but a change of clothes and his air mattress. No flashlight, no gear, no food, nothing.

When I asked him what made him upset with me on Friday he said that he felt like I expected him to take care of everything for the camping trip. He said that if I was so concerned with being prepared I could have emailed his friend Leo (who organized the trip) and got information myself.

I hardly think that this is completely my fault.

The one thing that we agreed on was that he said "If you didn't want to go, you shouldn't have gone." I agree with him. Next time I want to spend time with him before a long trip I'll squash the feeling.

[rain.man]

It isn't completely your fault, but it a good 50-50 split. He was insensitive, but you weren't helping the situation when you handled it like you did.

First off, a week is *not* a "long" trip. We aren't talking about spending the summer overseas here, a week is nothing to get all dramatic about. Second, if you didn't want to go, you shouldn't have. Bringing a bunch of negative emotions to what should have been a fun trip didn't help the situation at all.

[LailaK]

Now that the initial shock of our convo is over with I'm actually really glad that all of this happened.

I feel like he must have been wishy washy about our relationship to begin with. I'd rather be with someone who is excited to be with me rather than someone who is just with me because he's afraid to hurt my feelings. I'm pretty sure when I get back from Germany we're going to break up for sure.

We both acted immature on our camping trip but I feel like it was meant to be so I could find out how he really felt. I never would have found out without the fight because he's closed about ALL of his feelings.

[doppelgaenger]

Hey, when you get back from Germany, give me a call.

[SapphireBerry]

It sounds like you're not compatibile and not good for each other, this may be a little blunder to the realtionship and they happen all the time but you don't deserve a guy
who doesn't give an F about you. Most guys are like this, I have my best friend who worships the ground I walk on yet I'm chasing a German guy who acts like he couldn't
care less. My advice is to get out, it's not healthy, and I best follow my own advice too.
More to the point, he needs to realise that us women are very sensitive and pretending he didn't do anything wrong was immature
obviously he was the reason for you tears because of how he was acting. You both need to take it like adults and figure out what is
going to happen, frankly I can't put up with guys like this.. Seriously, they suck.

Sapphire x

[Indignant]

Hey, when you get back from Germany, give me a call.

i will greatly encourage this. i will be starting a new thread and taking bets how long it will take before you make her cry.

[LailaK]

^^^ I'm not a crier. I'm not an emotional b*tch. This is the first time I've cried over a dude in over 4 years. There's no need to be mean.