Whats your opinion?

[jane83]

Hi,

Im not quite sure if its time to give up on my relationship or not,was wondering if you guys could shine abit of light on my situation?

Basically I have been with my current partner for just over 2 years now, He's 36 and im 24 and in the past 6 months or so I have noticed a change in his attitude.When we first got together to be honest he was more into me than I was, Im the kind of person that likes to get to know someone before jumping in straight away, he's more fly by the seat of your pants in that respect.

The problems started to arise when he started hating his job ( college teaching) ,suddenly he went off physical affection and became argumentative, we talked about this and agreed that maybe it would be best to see each other alittle less to ease the pressure.

In the last few months after months of job trawling he finally found a new job ( graphic design ) that he enjoys (part time though so he has been able to cut his hours at the job he hates while still doing this new job)

since then he has also moved into a new flat.

In the past few weeks it has become nearly impossible to spend time with him without arguing.

He becomes increasingly upset with me for little things, for instance, when im at his place if I dont bleach the bath/tub imediately after I use it or if eat a breakfast bar without using a plate.

I understand his finances are tight which is why I travel to see him each week but me living in his space all the time makes me feel like im in his life, but he's not in mine.In the last few days he told me in a phone conversation that Im lazy and dont have any drive and expect "fame" to land on my lap.
To put this into context, I have a part time job,Study full time 2 hours away from my home for my Music degree, im working in a studio and learning to drive after putting it off for so long, after saying those things about me I just put the phone down,It really hurt me that my partner would say those things even when he knows how hard im working to forfill my potential.

To cut along story short after ping pong texting for about an hour he said that he would'nt take responsibility for my self asteem and that him saying those things was a "minor irritation" being so upset i told him i didnt want to see or speak to him again as basically he had just trashed everything i feel good about in myself.

I know what i said was abit over the top and i have appoloised to him for this, but his lack of understanding and failiure to acknowledge how hard im working to set us both up for a better life is really hurting me!

I feel like im putting in all this emotional and physical effort and getting nothign in return,I helped him with his decorating and also go around to his mums with him to do little jobs for her. He picks holes in everything i do and confesses that he cant help it, he's a perfectionist.

the problem is that i do really love him and i just keep wishing that things would go back to how they used to be when we were about a year in,

whats your opinion?

[vashti]

He sounds semi-abusive. I wouldn't feel bad at all about telling him I didn't want to see him anymore. Don't you believe you are capable of meeting someone who is actually nice to you?

You guys are just dating.... that is supposed to be the time when you discover whether or not you are compatible. It sounds like you aren't... there's no shame in admitting and accepting that.