has he dumped me or what?

[sar345]

Met a guy in September, went on 6-7 dates with him over the course of a month, had sex with him a few times, dude was all like 'I wanna introduce you to my friends,' 'you're so cute, sweet smart blah blah blah' and was just genuinely acting like he was into me, didn't change his tune after the first time we had sex, things seemed good, okay.

Then I was away for a weekend, he was sick for a week, so I don't see him for a week or two. He texts me, says he misses me, we make plans. He texts me the morning of, says he's too busy. (He works and goes to college both full time, so this seems legit.) He wants to make plans for the weekend but I'm out of town again so we don't. After the weekend, he texts me again, says he wants to take me out, we make plans. Again, he cancels, tells me he's so busy, if I want we could get together for lunch that weekend, otherwise he'll get back to me when his life isn't crazy. I'm working the day he suggests lunch so I just tell him good luck with everything, don't even mention lunch.

He doesn't contact me. After a week or so, I text him, ask how he is. He immediately sends back multiple texts, tells me he just switched jobs, asks me how I am, asks me what I'm doing the next day. I tell him it's my birthday, I'll probably be going out with friends. We chat a little more, he tells me he owes me a drink. The next day he texts me happy birthday, we chat a little, he ends the exchange with "hope to see you very, very soon."

That was over a week ago. Nothing since. I haven't contacted him because I'd pretty much decided it wasn't worth the trouble and he must not be interested in me, as at that point it had been 6 weeks since I'd last seen the guy. Went on a few (uninspiring) dates with other people in the last couple of weeks in an effort to move on.

But I really did like him, and I keep coming back around to wondering wtf. Why would a guy who isn't interested enthusiastically keep suggesting we hang out (and it's always him, I never bring it up because his schedule is crazy and I work a regular 9-5 so I was always letting him suggest dates)? But why would a guy who was interested not actually follow through with seeing me ever? Totally perplexed.

[Cerby]

Crap, I just typed a wicked long response in the other thread and it was deleted. So now you get the short version.

You aren't together, so you're not dumped. You're just dating, and that comes with no strings until the conversation about making it a "relationship". That said, it sounds like he might have someone else on the go and is just keeping you around in case that fails. My last response was this in 3 paragraphs, not making that effort twice.

[sar345]

ack, sorry, I thought it better belonged here and I didn't want to double post so I deleted and reposted. Thanks for the original effort.

Yeah, of course it wasn't a relationship. On the other hand, if a guy is going to stop seeing me, I'd like to be kept in the loop.

That was my most likely scenario too (that he'd found someone else and was just keeping me around as backup). I have a few dating-site reasons that suggest he's not seeing someone else that I'm not going into because frankly they may make me sound like a stalker. However, it does make the most sense.

[mammamia]

if you really like him, text him and ask him out again. You have nothing to lose.
I know it's hard to work/go to school at the same time, his reasons could be totally legit.

[Gypsybell]

Umm, two minds about it. On the one hand, intense attraction tends to override any other consideration in life and 6 weeks is a bit too long to be circumstantial (if he was hot for you he'd be on your doorstep every spare second he had) so he's not really hooked at this point.

Since you've already had sex that's not great after care. But if he is a go- getter and as into career studies as it sounds ,as well as working, then he may well be quite sincere about wanting to see you when he can. I doubt a man that busy has the time to have 2 girls on the go.

I just think you should contact him if you want to, and see him again at least once, to get a sense of how you both feel now, after 6 weeks. Closure is better than agro semi stalking and he may well turn out to be worth the effort. If he puts that much effort into establishing a career, he is not frivolous (and probably not a cheater) maybe just needs time to get to know you before he develops a deeper connection. Sounds like it would be like latching on to the tail of a commet, though. If you like him trust your own instincts.

[sar345]

yeah, I mean I have no doubt that he is legit busy-- he's pre-med and is also in the process of applying to med schools. We also work pretty opposite work schedules (I work weekdays, he works mostly nights) so that's another complication. On the other hand, we live literally ten minute's drive away from each other so its real difficult to imagine he couldn't have seen me if he wanted to.

I could contact him I guess. I just feel stupid doing it given that I haven't heard from him first in like three weeks. and I don't even know if I want to. ugh ugh ugh.