Fell in love with someone I shouldn't...

[Scarlet Knight]

So hello again Love Forum.
It's time for me to ask you for your helpful advice so I can get a better grasp of how people would view this relationship and if I have any chances and should go on with it or end it here getting hurt (mentally) in the process.

This goes way back to when I was 11-12 years old. I met a cousin who I fell in love with, back then I was a little boy though and we had only met a few times... after that I didn't see her for about 6-7 years at all. Now I'm nearly 20 and a few months ago we met on a wedding of a common relative and she approached me saying that I had disappeared over the years and that she was glad to talk to me again. We quickly decided to exchange phones and start hanging out together. At first I didn't think anything else other than the "usual cousin friendship" but suddenly after hanging out with her for a few times these old feelings I had sleeping in my heart for so long, forgotten deep inside it were awakened...

I started growing an interest in her but I kept it hidden and acted like a "normal cousin" trying not to touch any personal stories and keeping it on a relative-serious level. From there we kept going out, discovering more about each other and making up for the lost time we weren't together. At some point she asked me to go for vacations this summer at her place in a different city where she studies her own profession. I accepted her offer but maybe that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life...

Her house is small and we decided to sleep on the same bed, the heat was intense (as it's summer) so we had as little clothes as possible and I could see a lot of her skin/underwear which aroused me much to my surprise to the point I couldn't even sleep well... Till the third day of my stay we were a bit distant and shy about our bodies but after going to the sea once together she started undressing (not completely naked but even take off her bra in the same room as me to wear something else) and we were soon dressing in the same room together instead of me going to the hall. She said it was ok much to my surprise. Sadly the more the days were passing, the more comfortable she was getting with me, ending up hugging me with her whole body when we were on bed or at sea which turned me on but I had to bury it in me as quickly as possible. She wouldn't care if her pants were blantantly visible to me or if her boobs were nearly spilling out of her bra. She would hug me tight and even dance while at the same time she didn't mind me doing the same thing. She also was making a really sweet girly voice to ask me various stuff like where we will go for the evening/etc.

Around the 7th-8th day, we started talking about sexual stuff, heavy sexual stuff like how her boyfriend satisfies her or his flaws, which I responded with talking about my girlfriend too and how I have sex with her (yes I have one but due to long distance issues we have more of a free relationship that's fragile and can die at any moment). These things and a few more made me fall in love with her... madly. I tried to hold myself back but I couldn't... of course I didn't get abusal or anything but after all this I wonder if I could really have a chance with her with may be inexcusable to some but there is nothing I can do about that. She is a "second cousin", not a "first" one by the way.

I'm not talking about marriage or anything though, just a good long relationship with the person I love the most. I mentioned above I have a girlfriend, she was like everything for me but our relationship started rotting since we can't see each other often... the only reason we are still together is because we can't find anyone else we can rely on as much as we can on each other. But now I found this girl... which is my cousin too though dammit... I'm so confused at the moment I just want to cry... Why did this girl have to be my cousin... if we weren't cousins she would be perfect for me... from one side I envision me with her having fun and I love it but on the other side my family instict tells me it isn't right to be anything more than cousins with her... But it hurts so much feeling that I'm so close to her yet so damn far away...............

I'm better than her boyfriend in everything, from looks to skills to personality and sex even... not trying to brag but from what I've seen it's true plus they've been experiencing some relationship problems lately. I'm sure that if we weren't just cousins I could be with her now and not ask this forum for advise... but here I am sadly... asking you all for as many advises as possible. How would you act if you were me? Did any of you had similar relationship problems that you managed to get over in the end? Were you accepted by the family for doing such a thing as defiling your biological tree with a cousin relationship? Did you keep it hidden? How hard was it to convince your cousin that you and her can be together? Was it even possible? Do you guys and gals even think I should have a relationship with her or do you disapprove? I would like constructive replies and no flaming if possible please... girls tell me what you think of this too as guys sometimes think rashly and ignore the consequences of their actions.

By the way I'm a perfectly healthy, decent male who excercises, has a lot of hobbies like drawing/playing instruments, has no trouble in finding a girlfriend if I desire so and easy at starting conversations with others. I just sadly had to fall in love with someone I shouldn't...

Sorry for any bad grammar/vocabulary mistakes or if this topic was hard to read, English isn't my native language.
Looking forward to all your replies guys and gals

[michelle23]

Break up with your gf now. You are cheating on her which is cruel so end the relationship.

Many people have married their cousin. In a lot of cultures, it is tradition. She is a second/third cousin so I doubt there are much biological risks. You could ask your doctor to be sure.

It sounds like she is really into you too. Girls don't act like that around boys they are not interested in. Why dont you tell her how you feel? Make sure she ends the relationship with her bf before acting on it.

As for dealing with your family-you can cross that bridge if you have to

[Scarlet Knight]

Break up with your gf now. You are cheating on her which is cruel so end the relationship.

Many people have married their cousin. In a lot of cultures, it is tradition. She is a second/third cousin so I doubt there are much biological risks. You could ask your doctor to be sure.

It sounds like she is really into you too. Girls don't act like that around boys they are not interested in. Why dont you tell her how you feel? Make sure she ends the relationship with her bf before acting on it.

As for dealing with your family-you can cross that bridge if you have to

I don't think I really cheat on my girlfriend as I didn't do anything with my cousin yet, I just know that I love her more than any girl at the moment. I will break up with my girlfriend at some point for sure though, that's inevitable since we aren't in deep love anymore, it's just that none of us haven't found anything better yet (or at least she didn't).

Also I don't want to have children with my cousin or even marry her, I just want a nice and healthy happy relationship with her that would be nice to stay hidden for both mine and her sake. I think marriage or children is a bit too much and can endanger the child since we are relatives so I wouldn't like to do that. The last thing I want in the world is a daughter/son of mine to have health problems because her/his dad decided to make children with his cousin. I just want her and me to experience an awesome moment in our life if we love each other. (Not that I don't want to marry her but that could potentionally destroy our lifes so just a good long and healthy relationship would be enough for me).

And yeah, I will try to confess my love after she breaks up with her boyfriend.

Thank you Michelle for the heads up and giving me some hope about this seemingly hopeless situation.

Also one more note: She asked me to go abroad on a trip with her during this year, me instead of her boyfriend.

[pcmaster]

You should be in relationship with someone who is near you all the time. Your cousin just wanted to have fun, she invided you over and pushed herself in your hands. Its just one of the basic human needs to be touched etc. Its just a summer love. Dont complicate everything with feelings. Its not the recipe of happines to be too sensitive. Look at things simple as they are. After all it was just a summer love. Ever hear this expresion? The problem at your age is that you like many girls and they like you but you cant split, you have to choose one. There is tree ways how to love a person. With dick, heart and brains. Once you find girl that you can love in all these ways other girls wont exist for you anymore. Breaking up with your GF could be good idea since you cant be together daily. Love just dont go all the way here otherwise you would change your lifes and find a way to be together all the time.

Anyway cousing thing is total BS its just a fence in your mind. When I was 17 I fell in love with my cousin too. Back then it was against my principles. Now I understand what a BS it was. It really dont matter, even more I found out that she wasnt my biological cousin. Sometimes in life you just have to stop thinking and just do the things. Afterwards much more is done and you havent made more mistakes than ussual. Its much smarter to be in a moment, be aware of your surroundings and dont think about past or future. Open your eyes and look at the girls at the distance of the touch. Thinking about girls who is far away is just a living in a dream world, you can waste your life living in dreams. Just spend all energy on present. Thats the real life.

[pcmaster]

I don't think I really cheat on my girlfriend as I didn't do anything with my cousin yet, I just know that I love her more than any girl at the moment. I will break up with my girlfriend at some point for sure though, that's inevitable since we aren't in deep love anymore, it's just that none of us haven't found anything better yet (or at least she didn't).

Also I don't want to have children with my cousin or even marry her, I just want a nice and healthy happy relationship with her that would be nice to stay hidden for both mine and her sake. I think marriage or children is a bit too much and can endanger the child since we are relatives so I wouldn't like to do that. The last thing I want in the world is a daughter/son of mine to have health problems because her/his dad decided to make children with his cousin. I just want her and me to experience an awesome moment in our life if we love each other. (Not that I don't want to marry her but that could potentionally destroy our lifes so just a good long and healthy relationship would be enough for me).

And yeah, I will try to confess my love after she breaks up with her boyfriend.

Thank you Michelle for the heads up and giving me some hope about this seemingly hopeless situation.

Also one more note: She asked me to go abroad on a trip with her during this year, me instead of her boyfriend.

Oh man you are realy so gay. Girl was in front of you with naked boobs and even hugging ya in her bra and you acted like a virgin. Even complaining about her BF to you. What else girl can do? Is that not enought indication of interest then what is?

You realy are too young to enjoy life. After few years you will understand what a brainless creature you where. Your mistake is not allowing yourself to do mistakes. In this way it could be a looong time until you know excactly what you want in life. Thats what keeps you away from living.

[michelle23]

I don't think I really cheat on my girlfriend as I didn't do anything with my cousin yet, I just know that I love her more than any girl at the moment. I will break up with my girlfriend at some point for sure though, that's inevitable since we aren't in deep love anymore, it's just that none of us haven't found anything better yet (or at least she didn't).

You are cheating, sleeping half naked in a bed cuddling another girl IS cheating. So is her getting changed in front of you with your tongue hanging out.. Stop playing dumb. You know its wrong. Why do you need to find someone better first? That is ridiculous. I would rather be on my own than stay with someone who I am not that into. Grow a pair and break up with your girl.

Also I don't want to have children with my cousin or even marry her, I just want a nice and healthy happy relationship with her that would be nice to stay hidden for both mine and her sake. I think marriage or children is a bit too much and can endanger the child since we are relatives so I wouldn't like to do that. The last thing I want in the world is a daughter/son of mine to have health problems because her/his dad decided to make children with his cousin. I just want her and me to experience an awesome moment in our life if we love each other. (Not that I don't want to marry her but that could potentionally destroy our lifes so just a good long and healthy relationship would be enough for me).

That is a stupid idea. Okay so you two go out in secret, fall head over heels in love and are really happy.. So your gonna be able to find the strenght to walk away from her in a few years coz you wana get married and have kids? Not gonna happen dude. If you dont see a long term future then dont waste your time coz you will never get over her if you do fall for her big time.

[Scarlet Knight]

Oh man you are realy so gay. Girl was in front of you with naked boobs and even hugging ya in her bra and you acted like a virgin. Even complaining about her BF to you. What else girl can do? Is that not enought indication of interest then what is?

You realy are too young to enjoy life. After few years you will understand what a brainless creature you where. Your mistake is not allowing yourself to do mistakes. In this way it could be a looong time until you know excactly what you want in life. Thats what keeps you away from living.

Well she may have hugged me or undressed in front of me, she may have complained about her BF to me, she may have done a lot of things but humans are curious creatures. Maybe she is interested, but maybe she has found someone to just talk to and feel really comfortable with. I would like to think that she is interested in me but the fact that we are cousins gives me some doubts and that last thing I want is to be branted some kind of relative-love freak because the feelings between me and my cousin may not be mutual...

And as for who I choose to pursue and love it is not in my hand. Love is like a wild storm that catches and takes you with it. You think I wanted to fall in love with my cousin? I didn't want, I tried to fight this feeling yet here I am sadly and I can't do anything to forget this feeling at the moment...

Also about your previous reply, it's not about my age or anything, I rarely fall in love with girls and despite having what it takes to get a girl I rarely tried and I had only a few relationships so far. One of them was a long term one lasting 2.5 years till today while the rest were a few months and then resulted in breaking up.

The problem is just that when I look at my cousin, everything in my head spins like crazy and I can't find any flaws in her, everything she does is charming for me... and about the way you can love a woman with d*ck, brains and heart... I think I like her with all 3 although I think love is something greater than just that.

Still thank you for your reply and for trying to give me a wake up call. I like to hear what people from both sides have to say!

[Scarlet Knight]

You are cheating, sleeping half naked in a bed cuddling another girl IS cheating. So is her getting changed in front of you with your tongue hanging out.. Stop playing dumb. You know its wrong. Why do you need to find someone better first? That is ridiculous. I would rather be on my own than stay with someone who I am not that into. Grow a pair and break up with your girl.



That is a stupid idea. Okay so you two go out in secret, fall head over heels in love and are really happy.. So your gonna be able to find the strenght to walk away from her in a few years coz you wana get married and have kids? Not gonna happen dude. If you dont see a long term future then dont waste your time coz you will never get over her if you do fall for her big time.

Ok so maybe you are right, I've never thought that this felt like cheating just because we are a bit too friendly, I'm not sure about how my cousin really feels... but yeah, maybe it's time to break up with my girlfriend, maybe it will help to clear my mind too...

About the second quote you made, yeah it may sound stupid but do you think I would be here if I didn't need advise? I'm really troubled, I love my cousin to the point of thinking that I would like to marry her,etc... BUT, on the other side I think that child could be born with health issues and that's something I would never forgive to myself. Would you bear the thought that your child has problems because you chose to be with a cousin? I don't think anyone would... Also by keeping it hidden I save both her and me from trouble of our relatives thinking badly of us and possibly destroying her future...

Of course I could be wrong...

[LovingDad86]

If it was any other girl i would say get in there end your current relationship and heat up that bed even more but she is a relation to you I personally know i couldnt be it a second, third or fourth cousin...... its still family in a way :/

[pcmaster]

Dude is beautiful that you are comparing love with a storm. But realise that its summer hormones are high, your body was lonely for enought long time to feel "storm" with first beautiful girl you had a longer connection with. Ofcourse you had no control over that. Now you cant forget her cause you never really went for what you want and fact that she have BF only adds to drama making her harder(in your mind but not in reality) to get so making her even more attractive to you. Now you have all that sexual tencion and her imagine in your mind. The imagine that woke up these feelings in first place. So you wait long enought to forgget how she looks like or just find other girl who will reframe your reality. Now theres nothing special or better about her that other girls dont have. Its just a unussual setting where you been together and her friendly attitude towards you that makes her so damn good. Its just realy you were lonely in this particular way and she filled the gap. Just like any other girl would at the right time and place.
Dont make a big deal out of it

[pcmaster]

Would you bear the thought that your child has problems because you chose to be with a cousin? I don't think anyone would... Also by keeping it hidden I save both her and me from trouble of our relatives thinking badly of us and possibly destroying her future...

Of course I could be wrong...

Man have you kissed her at least? Yet you are talking about getting married and child. Thats not excatly present to reality. You think too much. But do nothing.

[Scarlet Knight]

Man have you kissed her at least? Yet you are talking about getting married and child. Thats not excatly present to reality. You think too much. But do nothing.

Read more of what I reply to Michelle before jumping to conclusions, I just explained to Michelle that maybe marriage in the long term is something I would think if I could be with her but there is not much chance for that due to the reasons I posted on my previous post...
Also I know how to get a girl to kiss me, I've been in situations where girls hit on me or me hitting on them. It's just the added layer of her being my cousin that makes it much harder. I'm not afraid to tell a girl that I want her or anything, I'm afraid of destroying my reputation about being a relative lover in case she refuses to be with me and just wanted to play a bit... If you can't understand then don't post crap please, you only make yourself look dumb(sorry for that). I'm quite potent at getting girls and I've rejected a lot of them, I've been rejected by a lot too but I know when I love someone more than others. It's not just a dumb summer love dude, I am hanging out with her since october or so, and I know what I feel.

If you've seen some stuff Michelle quoted from me at the start was that I didn't want anything more than a normal relationship and she started going crazy about this never working out because I don't want marriage and stuff...

[pcmaster]

If you can't understand then don't post crap please, you only make yourself look dumb(sorry for that).

Good luck with whatever lol. Im sure doing things this way(not doing anything that matters - not taking risks) will end in the same way as they started. But I must report this language. No offense.

[Scarlet Knight]

Good luck with whatever lol. Im sure doing things this way(not doing anything that matters - not taking risks) will end in the same way as they started. But I must report this language. No offense.

Well maybe you could actually say your opinion in a constructive manner without calling me gay or brainless or even thinking you can teach me how to get a girl to kiss me because apparently that wasn't my problem...

[pcmaster]

Well man dont be so sensitive, im not saying im better or that you are worse than me. Just saying for your age and expierience level things are normal.

In your place I would cut any artifical contact with all the girls. No skype, phone emails etc. I would realy concentrate on myself. Like month or two stop using internet, phone, TV and etc. - all the information sources from outside. Change the surroundings too(diferent country or town) In this way the confusion would disapear cause I finaly could hear my own voice. I would know for sure what I want in life. Did this few times before and it always ends up with higher inner confidence and ability to focus. In this way you would realy know which girl you want to be with and how to aproach her. You would know how cause you like her and you know its right. Doesnt matter what everyone lese thinks you would be ready to fight for her cause you know you deserve her. Finaly you would trust yourself.

Seriously just stop thinking. Talk with all the girls that you meet in everday life and it will let you know girls better in general and make you so much less of a vegetable near girls you really like.

This guy explains lot of this stuff.



Listen carefuly