how to basically grow up/man up?

[no-se-nada]

So, I figure it would be best to be fully honest on here, since I am a little embarrassed to say some of this to friends. So to start off, I am 26, a virgin, and have never even kissed a girl. Back in school I was extremely shy, so I was too scared to really talk to any girls I liked. As I got older, it kinda bugged me that I was so far behind the game, and I didn't want any girls I liked to find out and think I was weird, so that made me more nervous, and you can see the pattern. Now that I'm older, I realize how dumb I was and regret being so scared when I was younger. So my virginity, isn't really a HUGE deal, I mean yea I'd like to lose it but I figure as long as its been, might as well make it with someone I do like, not just lose it just to lose it. But relationship-wise, honestly I don't know where to start. Self esteem issues when I was younger (which contributed to the shyness in part) made it very hard to believe a girl would like me, due to weight issues and my lack of experience, etc. I've worked on it, and am a lot better with my self esteem, and can actually believe that a girl would have feelings for me. A friend proved that to me too, admitting that she did have feelings, which were mutual, but it couldnt work out. Seems like anytime there actually was a girl that liked me, there was something in the way. But now, if I see a girl looking my direction, it actually does pop in my mind that she might be interested, which never happened before. My problem now is, though I've managed to move up from looking away when I make eye contact with anyone to being able to smile and maybe say hi or something, I still have issues with showing my interest. I made a post about a new girl at work, and even though a good friend noticed I have a crush on her (though its hard to tell if she actually thinks that or is just messing with me) I still deny it and act like eh she's cool and cute, but its not like that. So I guess my question is, how do I grow the f up and actually be man enough to show interest in someone and actually find someone? I know that I'm going to hear a lot of get out there, or take a chance, and I know I need to, but maybe some suggestions or detailed ways of whats the best way to get past all this? And how bad will the lack of experience hurt me if/when a potential date finds out?

[FlaCooln]

Just start with one girl. Ask her out, the worst she can say is no. It really is not a big deal if she does say no, better for her to be honest from the get go. Then, ask another. Soon you will realize that it really doesn't hurt and you were scard/nervous for nothing.

Now figuring out which girl to ask can be a bit more difficult. I look for the one that is extra friendly to me, smiling, and if she touches me when she talks to me. Many women are very touchy/feely, so if they like someone they usely will touch your hand, shoulder, or some kind of contact and most don't even realize that they do it.

I suggest (if your not doing so already) fixing yourself up. Join a gym and workout regularly, get a proper clean haircut, and dress well. Dress is important and if your always in shorts or old jeans and sneakers it is hard to attract women. Women appreciate a guy that takes care of himself, as they figure if he is sloppy and unkept he could never take care of a GF. If get yourself looking good and feeling good women will take notice and you will have way more opportunities.

Also, please use the return key and some paragraphs. It is much easier to read when separated.

[michelle23]

You should forget the past, stop beating yourself up and have no regrets. Today is a new day and time to start a new chapter in your life. If you like a girl just ask her out, be yourself and relax. Youll meet someone who likes you for you and you can go from there.

Best of luck

ps: if you don't try and fail a few times you will never succeed. Keep trying and you will get there

[Boisdevie]

maybe some suggestions or detailed ways of whats the best way to get past all this?

Get rid of your virginity quick. It's easy, just fine a fat girl - they seem to be grateful for the attention. Then once the deed is done your confidence will be sky high and it will be all downhill aftewards.

[PradaChanel]

Get rid of your virginity quick. It's easy, just fine a fat girl - they seem to be grateful for the attention. Then once the deed is done your confidence will be sky high and it will be all downhill aftewards.

lol. That wasnt nice smh lol.

[no-se-nada]

Lmao about the fat girls. Yea that wasn't too nice. Sorry about the long paragraph, I typed it on my phone and just kinda rambled whatever popped in my head. I appreciate all the advice though. I have been losing weight and trying to work on myself, and when I'm at work I'm always in a shirt and tie, so I do get some looks from the ladies here and there, especially if I stop somewhere after work. Even the other day, I was walking around at work and a really beautiful girl walked past me in the same direction, and said I'll race ya. All I could do was laugh, and as she pulled away she said I win! And still, I couldn't come up with anything to say :/ with friends I can be quick and witty, but with strangers...not so much.
I mentioned in another post I made that there's a new girl at work that is cute, and we seem to be getting along pretty well. I just have a hard time figuring out if she's just being friendly or might be interested. Like yesterday I helped her with something, and afterwards I said well you don't need me anymore, I'll be on my way. She said ok, but you can come back and hang out if you want. I dunno if that means she likes me or she's just bored at work and wanted someone else to talk to. She's already had a guy come on really strong at work and ask for her number, and I know that kinda freaked her out, so I don't want to make it weird for her if she's not interested. Oh well, I guess we'll see.

[FlaCooln]

I think she is interested, she wouldn't have told you to hang out if she was not.

[no-se-nada]

Yea, I'm hoping so. She'll be back to work tomorrow, so I'm planning on trying to see if I can gauge any interest when I see her. She does seem shy though, is there anything in particular that would be good to say that might give me a clue to whether or not she is at all interested?

[kat82]

I hear ya...I'm a female...my first kiss/date wasn't until freshman year in college. In hs I was way too shy. If I thought a guy was cute, I ran the other way. Getting over my anxiety and going on that first date was all I needed. I met the guy through a friend, and he asked me out. I wanted to say no...only because I was so shy about it & felt so self consious about all of the experience I lacked. I actually threw up...yup....threw up....a day before the date. I was nervous, but once we got over the initial 'hello's' at the front door, and went out, I let myself breathe a litte...and just had fun! And guess what, at the end of the night, when he hugged me good bye... I kissed HIM! (not making out type of kiss, but more than a peck on the lips).

So, basically you need to kind of ignore that fear & anxiety, and get that date. Can one of your friends set you up (I was always too scared to ask people out, too)? Even if that first date doesn't go that well, you will feel a lot more relaxed once you get that first one over with. Hell, even if you aren't crazy about her...give her a little kiss at the end. After that, you could always try online....it's so much easier to talk to people over the internet. Just be careful, there are a lot of crazies out there...weather you are a guy or a woman.

[no-se-nada]

Haha wow, I've never thrown up...but once when I gave a friend I liked my number to keep in touch (she was moving), I was shaking like crazy, which she had to have felt when she gave me a hug bye :/ lol but yea, thanks for the perspective. I think with this girl at work I'm gonna try to take it slow, we've been getting along really well so far, and I learned we had a few things in common today. I still can't judge if she might be interested, so that's why I don't want to misinterpret anything and make it weird. She seemed happy to see me every time I walked up, but who knows if that's just in a friendly way or what. At worst I have a new friend though lol and might get lucky and it may go further

[smackie9]

Step one, ask girl out.
Step two, take girl out, and ask questions about herself.
Step three, never mention you are a virgin.
Step four repeat steps one and two.
Step five attempt to kiss girl, make sure a little drinking of alcohol is involved (not drunk) but just some liquid courage can go a long way.
Step six if things do get very serious, then you can say you lack some experience, but do not say how much.
Step seven, doing the deed.....make sure you pull one off in the bathroom before you perform some mattress magic.
Step eight, ask what she likes, explore her, and wing it from there.
Step nine...happy ending, and hopefully many more after.

[bearz]

Step one, ask girl out.
Step two, take girl out, and ask questions about herself.
Step three, never mention you are a virgin.
Step four repeat steps one and two.
Step five attempt to kiss girl, make sure a little drinking of alcohol is involved (not drunk) but just some liquid courage can go a long way.
Step six if things do get very serious, then you can say you lack some experience, but do not say how much.
Step seven, doing the deed.....make sure you pull one off in the bathroom before you perform some mattress magic.
Step eight, ask what she likes, explore her, and wing it from there.
Step nine...happy ending, and hopefully many more after.

Should sticky this post in its own thread!

[no-se-nada]

Step one, ask girl out.
Step two, take girl out, and ask questions about herself.
Step three, never mention you are a virgin.
Step four repeat steps one and two.
Step five attempt to kiss girl, make sure a little drinking of alcohol is involved (not drunk) but just some liquid courage can go a long way.
Step six if things do get very serious, then you can say you lack some experience, but do not say how much.
Step seven, doing the deed.....make sure you pull one off in the bathroom before you perform some mattress magic.
Step eight, ask what she likes, explore her, and wing it from there.
Step nine...happy ending, and hopefully many more after.

Awesome. Seems simple enough lol

[smackie9]

Oh and I forgot something.....remember to enjoy yourself and have fun.

[no-se-nada]

Haha thanks again for that, I'm trying to relax a lot more about talking to the ladies, and I've gotten better but still got a bit to go. I've learned a lot from these forums though