Would you be mad?

[hunter1]

My bf invited me to go on a weekend trip with him and his daughter, she's 12. They are going to spend the weekend with his brother and his wife and her family.

I was then told the next week.. that I was invited if there was enough room. Knowing that I might have another obligation on board that I would need to get out of.. I kept asking like almost every week.. have you talked to your brother yet?

We've been dating for 2 years. This will be the 3rd year that he's been invited on this trip and has gone with just him and his daughter. And that's fine. But it's not like it's a private weekend. There will be lot's of people there.

Basically, he put me off.. saying he had talked to his brother and he was supposed to be getting back to him. At that point, I said.. ok, well forget it. I'm not going to wait til the last minute to let everyone know what I'm doing when people are asking me to do cover things for them. If I can't help out, I'd rather just say.. yes or no. Not.. uhm, idk.. my bf can't make up his mind.
At that time......He responded to just let him find out what was up from his brother again and we'd go from there.

Then after that he just conveniently acted as if he'd never invited me to go anywhere. He talked about the trip but never in context with me. Just him and his family.

We are grown people over the age of 40. Not kids that can't decide what we want to do.

I realized today that I'm really really really mad about this whole situation. It is making me very angry. Not only do I have to sit home all weekend ALONE. I also get to watch his house and take care of his daughter's cat.

I already know the answer to all this but I'd like to get some input.
Also, I'm mad because his family is so rude. They keep inviting him like he's free and easy. Like he has no gf.
That also hurts. And it hurts that he accepts.

[Mathias]

Also, I'm mad because his family is so rude. They keep inviting him like he's free and easy. Like he has no gf.
That also hurts. And it hurts that he accepts.

This is the part that sticks out to me.

Why shouldn't his family invite him just because he has a girlfriend? How should that make him less free to do what he wants?

[IndiReloaded]

The problem isn't the family tho, its him. Generally one makes it clear that one has a partner and an invitation is extended to both.

How is your relationship w/his daughter? This may be more about her comfort level (i.e. you not replacing 'mom' at a family gathering).

Have you met his family in another context? Maybe you should invite them over for dinner when his daughter is visiting mom. Be strategic (and sensitive) in how you insert yourself into his family.

Oh, and you should definitely tell him you are hurt that you were invited and then (basically) uninvited, or conditionally, however you want to phrase it. It was a mistake on your BFs part (not his family who possibly had no idea he has done this). Explain to him it makes you insecure about your relationship. Try not to yell at him when you do this.

[hunter1]

The problem is completely him. He was never married to his daughter's mom so there's no time that she was a "part" of the family.
I agree, it's not his family's fault.

It's him. He's been overly insensitive lately. He'll be going to Mexico with his guy friends next weekend for a guy only birthday celebration.
So yeh, I'm feeling a bit sensitive.
This will make 3 trips that he's gone on within about 30 days that I've not been invited to attend.
I guess the picture is fairly clear, I'm just not looking at it right now.

[Wakeup]

The bottom line is you are a martyr. You're upset that he doesn't insist that you be invited along because you are his girlfriend but, you accept that and enble him to be uncaring by looking after his house and his kids cat. Have you ever just said to him, "No, I'm not looking after your cat while I get left out once again this year."

You basically invite him to take you for granted.

You have to change your attitude to either something that lets him know that his behaviour is unacceptable and therefore you won't reward it by taking care of his stuff while he's away or, you gladly let him go on this Father/daughter/aunt and Uncles weekend and you happily look after his stuff while he enjoys time with his daughter.

It's just self-defeating to be a martyr.

[Windmillback]

After 2 years od dating, this is a problem and you should discuss it with him. I know many ladies in their 40's that have let their BF go because after 12-18 mo. there was no ring.

[elleda]

dha

dump
his
ass

[Wakeup]

dha

dump
his
ass

RME

rolls
my
eyes

[reeba]

I have no problems with the seperate vacations. Do you really want to go to Mexico as your bf gets drunk at his buddy's bday party? However, when the family habitually does not include you after 2 years, there is an issue. Obviously your 'standing in the relationship' has been downplayed by him, and thus his family is treating your status as described by him.

You first need to ASK him what your status is. Because it sounds to me, you aren't happy with the way things are going and you want more.
And if his answer is good, then you need to tell him he needs to tell that to his family and invite you along to family functions once in a while.

[devonbrown]

The problem doesn't seem to be the separate vacations, the watching of his cat, him not inviting you to his guy's weekend, etc. It seems to be communication. You are both in your 40s? So what is stopping you from talking to him about this? Don't post on a forum, TALK TO EACH OTHER! You are both adults, so act like it.

[dewy]

I believe the problem is with him. It is him who has to decide what is your importance in life. Once he starts treating you well his family will automatically do the same.