i feel so lost and empty

[jillibean]

Hi how is everyone keeping,
Well my whole story is just too long to write so ill try to be brief!
My guy and i split up after 11 years, well 12 in the end.
It just wasn’t working anymore, although i loved him we reached a point where no argument would be resolved and could not agree, didn’t seem to be going the same direction anymore etc, it caused emotional exhaustion and unhappiness.
So i left with a heavy and broken heart into a new and unfamiliar world.
we never really entered NC and began seeing each other 1 month later.
it was bliss, the whole experience gave us the kick to grow up and start listening to each other again, we resolved allot of old issues and just couldn’t get enough of each other

7 months in he tells me he met a girl right after we broke up and she was 7.5mnts pregnant and he knew all along. he spent allot of time with her, but it was just sex etc..I can’t live without you.. I need you..your all I ever wanted.etc
I lost something inside me that day and never got it back. and I couldn’t believe he kept it from me all that time.
So I stood by him and it was just a messy tangle of resentment and confusion for us both, coping with spending time with the baby together, allot of mind games on his part and I plunged into a paranoid, bitter depressed wreck!!
I just couldn’t cope and how we lost each other even when we were still together and how much we had changed.(it’s all in my last thread)
I had to walk away and go through the loss all over again.

I thought it would be easier this time because im certain its the right thing so much has went on since the baby was born last October, there is allot of hurt and resentment there.
I desperately miss what we used to be and no matter what it can never be like that again.
It’s been 6 weeks since we split, self esteem is so low im deeply unhappy and very lost, not sleeping etc, I don’t feel I fit in anywhere and have become very withdrawn and lonely and I know going back isn’t an option as it will surely be the end of me .

To make it worse he continues to contact me pleading for another try.
I’m doing my best to be around my family and friends, and keep busy but the emptiness and doesn’t go away.
ive always been artistic and enjoy music and cooking but I just don’t enjoy anything anymore.
sorry to go on, just helps to write.

[mamabird]

I don't have any advice for you,because I'm lost and empty too right now,but I wanted to let you know you weren't alone. Sending big (((hugs))) in hopes we get over these feelings soon.

[jillibean]

thanks mamabird, hugs are always good. i hope things get easier for you soon too

[Charlie Boy II]

He was f-cking a girl while she was 7.5 months pregnant!! He would have been actually cumming on the poor kid's head. That makes me feel sick. I mean if it's your own kid, that's one thing. But imagine lying on top of a woman and feeling the kid kicking through its belly. "you're not my dad," those kicks are saying.

[Gigabitch]

This is the hardest part, Jilli. It really can't get any worse. It sounds like you've decided that moving on is your only option and you just need a little support in doing that, so I'm not going to even go in the "possible reconciliation" direction.

It's going to take you ages to get over him. If you just expect this to begin with, the slow pace won't bother you so much. Healing from a heartbreak happens with about the same speed as a tree grows. Just keep going toward the light, okay?

[jillibean]

no i guess i cant feel any worse, well i hope not! i can see the light its just relly dim as yet.
i planted a tree last year in my back garden, it still only like a foot tall. this is not good!.
thank you for your kind words.
and Charlie boy, the child is his. he was sleeping with her the month we split up. when we got back togeather it took him 7.5 months to bring himself to tell me. sorry i didnt phrase that sentance very well.

[Charlie Boy II]

^^^ oh alright. I don't feel so sad now.

[jillibean]

was a scary thought though to be fair when you put it like that!! ill pay more attention when writing in future.

[shh!]

I think you did the right thing in leaving him. I don't know how you could have ever trusted him again, and bringing a baby into the picture is just too much to ask after the cheating.

It will take some time, but you'll bounce back. Stay strong.

[Brose]

He was f-cking a girl while she was 7.5 months pregnant!! He would have been actually cumming on the poor kid's head. That makes me feel sick. I mean if it's your own kid, that's one thing. But imagine lying on top of a woman and feeling the kid kicking through its belly. "you're not my dad," those kicks are saying.

LMAO oh crap.

Wow all jokes aside.

This is a tough one. especialy since yall were together for SO long. but i think you have done a great job in being strong and looking to your family and friends for support and guidance. when you feel the time is right, you should put yourself in situations where the kind of quality guys you deserve will spot you and you can give love another try. Goodluck

[Only-virgins]

Damn, 12 years. I'm sorry. Good luck and I hope the best, I know that has to be a strong attachment.

[Mish]

It’s been 6 weeks since we split, self esteem is so low im deeply unhappy and very lost, not sleeping etc, I don’t feel I fit in anywhere and have become very withdrawn and lonely and I know going back isn’t an option as it will surely be the end of me .

To make it worse he continues to contact me pleading for another try.
I’m doing my best to be around my family and friends, and keep busy but the emptiness and doesn’t go away.
ive always been artistic and enjoy music and cooking but I just don’t enjoy anything anymore.
sorry to go on, just helps to write.

I'm sorry to hear that. My only consolation for you is that it will get better with time. The emptiness will go away and you will once again enjoy music, your friends, family and cooking. Be strong and look forward to these better days that will come soon.

[michzel creativ]

Sometimes in our lives their is up, side, and down's..... Be strong, the baby is there and its your lifetime companion. Good for you to have that experience, for now on be careful in choosing a better man....Take it as a lesson.

[IndiReloaded]

That's tragic, Jilli, I am so sorry for you.

I really thought Giga's post about reaching for the light is the best advice.

Also, knowing that you did the right thing & ending it for good. His place is with his child now. He made that choice long ago & now he needs to live with it. It is right that you tell him to face up to it.

You sound like a good person. Try to remember that when one door closes, another always opens. I think in future you will reach a place where you will look back & see this was actually best for you.

Until then, keep your chin up.

[lonely_girl]

I’m doing my best to be around my family and friends, and keep busy but the emptiness and doesn’t go away.
ive always been artistic and enjoy music and cooking but I just don’t enjoy anything anymore.
sorry to go on, just helps to write.

You keep on writing honey, thats one of the reasons i joined this forum too. Even if no-one reads and replys to our threads at least we are not bottling things up.

I hope you are feeling ok today and you WILL get though this. Big hugs