I can't stop crying

[ecojeanne]

I broke……I know this is a bit weird of me to admit, but I guess the animal called ecojeanne has feelings. I dunno why I’ve let it get to this point emotionally. I’ve denied myself a cry since the break up of my ex. I’ve been getting angrier and angrier as the days go by. I cried one night over champagne after the break and that’s it. I focused on hating then. I went out Saturday night and had a chat with my friend and almost cried..wtf? I realised I couldn’t switch off these feeling anymore. I don’t want him back but writing replies on the forum has made me look more closely as to why things didn’t work out. I denied that it could be me or any of my fault. I just couldn’t accept that.

The jealousy thread made me think about the ‘shame’ my ex had cared about so much. I looked up the Chinese and shame and realised it was normal for him to focus on shame so much! Wtf? Now of course I’m starting to feel bad coz it was the way he was brought up and so when we had rows it was coz the shame thing was so important to him. I always faced him with reality of his and my faults (also to point out that its not so bad) and he wouldn’t accept this……we were ‘perfect’ and I didn’t get how or why he would pretend he was perfect……..but I’ve discovered he wasn’t pretending he was preserving his dignity. (well from what I’ve read)

He lied all the time and I always pointed out when he did coz that is something I cannot stand. But it was a culture difference.

Don’t get me wrong…he was a terrible bf and I will never take him back but I think if I had known this from the beginning it wouldn’t have ended so badly and have me feeling like this now.

I’m running a hot bath now, it has Jacuzzi settings and I’m gonna read my book, light an organic candle, have a beer and bawl my eyes out. I’ve been on the couch for too long. It’s really time for me to move on but I’m probably going to feel guilty about my ignorance and the misunderstandings we had.

Has anyone here dated a Chinese man? am I right in thinking what I do about the shame and culture difference?

[boobaa]

My sorry for you. You seem to be the kind of person who understands other people better than everyone else. I am sure you had a good reason to break up with him even if you didn't understand the situation quite clearly back then. I am shure it was a good lesson for both of you. thinking aboutwhat should you have done isn't going to help. or, do you want to date another chinese man just for the sake of it to regain the experience? Why are you asking such a question? You were from different cultures, you were from as much different culture than him so the misunderstandings were probably equal, it was meant to be that way.

[ecojeanne]

thanks boobaa

P.S. i also want to apologise to people on loveforum that i was ott with. i hold my hands up.

[shh!]

Cultural differences can be very difficult to overcome - to the point that two otherwise perfectly nice people cannot bridge the gap. I suppose that if there is a lesson to be learned, it is that one shouldn't minimize the differences. Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself.

[ecojeanne]

thanks shh! i have to say i really appreciate that. i just spent the last few hours in the bath, i feel like shit but i needed to do that. i'm rock bottom right now and i came down more than a few pegs. tomorrows another day.

[blackzj52]

its ok, he prolly had a small dick

but in all seriousness, dont get down on yourself. break ups arnt ONE persons fault, both people are at fault no matter the circumstances. even if the situation involves cheating. one person did (or wasnt doing) something to the other to drive them to it.

break ups arnt fun, im just getting over mine. just think of the persons faults/flaws and things they did that pissed you off. it helped me (id much rather be pissed than sad).
from the sounds of things, he lied to you alot, so **** him.
and i think ur right about the shame thing. asians are all about honor/shame and that bs, its just the way theyr raised.

feel better

[alter_ego]

I'm really sorry to hear how you are feeling today.
A week ago or so when I was feeling sad about my ex, you responded rather quickly and I took great comfort in reading your words. There was one thing that struck me while reading your words, and that was your ability to quickly understand another person's state of mind. You seem like a very compassionate person.

I don't understand the part about the shame, but he not wanting or being willing to accept that things wasn't perfect could also be a result of his own inner insecurity. Not wanting do admit that something valuable to his was flawed. Perhaps he saw it as a personal failure?

And Eco...there is no shame in crying... in fact it could be good and healthy to get things out of your system. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[DoesntMatter]

Awww cheer up eco, he is the problem. You shouldn't feel so bad knowing he's a dick!

[1averagejoe]

Cultural differences can be very difficult to overcome - to the point that two otherwise perfectly nice people cannot bridge the gap. I suppose that if there is a lesson to be learned, it is that one shouldn't minimize the differences. Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself.

One of the reasons I prefer the ladies in my culture/religion. I just think it will keep things a little easier.

I think religion and cultural difference is something that can work, but it's going to be very hard.

I'm not going to lie, I have a thing for asian girls. Don't know what it is, always have, even when I was in middle school. I'm just attracted to them. But I find it difficult to see myself dating one for the reason of cultural differences.

Plus I hate asian food.

[ecojeanne]

thanks guys, i know i won't feel any better tonight but i can honestly say; even as bad as i might feel right now, i know i don't have it the worst, i'm drunk on beer so i'm gonna sit back and try and rest my eyes...they sting like hell and actually feel bruised...oh well...like i said before .....tomorrow is definitely another day.

[starbuck]

Have a good cry if you need to, Eco. It will probably help you feel better.

His behavior and the bad breakup probably wore away at your self-esteem. At least you're on the road to getting it back now. And you sound like you're learning alot from it. Some people don't take those lessons away from the experience.

[Dasein]

Eco I had a boyfriend that I went out with for 3 years that was Chinese (he was from Hong Kong).

I'm not sure what you mean about the shame part. I know my ex (who is still a friend) had to deal with a lot being the only male in the family to carry on the business and family name. He could never live up to his Father's expectations.

BTW I don't think lying is a cultural difference. Is that what he used to say?

Anyway let me know what you mean by shame?

[ecojeanne]

tbo dasein i'm not even sure if i know if that was a 'cultural' difference...i only looked it up just in case i got myself wrong, i did however come across an article about the chinese and shame and i connected with it...maybe coz i was looking for an explanation, i don't really know

[Only-virgins]

I'm so bored, I need a girl to shove my cock into ... seriously ...nothing to do here...I want to go somewhere but there is no where to go.

[doppelgaenger]

Oh youuuuuuu, stop crying. Cultural differences are no excuse for his behavior. I think you are a very accepting and understanding person from what I gather from your posts, even if it isn't completely thought out. That guy probably deserves to have his little mandarin oranges plucked.

Go find yourself a nice Irishman

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4nsI02gnUk"]YouTube - Dane Cook-Crying[/ame]