...Hey!

Alright, I'm in a bit of an odd place right now... I'd like to stick around a bit here really, I've only limited experience in the relationship arena, but I've been told my most recent one gives me the exp. of ten relationships lol, so...

Anyway, I met my (first, ever) girlfriend a couple years ago, knowing she had issues with self esteem, paranoia, etc... Thinking that with a little love, I could help her with those things. So she moved in with me close to a year ago, during which time she became dangerously co-dependent, threatening suicide when she didn't get her way, throwing tantrums, involving my friends in her tirades and killing my social life.

It had to end, so I dumped her, despite her promises to reform if I didn't... After all, why hadn't she done such things earlier; I knew that if she really could/wanted to, she would have. No fault of hers, or mine, but... Really, we both needed to grow up a bit. This was nearly a month ago...

The thing is I do still love her and really want to see her get better, as she has those issues (not that I was ever perfect)... I do miss her, but I find myself enjoying life and being happy alone mostly, doing all the things I want to do, many that I couldn't before. Someday I'd like to see both of us be in a state where we can try again, though it's impossible to make solid plans for such things, as we both have lives to live... She's managed to move out of state and cut me out of her life completely for the moment. That's perhaps for the best, but makes me fairly anxious at times, as I still consider her among my best friends when she's at her best, and after a year of having her constantly, I now feel lonely...

Of course that was also a year of insanity basically, so I've been attempting to rediscover just what sane is. And how to live life alone again, which I've been having fun doing, but occasionally I suppose need advice on...

In the end concerning those break-up matters, what hurts me most is that I hurt her so badly, after trying so hard to be there for her... Not necessarily her absence in and of itself. I don't regret breaking up with her, but at times I just wish I didn't have to... There were so many things I did love about her, so much I miss. Well, this isn't quite a breakup thread though, as I'm pretty much over and done with my mental musings and reasonings on that in my own head. So...

...

I live in an area with a... difficult social scene, and the thing is that well, it's a bit hard to rebuild my social life in general after all this, including meeting new friends as well as relationships. I do have many good friends, but in the last couple years (when I basically had to be 100% devoted to her or risk her wrath), they all seemed to have gotten married, focused on careers etc., those ones who are "grown-ups", while at twenty-three years of age, I'm still in the single, adventurous stage. Then there's the other group to which I belong, which are currently more along my current path, but are all currently very far out of state.

...Additionally, it's been hard to find employment, in other words, I can't seem to be responsible for myself even if I try... For if I had money, I'd likely move to an area where more of my friends currently are (I've been driving five hours every other weekend to them for the sake of my sanity currently, basically), or at least one with a more active social/youth scene... But til then, I only have a few local friends and not much of a network around here.

I know what I have to do: Get myself out there, and all that... But I need advice on how to do it. So much has seemed to have changed in the years I was with her; I was in college and could use that as a social springboard, now I've graduated.

I suppose I shouldn't be ready for a real, serious relationship yet, but I keep feeling like I on occasion want one... Or at least, a rebound screw. What would genuinely benefit me though is just more friends... I just have to find out where and how, around here, those things can be found.

In this area, basically there are two coffee houses which are local hangouts... Not much of a music scene, a bar scene that's nearly non-existant. To sociallize, I need to either drive sixty miles to LA, or those 300 miles to Phoenix, to be with a number of my friends... So, does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do to facilitate being out there more?

I guess I just need reassurance. Or maybe I just should be alone for a while, and use this period to get myself together a bit, and let things come naturally... Get the money, move out etc. But then again, I DO want to get out more, rather than just sit inside all day, or wind up doing solo activities... It's just hard to tell whether I would be forcing any situations, or going about this the right and natural way or not. I suppose the conundrum is the distance between being an active person, and overreacting, going too fast...

I occasionally just get overwhelmed by how difficult it is to meet new people, really... Especially in finding those to whose company I enjoy, as I've somehow emerged from this relationship with higher standards for people than I previously had (maybe because my existing friends showed themselves to be so great in dealing with all that, and I don't want to settle for less than that)... I can at least be very thankful for them, a stable family situation, etc...

I can't be the first person who's ever been in a situation like this. So I wonder, would personal anecdotes be useful to me... Comment as you feel fit!

Thanks!