I feel he is been giving excuses to postpone sex, can you advise?

[blabla]

Me and John met over a month ago and started going on dates, until we decided to be in a relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend.

The first time I went to his home on a Sunday and we started to make out and he wanted to stop because it was a working day next day and he suggested we wait until next weekend when he have more time on our hands. I didn't want to stop something that was happening naturally and spontaneously to wait till Saturday, but respected his decision.

Well, next weekend we did go to bed and had foreplay, but then he couldn't get hard because he said he was tired. We slept together and next morning we did have foreplay but again he couldn't get hard and he said it was because he was too anxious and nervous around me because he wanted everything to be perfect. So we spent that day together doing other things and didn't try again.

Then next day in the evening he visited me at mine and I felt he was avoiding kissing me or touching me much. I told him he could stay for the night if he wanted and he said no because he would have to go to work next day and he didn't bring his work clothes with him.

My gut feeling is that he's been basically giving lots of excuses to not have sex with me. He says he really wants it, but then avoids it. He said there's nothing wrong and he is just nervous, but that it will eventually happen.

I also feel that I have been a bit passive and waiting for him to decide when to meet and sleep, etc. I am wanting to take the lead now and tell him something like: hey, bring your work clothes and stay for the night today with me. And then see how he reacts. Because I don't want to drag this situation for days and weeks on end.

What do you think, should I do that, be more assertive and empowered and taking the initiative to see what happens?

[jay2665]

I am curious about his unwillingness towards your sex. I guess, just guess , he might have physical difficulties that cant have sex with you like having a short-time erection even with enough foreplay, afraid of little ejaculation after making love or fear of whether satisfying his sex partner or not ,etc. Mostly men have these sexual problems bt not telling to their partners always due to self-embarrassment and face-preserving. As their partner, if you know he has that kind of illness, stay calm and normal, dont have a great reaction on it. Give more spaces to your partner or refer the case to professionals who have a definite therapy for him. As the actions you mentioned before, i suggest not to do it before you have a deep communication with him and clarify what he is suffering from.

[omgtotallyxo]

Calm your ovaries. You've only been dating for a month. It's normal for him to feel uncomfortable with it.

[bunnyhabit]

this inability has nothing to do with his lame excuses. if a guy can't get it up in bed with a naked girl it is physical or emotional dysfunction. he needs to visit a doctor for a physical and psychological examination to correct problems.

it's going be a long time before you have sex with this dude if ever. personally i would dump him today and find a guy that gets stiff just looking at you.

[blabla]

this inability has nothing to do with his lame excuses. if a guy can't get it up in bed with a naked girl it is physical or emotional dysfunction. he needs to visit a doctor for a physical and psychological examination to correct problems.

it's going be a long time before you have sex with this dude if ever. personally i would dump him today and find a guy that gets stiff just looking at you.

So I should just ignore the rest of our connection and what we feel for each other and dump him because he cannot get it up?

If he agrees to see a doctor and work on it, can't I just support him on that?

[bunnyhabit]

So I should just ignore the rest of our connection and what we feel for each other and dump him because he cannot get it up?

If he agrees to see a doctor and work on it, can't I just support him on that?

of course you may is your relationship and your decision. depends on how important sex is to you. i just say what i would do.

my gut feeling is he will not see doctor and give more excuses. he may already be aware of the problem.

hope you are successful and will let me know final solution you chose.

[PRW]

He could have a religious history that he hasn't mentioned as well. If he feels he is doing something wrong that could get in the way too.

There probably won't be a psychological solution there. He may just need a woman that has the same religious views.

Anyway, just thought I'd toss that possibility into the mix.

[bulrush]

Men are under enormous pressure to perform in bed and if they don't think they can do well they might not even try. And he might also be tired from work. And he might also be fapping too much, which makes him tired, and releases some sexual tension. There are many thing that can affect Mr Happy and most of them have nothing to do with you. If he says he wants to then he wants to, stop over thinking this and making a good relationship into a mess.

Talk to him to say things like he doesn't need to feel pressured to perform, that you two can just like naked in bed and if somethings happens great, if not, that's ok too. Be understanding if he can't get hard and reassure him that it's not a big deal, and you two can try again later. Helping him relax will help a lot.

You're going to have to take the lead on this as this is a difficult subject for many men. His biggest pressure could come from his own nagging voice in his head. He needs to stop that.

I also feel that I have been a bit passive and waiting for him to decide when to meet and sleep, etc. I am wanting to take the lead now and tell him something like: hey, bring your work clothes and stay for the night today with me. And then see how he reacts.

Many men like this but are pretty shocked when a woman takes the lead, because it's so extremely rare with Western women. Just because he's shocked does not mean he doesn't like you taking the lead. He's just not used to it.

[smackie09]

it's possible he has ED (erectile dysfunction) and is too embarrassed to actually go to a doctor about it.

[PRW]

There are people out there that believe sex is actually important and is not just "recreation". Some believe they want to wait till marriage or at least engagement.

You need to at least ask him if he believes this way.

[pcmaster]

it's possible he has ED (erectile dysfunction) and is too embarrassed to actually go to a doctor about it.

Doctors wont help if his ED is PIED(porn induced erectile disfunkcion). Its all in mind. Also he might be virgin since you guys seems to be quite young. Anyway he is not being honest with you and if he wants this to last he have to open up. You shouldnt be dating at home but go out and do exciting things. So that he feels comfortable with you. You was all about sex and seem to like sex and have a healthy mindset about it. However that seems not to be case about him.

[smackie09]

You are going to have to ask him what's up...the excuses are telling you there is something wrong but he doesn't want to tell you or is embarrassed about it. tell him if this relationship is going to continue you both need to be honest with each other. Communication is key, guessing will only aggravate the situation.

[Old Guy]

Sounds like ED,,,,,,crap,,, mind me asking how old y'all are?