I dont know what im looking for really, just bit of guidance, spose split up at xmas, should have moved on, ive tried, been with other people but i just still feel it inside that i love my ex and really really want him back and cos of all the complications it just kills me not ever knowing... Will give a bit of a background story to fill you guys in.

We were dating for good few months, things were going well, although he was bit cagey at first as thats what he was like, found it really hard to open up and didnt seem to understand what a relationship was etc.. But he did start to open up, he told me he loved me after a few months and was really into me, opened up to my about personal stuff which he hadnt done with anyone before and found really hard to do, with his previous long term gf he hadnt told her he loved her for about a year and said he never used to talk about personal stuff with her? So obviousley felt good about this, anyways things were going more a less good, occaisonley cos of how he was bit cold/struggling to open up etc made me question whether he was bothered etc but seemed ok and we were looking at going on hol together and he even suggested moving in in future and would call me catherine .... his last name in a kinda jokey way but still..

About the time he had mentioned about moving in and saying he couldnt stop thinking about me and missed me etc, i randomly get a text dumping me cos he races, saying his dad was making him race more so wudnt have time and wouldnt be fair on me, i argued why arent i getting the option etc and it was left at that and then after much heartache he contacted me saying he didnt want to end it he was sorry and hes just under pressure, stressed, doesnt know what to do, so i tried to help him and said look u cant just end it when ur having troubles in ur life, im here to help... He carried on doing this simalar sort of thing splitting up getting back a few times, sending me so many mixed messages like saying no dont talk then getting bothered if i thought he was on dates or saying he does love me but he needs time to be on his own with everything going on his life.. Cos of all that was going on i cared and tried to help and took that into account, basically his mum ran off few years ago, his dad doesnt work, makes him race and thats only source of income to run the house, and my ex had to pick up the pieces all the time, paying mortgage, bills, for his siblings and he was getting in debt cos of this and fearing losing house etc, so lotta pressure for a young man...

He broke my heart so many times, getting back with me then saying no it shudnt have happened need time on my own etc and 1 time i walked him to bus stop and i started to feel anxious, sense he was going funny and i got upet and said promise me this is wot u want and ur not going to do it again, he did, and then 2 mins later i get a text saying .. i dont think i can do it and then just blanking me...

had on/off selective contact, not much but i figured oh he hates me, nothing more to do, just before xmas im in bed and i get a tex saying hi u alright, so i was like didnt think u was talking to me, and he said i never wanted to fall out im sorry i do just want to be on my own etc.. so i said thats fine, me too, would rather have you as a friend than nothing. So was left at that as friends and then about a hour later he texts me again and kinda turned abit flirty.. and then he put u know i want to but it cant happen... so i thought here we go and said look i know the score, know u want to be on ur own, ws joking and if u regret talking to me in the morning its kool. To which he replied back all defensive, saying "i dont fckin regret it, ive always told u i love u, u know i have. its just i want to be on my own etc.. So i didnt tex bk for a while and he texted again to same effect, and i said look all i want is for you to be happy, but if u do feel that way why cant we just go for a drink see what happens, i dont want to rush anything etc.. so he said yes lets do that, just want to go about it bit slower, to which i said fine etc.. then we spoke on the phone till like 6am and we had a really nice chat and he told me it had always been me and if he was going to be with anyone would be me and there had been noone else and there was something between us, and was sayin he does love me.. was a really chat and we was going to go out for drinks, but i dont know when but as soon as i got off that phone.. he never would speak to me again, it wrecks me thinking what did i do, not knowing why he wont speak..

He has a new girlfriend but like i say i feel so strongly for him and even though he was very mixed up do genuinley believe he did feel something/love me, maybe it was too much for him as well? I opened him up on so many levels and there were strong feelings there, im gutted. Like i say i move on, try not to think about him, but they arent ryan...

Just wish could be on some kind of terms, be friends so might be a chance someday of a recconiliation?, he acts so hostile to me and i dont even know why?
Any opinions on his behaviour or what i can do.. know i will prob get a move on but it isnt that simple

sorry if it doesnt make much sense,was typing quick and trying to include everything