Do i control her too much?

[way_landr]

i'm 25 and my gf is 23, we've been together for 9 months, and everything was great, we even discussed about the future, til the last 2 days. she got to know a guy a few weeks ago, or rather, the guy got to know her when she was in the bank, and he started msn-ing her.

Very obviously he was interested in her, she knows that, but she still went out with him yesterday. I explicitly told her b4 that i do not want her to go out with that guy, and we had a big quarrel when she came back.

She started the "you dun trust me" stuff and asked me to stop controlling her... was i wrong to restrict her going out with that guy? or any other guys alone for that matter? I showed my displeasure when she went out with her ex-bf also...am i in the wrong?

Any girls that felt their bfs controlled them too much care to enlighten me?

[jurupa]

I would let her go out with the guy and then question her on it and made it clear thru my questioning that I think that she is cheating, and let her defend her self. Mean maybe, but she should not go out with a guy on her own that is showing interest in her. If she was going out to lunch with the guy to talk over a business deal thats something else, but it seems here that she wanted to know the guy better.

Why did she went out with her ex? Becuase I would question that as well. But I gotta say she is throwing up red flags here. As far as the controling thing, I would say that you where semi controling, but you also had reasonable reason to as well.

[way_landr]

I would let her go out with the guy and then question her on it and made it clear thru my questioning that I think that she is cheating, and let her defend her self. Mean maybe, but she should not go out with a guy on her own that is showing interest in her. If she was going out to lunch with the guy to talk over a business deal thats something else, but it seems here that she wanted to know the guy better.

Why did she went out with her ex? Becuase I would question that as well. But I gotta say she is throwing up red flags here. As far as the controling thing, I would say that you where semi controling, but you also had reasonable reason to as well.

Thanks for the reply...she said she saw no wrong in going out with that guy coz its juz a frenly outing. Thats her defence, and her tone was a "take it or leave it, my personality is like that". I cant believe it completely, but she also "guaranteed" me that she will not allow her feelings to go off track and fall for other guys... in fact, now i'm suspecting everything she tells me...which is really bad...really drains me...

Her ex and her were close, and shes the kind that will maintain very good frenships with her exs... i cannot fault that, though i am definitely not happy with it...but the greater issue here is the banker bastard who tries to come between couples.

My head tells me to let things take its natural course, if she cherish this relationship, she will not cheat.If she goes too far, i'll break off with her. Coz if i try to restrict her more now, she'll onli be more rebellious..

But my heart tells me that...i dunno, my heart is juz hurting now....i sound like a pussy huh...

[way_landr]

I think wat i should do is, i'll let her go out with whoever she thinks she wans to go with, but show my displeasure if its not appropriate... then break off if she continues doin it despite my obvious unhappiness...

But being the pussy i am, i think wat i'll do in the end is condone wat she does and suffer in silence... not that she cheats or watever, it juz dun feel good when she goes out with guys who obviously are interested in her...

[jurupa]

I think wat i should do is, i'll let her go out with whoever she thinks she wans to go with, but show my displeasure if its not appropriate... then break off if she continues doin it despite my obvious unhappiness...

But being the pussy i am, i think wat i'll do in the end is condone wat she does and suffer in silence... not that she cheats or watever, it juz dun feel good when she goes out with guys who obviously are interested in her...

I bolded a key word here, and I think you know why as well. Its one thing for your girl friend to maintain relationships with her ex's as some girls do this, but its another to just go out with a guy on her own that she met and is showing interest in her.

There are four things you can do right now, and they are:

A. Just let things be and see if she goes the full mile with this guy (aka the pussy move)
B. Explain to her that what she is doing looks like cheating in your eyes (this would be the nice guy move basically)
C. Do what she did and meet a girl at a bank and go out with her (This would be the "bad boy" move)
D. Break up with her (This can viewed in many ways)

If it was me in the suitation I would either do B, C, or D. Or do a combo with B & C. If your girl friend valued your relationship she would at least take a girl friend along with her, but she didn't.

[way_landr]

I have done B...and she dun accept shes in the wrong...wat would u do next? C?

[maquekatso]

i think C is a pretty smart move to see her reaction.

Did you have any problems in your relationship until now?
I mean why is she so interested in going out with all these other guys?
Shouldn't you be holding hands and stuff all the time?(i mean its 9 months not 2 years!)

Anyway i have the idea that she is trying to make you a bit jealous, and make you focus your attention to her......but maybe i'm wrong.

[jurupa]

I have done B...and she dun accept shes in the wrong...wat would u do next? C?

C would be next. But when you do it try as much as possible to do it like the way she is doing it, but more aloof than she is doing it. Be ready for any type of reaction from her, becuase I bet your going it get one.

[GrkScorp]

Buddy, do us all a favor and be a man.. take off the leash from your GF..

[TDurden]

you do c and more likely than not your relationship will end. you'll be doing something that view as cheating when she does it, that's not gonna strengthen your relationship, much less help it. i'd say just talk with about her about in a calm non-insuating manner. simply ask why, if she knows this guy is into her, would she tempt him by going out with him? but if she continues to assure you that she wouldn't cheat on you and isn't interested in this guy in that way, that you have to trust her. you keep on pushing things you're gonna get ****ed.

[Junket]

I wouldn't approve either.

Does this guy know she has a boyfriend?

Thing is, if you try to tighten your grip, most likely, she say something about it to this new guy friend she has, and he'll probably use that to your advantage. "Why are you with such a controlling (abusive) guy?" (hint hint, look at me I'm sensitive and understanding the anti-your-boyfriend).

It's hard to say what to do, tread very very carefully and weigh all your options.

[jurupa]

you do c and more likely than not your relationship will end. you'll be doing something that view as cheating when she does it, that's not gonna strengthen your relationship, much less help it. i'd say just talk with about her about in a calm non-insuating manner. simply ask why, if she knows this guy is into her, would she tempt him by going out with him? but if she continues to assure you that she wouldn't cheat on you and isn't interested in this guy in that way, that you have to trust her. you keep on pushing things you're gonna get ****ed.

Yes doing option C may end the relationship, but way_landr has talked to her about this and it seems to have backfired on him. He has two choices really. To end it with her or do what she is doing. What she is doing I would basically call cheating becuase she is seeing the guy on her own with no one else with her. So who knows whats going on between them. Remeber you can cheat emtionally and the girl friend may very well be doing this with this guy she met.

If the girl friend listen to way_landr, and see that looks like cheating from his view she would at least bring him along to met the guy, but instead she brings up trust issuses. One of the signs to look for when a partner is cheating is that they bring up the trust topic and blame the other person. I am not saying this a for sure thing, but it is one of the signs tho.

By way_landr doing what his girl friend is doing she will understand his view better and possibly see what she is doing to the relationship. I did say expect anything if he does this becuase anything can happen.

[Junket]

Hmm...good point jurupa.

Maybe this is her way of trying to end the relationship?

She pulls this stunt...makes him all upset, then she gets all defensive about it after manipulating him to be "controlling". Thus giving her the excuse to break it off because now all the blame will be on him and she'll leave the relationship virtually untarnished.

****ing bitch.

Let's form a mob and lynch her!

[jurupa]

Hmm...good point jurupa.

Maybe this is her way of trying to end the relationship?

She pulls this stunt...makes him all upset, then she gets all defensive about it after manipulating him to be "controlling". Thus giving her the excuse to break it off because now all the blame will be on him and she'll leave the relationship virtually untarnished.

****ing bitch.

Let's form a mob and lynch her!

No mob is needed, she just needs to be put in her place thats all. This is where you call out the girl and not give into what she wants. You see I see these type of girls all the time and most of them when they see that I do not put up with such things they go after the next guy they like to try and work their "magic".

[Junket]

C'mon, admit it, a mob would be fun though.