Would love to have a guy's opinion on this...very confused and torn up =[

[zombie08]

I am in college and I haven't had the greatest relationship experience. My first year of college I immediately broke up with my high school boyfriend of 2 years and started a long chain of being naive and settling for friends with benefits. Several guys would tell me that they liked me and wanted to date me but all they ever did was fool around with me. I am now in my second year of college and I had decided that I don't want to do that anymore, I am ready for a real relationship. Well this week I slipped up and now I'm pretty crushed.

I have a friend that I hang out with almost every single night. We will stay up literally all night with each other playing video games, watching movies, or just talking. This has been going on for at least two months now. Nothing more had happened between us, we are just friends. He is one of those guys who borderline sexually harass every girl but not usually me. Ever since him, his room mate, and my friend got drunk together (about a month ago) he has been obsessed with trying to get me to take my top off. This hasn't really affected our friendship because I know thats just how he is and it doesn't mean anything. Well last night I was drinking and we ended up messing around. I feel terrible now, especially since I only did it after he went on and on about how much he likes me and would want to date me...just like everyone else did. I told him he was acting like everyone else and that made him mad and he insisted that he actually cared about me, saying things like "why do you think I hang out with you so much" and the reason he tells me about girls he hooks up with is to make me jealous. He also has a habit of calling me ugly all the time and I brought that up and he just got this shocked look on his face and asked if I really thought that he thought I was ugly. He said he just did it because he knew it made me mad and he likes to make people mad (which he really does). He ended up telling me that he might actually want to date me but I was rushing things and I seemed like I just wanted a relationship and didn't care about anything else. He said we should just "have fun" and think about that stuff later. So we did and now I feel dumb. But, we didn't do much more than make out, to his disappointment.

Common sense is telling me this guy is like all of the other ones, he is just after one thing. That is pretty much tearing me apart because this guy is my best friend, I never thought we'd be anything more than friends to begin with, and I know that our friendship was never based on that kind of stuff so its disappointing that he would go ahead and treat me like another piece of ass. I just want to know, from a guy's opinion/experience, if it is possible for a guy like him to actually be serious about liking me. He made a few good points like why else would he hang out with me so much and telling me about girls he messes around with to make me jealous. Like I said, we hang out ALL the time, I suspect he doesn't really hang out with anymore else, at least not this much. And we are very good friends, we talk about everything. It kind of shocked me that he actually wanted to do anything like that with me. I am not as skinny and beautiful as the normal girls he goes for. And I am always hanging out with the guys, not much of a girly girl and I think thats why I don't get a lot of guys wanting to be with me.

I am really torn up about this, I hope someone out there will read this and have some advice. I just want to know if it is possible he likes me or if I'm just being naive again.

[QuanSai]

I am in college and I haven't had the greatest relationship experience. My first year of college I immediately broke up with my high school boyfriend of 2 years and started a long chain of being naive and settling for friends with benefits. Several guys would tell me that they liked me and wanted to date me but all they ever did was fool around with me. I am now in my second year of college and I had decided that I don't want to do that anymore, I am ready for a real relationship. Well this week I slipped up and now I'm pretty crushed.

I have a friend that I hang out with almost every single night. We will stay up literally all night with each other playing video games, watching movies, or just talking. This has been going on for at least two months now. Nothing more had happened between us, we are just friends. He is one of those guys who borderline sexually harass every girl but not usually me. Ever since him, his room mate, and my friend got drunk together (about a month ago) he has been obsessed with trying to get me to take my top off. This hasn't really affected our friendship because I know thats just how he is and it doesn't mean anything. Well last night I was drinking and we ended up messing around. I feel terrible now, especially since I only did it after he went on and on about how much he likes me and would want to date me...just like everyone else did. I told him he was acting like everyone else and that made him mad and he insisted that he actually cared about me, saying things like "why do you think I hang out with you so much" and the reason he tells me about girls he hooks up with is to make me jealous. He also has a habit of calling me ugly all the time and I brought that up and he just got this shocked look on his face and asked if I really thought that he thought I was ugly. He said he just did it because he knew it made me mad and he likes to make people mad (which he really does). He ended up telling me that he might actually want to date me but I was rushing things and I seemed like I just wanted a relationship and didn't care about anything else. He said we should just "have fun" and think about that stuff later. So we did and now I feel dumb. But, we didn't do much more than make out, to his disappointment.

Common sense is telling me this guy is like all of the other ones, he is just after one thing. That is pretty much tearing me apart because this guy is my best friend, I never thought we'd be anything more than friends to begin with, and I know that our friendship was never based on that kind of stuff so its disappointing that he would go ahead and treat me like another piece of ass. I just want to know, from a guy's opinion/experience, if it is possible for a guy like him to actually be serious about liking me. He made a few good points like why else would he hang out with me so much and telling me about girls he messes around with to make me jealous. Like I said, we hang out ALL the time, I suspect he doesn't really hang out with anymore else, at least not this much. And we are very good friends, we talk about everything. It kind of shocked me that he actually wanted to do anything like that with me. I am not as skinny and beautiful as the normal girls he goes for. And I am always hanging out with the guys, not much of a girly girl and I think thats why I don't get a lot of guys wanting to be with me.

I am really torn up about this, I hope someone out there will read this and have some advice. I just want to know if it is possible he likes me or if I'm just being naive again.

It sounds like he likes you genuinely. When I just want to see a girl's breast, I don't hesitate with her because I don't want anything more with her. It would be pointless.

And it's not a wise idea to imply that all men are dirty on a male-abundant forum. Saying "Common sense is telling me this guy is like all of the other ones, he is just after one thing" is insulting. There are lots of us, like myself who aren't after one thing. I think this is a horrible, chauvinistic view. What is even more horrible is the fact that so many women think this is a proper, rational view.

Anyway, I say you get to know this guy on different terms from the ones you currently have with him. You already know what he's like while hanging out with you as a friend. Try to get to know his passionate, emotional side a bit. Don't be overbearing with it, but flirt a bit. See how he responds to minor flirtation. Don't promise anything, and keep your dignity, and you should be fine.

I hope that helps.

[zombie08]

I didn't mean to sound like I meant all men, I meant all the ones I had been with last year, sorry =/

Thank you for the advice, I will definitely try that. I hope you are right. He is really confusing me...

[curves222]

Excuse me for butting in on what is supposed to be a "male answering" forum when I'm a girl , but I think it is really important for you to stick to your original plan. I'm not saying he doesn't sincerely like you or that you shouldn't pursue something with him, but take the physical things slow. I say that for three, big reasons. You seem a little vulnerable based on your history and I don't want things to not work out for you and then you beat yourself up over it. Been there, done that! Plus, I am bothered by his history of being a bit of a player and, although he said how much he liked you...he also seemed to really shy away from the idea of a relationship. What is that about!?!

[wizduels]

look you girls get fed this hollywood stuff that there are men that are interested in you and not just for the the sex. reality is that sexual interest will ALWAYS be a major part of man's interest in a woman. the main attractors for a man are the things he sees. character traits are secondary. that doesn't mean that men are dogs. a man's character is what makes him commit to a steady relationship, but the sexual interest will always be a major part of his attraction to a woman. its just the way men are wired.

get to know the guys first for a while and before the time is right to have sex, start talking about relationship stuff. what does he look for in a relationship? how does he feel about fidelity? think of a dozen other questions you would want him to answer about himself when it comes to relationships. at this point the dogs will run for the hills, the decent man with character will stick around. and then you will know that he wants you for your heart and mind as well as your body.