My mom says i could do better, should i stay?

[cidey831]

My mom asked me an important question last night. she says to me, "Cida, does he have any goals in life like you do?" i couldnt answer her cause i knew she was right. then she says, "He is about to be 21 and he is stuck in a dead end job still living with his mother." But deep down inside my outlook on things was that YES he is 20yrs old and he has his whole life ahead of him. Then she says, "well your in college and you know your going to be the BREAD WINNER." Honestly i dont care who makes the most money. it should only be about love right?

Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bluesummer]

That's a nice way to think when you're young. However, if you stay together, and you get older and are working your ass off and paying all the bills, you will start to resent him.

I'm not saying be materialistic and judge everyone by their occupation or paycheque. But your relationship won't work well long term if you don't have a similar work ethic.

[lilly1185]

Define dead-end job?
Maybe he's working to help his mum out, and saving a bit here and there to GO to college. Have you spoken to him about what his dreams and goals are? You're a big vague here. Maybe he needs a gentle eye-opening.

My nearest and dearest friend and her fiance are in a strange situation; he was the bread winner making decent money working for the local cable company as a retention specialist. When she finished school and found a job in her field, he left his job and began working on getting into school.

They're getting married next year. They've also been together for almost 10 years.

[Gigabitch]

No, it's not all supposed to be about love. Love don't pay the rent, babe. It should be about an agreement between your heart and your head that this guy is for you. Your heart's on board, but your head knows this isn't going anywhere.

[Sanctuary]

Your outlook is that he has his whole life ahead of him; what exactly is ahead of him?

Is he actually stuck in a dead end job or like Lilly said, does he plan to do something in the future?

Be concrete about his plans and goals and leave the wishful thinking at the door.

[400ex]

First off, not everyone moves out of there mothers house at 21 years old. I am 21 and I am still living with my mom and I actually dont plan on leaving till I am done with school (another 2 years) and have a career going(add another year)

You have to make sure though that your bf is working towards a plan though, some people are late bloomers with these plans and are fine working 8-10 dollars an hour job fulltime for healthcare and living paycheck to paycheck until reality hits them in the face they cant do this when they have a family which will be soon for this guy.

[lilly1185]

I will say, mom's have a creepy tendency to be right, too.
Life experience plays a big roll in this. My mom has pointed at some of my exs, said things like "loser", "useless", and pretty much predicted the outcomes of some strange things. (eg; my son's father and I broke it off a few months ago. I was jobless while he sent 100$ a month to meagerly pay for our son's care. When I *GOT* a job, I didn't tell him and didn't plan to. Mom said "If he finds out, he'll be wanting to get back together and be really nice and sweet. Then he'll want to plan a trip up to visit (son), and take off with him so YOU have to give him money while he doesn't work."
Somehow, he found out I had a job. And is trying to "fix" himself because we had a lot of problems in our relationship, starting with him being a selfish ass. He called a few days ago wanting to know if it was "okay if he came up to visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas to see (son)" with his dad. I told him "no". Prior, he'd had little to 0 interest in our little boy.)

Don't discount your mom entirely, but sit and have a frank talk with your boyfriend. Find out what his goals and plans are, and move from there.
You certainly don't want to be stuck with someone who is unmotivated or unwilling to explore advancing themselves educationally, but you also don't want to throw darts at a board and assume you know everything he's thinking/doing/planning.
So the important thing to do here would be talking to him.

[QuanSai]

My mom asked me an important question last night. she says to me, "Cida, does he have any goals in life like you do?" i couldnt answer her cause i knew she was right. then she says, "He is about to be 21 and he is stuck in a dead end job still living with his mother." But deep down inside my outlook on things was that YES he is 20yrs old and he has his whole life ahead of him. Then she says, "well your in college and you know your going to be the BREAD WINNER." Honestly i dont care who makes the most money. it should only be about love right?

Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave him or tell him to stop ****ing up. He's still young. He can go to college.

[kuaisudi]

I believe that you can do well, bless you

[IndiReloaded]

Parents want what is best for you. Its hard to admit at the time, but in my experience, parents are almost always right when they say someone isn't right for you. They know you well and can often see things about yourself you cant.

If you know your parents are good people, I would listen carefully to what they advise.

[kuaisudi]

I think you should believe that your mother's view, you can do it better, refueling