To recap .. I was with my girlfriend for about 6 months. The break was’nt pleasant. When she found out that there were some e-mails from exes she had a fit.
Anyways she called me and we met a few times after that. We got close but not tooo close - she was’nt into being a friend with benefits. She wants an exclusive boyfriend / girlfriend relationship like it was before, or nothing.
Since the breakup its been its been pretty hard, and I have been seeing a councellor to help me understand amongst other things, why at my age I still can't committ Its been really helpful. Anyways we were both wondering what to do and we decided to hang out as friends and take it slow while I went to councelling. Well that changed on Friday…
After seeing each other on Thursday night she called on Friday night and wanted to see me again – saying that we had made dinner plans (but we really didn’t). She asked if I had a date . I said no - I was just tired. She still wanted to get together and I repeated that I was just tired (it was around 10:30pm).
She insisted and I said “I’m in my PJ’s and I’m just going to stay home - can we drop the subject? You want me to be everywhere whenever you want.” I realize now that the choice of words could have been better. But it started to bug me. She said “You’re in a bad mood. You know what, I’m not going to wait for you – I don’t even want to be friends.” So I said “Fine. Bye”. And that was it.
I just wonder .. and this is part of what I’m talking about with the councellor.. I’m 31 and I know I should be ready to settle down, but I still want times just on my own. Its so great being with someone, but I wonder whether the space that I crave is something more than just time at the gym for a workout or to the pool for a swim.
Still..I miss her alot and being alone on this Journey sucks right now.