Moral Support Needed

[lahnnabell]

Okay, so now that my boyfriend is immersed in Mexico I had to leave his parent's place. This is understandable as they can't be putting me up forever. I know they've put up people before and had their hospitality abused, so I understand their reservations about letting someone stay for too long.

I came back to my old house to stay with my old roommates for a bit, but I cannot stay long. The landlord lives next door and so I would inevitably run into him at some point and get them into trouble. This I do not want. I talked about it with my old roomie/good friend last night. She feels bad about turning me away, but I understand.

One of my friends is cool with putting me up at his studio near downtown SD. He said he wouldn't mind the company and that he's got a personal policy about taking in friends in need. I am so grateful.

I'm just going through a rough moment. I need some kind words. Some inspiration. Something. My boyfriend is one of my rocks, but he'd been planning this immersion trip way before I met him. He needs time to focus on this. Contact is limited anyway due to his limited internet access, but we've had success Skyping so far. I'm just anxious about how much more difficult it will be to find time when I finally get another job. I'll be working a lot of 12-16 hour days most likely.

Thanks, guys.

[Gigabitch]

It's actually a good thing that he's gone right now. It's an opportunity for you to make sure you're on-balance and taking care of yourself. You can do this.

There's got to be someplace for you to live, maybe some kind of housing trade, where you cook dinner for some old lady every day in exchange for living in her guest house. The right situation is out there- you can find it.

[lahnnabell]

Yeah, I've been keeping my eye out for things. ALL things. Rooms can go for as cheap as 300-400/month, which I can manage once I get some funds saved. Right now it's about working and saving money.

You are right though. His being gone gives me ample time to focus on me and getting my shit in order. He's been very understanding and supportive so far. My mother is a great source of emotional support, but my confiding in her about this will only result in her nagging me to return home. Despite how she feels, this is not the best option.

I haven't seen any housing trades yet. Most people seem to just prefer cash-in hand as it is easier to manage. Cooking for some old lady would be okay, but with my current fluctuating part-time work schedule it wouldn't work. Although the friend I'm staying with doesn't drive right now, and so I'm totally down to play chauffeur for him. So far that works, and he's a cool person.

Most of my other friends seem to be uncomfortable when talking about my situation (as they've never been there before) and would rather keep it at arm's length.

[Perryville]

The friend's studio sounds pretty good to me, LB. Would your BF have a problem with you staying with another man?

[Gigabitch]

My husband went on a 7-month road trip once and was flat broke when he got back. I think he ended up living on someone's boat for a while, kind of like a caretaker.

[lahnnabell]

Even if he does have a problem with it, my boyfriend really doesn't have much say in this matter. I'm at the point where I need to do what is right for me. If he doesn't trust that I can be in the presence of another man and remain faithful, then the relationship was doomed anyway.

I've had male roommates before. He knows this. I've long since grown past the days where I seek out male companionship for something other than friendship. This is nothing more than me trying to survive and being grateful for a friend that is not shying away from my situation. Several of my other friends are not comfortable extending help. While I understand their hesitation, I wish they would be a little less awkward about it.

[Heratriumphant]

No fun!
I've been there.

I went back to school (didn't have a degree yet) and made use of financial aid and student loans. I'm not sure how old you are or if you gradutated from college but it may be an option?

Goodluck!

[lahnnabell]

I was just contemplating that today. I'm gonna head back to school to study to be a vet tech. They have Stafford loan options and stuff. I'm pretty psyched about going back to school Got my tour in the morning!

[Lite]

First of all, accept that your mother nags you because she cares. If she didn't care, she wouldn't nag. Secondly, you need to learn to say, I appreciate the offer but I really want to take care of this myself and use your mother's offer or whatever as your absolute last-resort fallback plan.

There's nothing wrong with learning to stand on your own two feet. It's just not wise to attempt to learn this in the middle of a financial hurricane.

[lahnnabell]

Lite - You sound as though you are reprimanding me. The last thing I would ever do is chastise my mother for caring about me. After 25 years of hearing the same worries, I've figured out how to deal with her overly anxious nature. And you're right, I should tell her that I am appreciative and I do. But I do reserve the right to vent some frustration in a place that provides some measure of solace.

I get that this is a difficult time; I've been dealing with it since June last year. I am 3,000 miles from my home, closest friends, and family. I really don't have much of a choice but to attempt to stand on my own two feet at the moment. Driving across the country is not in my best interest at this time.

[lahnnabell]

No fun!
I've been there.

I went back to school (didn't have a degree yet) and made use of financial aid and student loans. I'm not sure how old you are or if you gradutated from college but it may be an option?

Goodluck!

The sort of sad part is that I DO have a degree. I have my B.A. in English, a minor in Business, extensive Spanish studies, and 4 internships. Not to mention about 10 years of work experience.

[shheadz]

That must feel uncomfortable not being 100% positive where you're going to be staying week to week. Of course those kinds of things are a growing experience, right?

It sounds like you'd be better off with less time on you hands, and more money in your pocket. I know you've said employment is rough in Cali right now, but have you tried picking up a part time thing at a McD's, or as a waitress? Something along those lines?

[Petit Papillon]

The sort of sad part is that I DO have a degree. I have my B.A. in English, a minor in Business, extensive Spanish studies, and 4 internships. Not to mention about 10 years of work experience.

OMG how old are you?

[lahnnabell]

I'm 25.

Yes, shheadz. I've tried everything. San Diego is one of the worst parts of Cali to be in right now.

[Primo]

It sounds like if he's been planning this venture for awhile, you procrastinated on taking care of yourself. Your gameplan should've been made long ago, and now you're forced to knock on friends doors for shelter.

You need to get in high gear and set 'your' life up. When he comes back, what? You're going to move back into his parents house again? Not a good plan. What if he decides to end the relationship? What if he meets someone else down there? You need to get motivated and get your life in order.