I just don't find my girlfriend attractive...

[David12]

I know she can improve on her look if she really wanted too..


I liked her for her personality, but now I come to realize that "Sexual attraction" is important as well. Me and her have been talking for 6 Months and recently got into a relationship.

She really loves me alot and I can't just break it up with her, I care for her too much. I just know she can improve on her looks somehow. But all I have been telling her is that she looked fine the way she was. She recently told me she was going to change her style but, Im not sure what she is going for.

She is 18 and just got out of high school and now attending college. She only takes English however. She said she has to get a Job and make money to buy make up and stuff like that.

I do want to have the balls to tell her but, That is just not me. I CANNOT tell a person to change something about them. I don't have authority over that and I don't want too. They are who they are.

So what im saying is, instead of breaking up with her because I don't find her attractive, how can I give her a hint or tell her nicely to improve on her looks. Because it doesn't seem she takes care of herself that well and told me she doesn't care about her looks.

I need to give her a message saying that looks DO matter. What can I do?

[misombra]

what do you look like?

[VashTN]

Break up with her, she sounds like bad news. "She wants to major in English so she can make money to buy make-up?" Talk about career goals! If you really love her, and you can see this going somewhere, you have to do two things that are for her own good and out of love.

First, you have to tell her to rethink her career goals and motives. If she really doesn't have good motives for her career goals, then there is no way she will do anything productive in life after college, with an English-filled transcript in her hands.

Second, tell her to try out a couple of styles for fun. Be there with her as she expiraments with new styles and tell her which ones you like, and which ones you don't ("it's ok, but it's really not you, I can't see you in it, It hides your personality"). What you really want to say is that "you look like a dike wearing that", but what I said sounds much better. Finally, settle on what you think looks hot on her, and be realistic. She will have to stick with this style for quite a while. If you like it or love it, make it show! Beg if you have to but let her know just how hot she looks in the style you like.

Selfish? Not at all. She is changing her style for the better. So she can look and feel better. All you are doing is helping her get there because we have seen how far she has been able to get so far on her own. Be honest, and pick out something she looks the best in. At first she will shy away from it, but months from then, she will thank you for your help, and feel 10x better about herself.

[jurupa]

Break up with her, she sounds like bad news. "She wants to major in English so she can make money to buy make-up?" Talk about career goals!

Uh? The way I read it, the girl friend wants to get a part time job so that she has the money to but the makeup and she is majoring in English. Correct me if I am wrong.



David12 - Since you can't tell her out right (which is most probably not a good thing to do), its best to use the trick girls use on guys which is to bring it up when the two of you are talking and just hint it to you. Try doing this with your girl friend and do your best to deliver the message.

[thinker]

Wow... leave the forum for a few days and all hell breaks loose with stupid advice...

You are absolutely right in that you cannot and should not try to change someone. You said this, yet you don't really mean or understand it...

"I don't want to change her, but I just want to change her" is what I'm getting...

Do not dump her because she is taking english classes... I can't believe that was even suggested...

Sounds like you are the one who needs an inner makeover (was that cute or what?) Again, you say you like(d) her for her personality and all, but I don't think you honestly mean that. Personally, I am disgusted by people who base any feelings past affection and initial attraction on physical looks... what if you got in a car accident and messed up your face? Would it be fair then for her to dump you on the premise that you no longer give her what she needs? That is not love, and if you truly feel that way, maybe you need to do a bit of maturing before you can asses something like this.

As for your "dilemma", it is YOU that you need to "fix"... you are unfairly dumping whatever problems on her, which is not cool at all. Stop being selfish and shallow and love the one you're with.




(And don't flame me for giving an honest opinion)

[vashti]

Is this the girl who's photo you posted? Because, yes, she DOES need a makeover.

The way to do all this is to first wait for her to complain about needing to improve, then offer up one or two compliments, and then gently make a suggestion.

"Your hair is so soft and nice to touch! I bet it would look great with bangs like Lyndsay Lohan's."

"Your lips are beautiful - most girls wish they could have such full, pouty lips. Why don't you try adding a little color and see how it looks?"Offer to go with her to try some on, and stick with tinted lipglosses and tinted chapsticks for now.

Tell her you don't know much about makeup, but your mom and her friends say they wouldn't be caught dead without some mascara and concealer. Suggest she have one of her friends who wear makeup put some on her.

[sarahmay]

I don't understand the idea of dating someone you are not attracted to. Admittedly, looks alone don't make a relationship - but I just don't see how you guys started dating... moving along.

One option could be to get one of her female friends to give her a "make over" of sorts - and then compliment her non stop about it. Or tell her you are thinking about redoing your looks - and make a project out of it. You mentioned she is trying to "change her style" - if you go along with her you can shape it. Or take her shopping with another girlfriend. you would be amazed how much clothing that actually fit can making someone more attractive. And if you are paying...

Then again - you could dump her.

[misombra]

i say leave her alone so she can find someone less shallow.

[King Zarathu]

i say leave her alone so she can find someone less shallow.

Asshole. Sexual and physical attraction is required, it doesn't make somebody shallow. Anybody who disagrees is wrong.

[Outwitted]

You shouldn't force people to change in exchange for your love. She wants to buy makeup, so that mean she heard you and she is in the process of making change? You have to give her time to change and be comfortable with that change. It's not a movie can't rush thing. But sometimes you do have to remind her if she becomes lax.

[jurupa]

i say leave her alone so she can find someone less shallow.

How is he being shallow? He wants his girl friend to be physically attractive agian. He stills loves the inside of her.

[King Zarathu]

LO!L!LO!LO!LO! I GIV BTR ADVICE THEN KICHI!!!!!!11

Just kidding, dear. Love you.

[misombra]

How is he being shallow? He wants his girl friend to be physically attractive agian. He stills loves the inside of her.

if he loves the inside of her then he should be able to see past the outside. otherwise if he wasn't physically attracted to her he should not have continued dating her in the first place.

how would you like it if your girlfriend didn't find you physically attractive? personally i'd feel like shit if my bf felt that way and went online to figure out what to do about it. and if he came and told me something like, "you should try wearing makeup" because if i didn't he probably wouldn't want to have sex with me i would probably want to cry.

frankly i think this guy is impressionable and watches too much tv or reads too many magazines where the girls are really beautiful and he expects all girls to look that way. why else would he have posted pics of her and asked us to rate her. do you really think if he truly cared about her he would care what any of us have to say about her physical appearance? i doubt it.

so i stand by my statement, flame at will.

[misombra]

misombra gives the best advice. and she's always right.

thank you baby.

[King Zarathu]

Misombra, you bring up very good points. However, you must remember that men feel differently about physical appearance and attraction than women do.

That being said,

thank you baby.

::slaps misombra's ass::