I dont want us to break up but I dont think we should live together for now....

[enjungrl]

So my boyfriend and I are both 28. we have lived together for 4 years. I never wanted us to move into together but circumstances lead us to "helping each other out". We were always at each others places and figured that we'd save on living expenses by move in together. So we have been going 50-50 on everything for quite sometime now.

Of course I would not be investing so much of my time and money into this relastionship if I didnt feel like someday we would be married. Last year we had the "where are we going with this?" talk and he agreed that he too want to marry me someday when we are ready.

Now, a year later we are still not ready. I am NOT rushing things and I am NOT looking for a proposal but I now feel like we should no longer live together until we are ready to get married. It really more of a security issue for me.

I recently moved out. I only live 6 miles away. I'm roomating with my a family member in attempt to help her get her house together. I figure the time apart will force my boyfriend and I to get ourselves together.

Of course he is not happy. He claims we built somwething together and that I am abandoning our relathionship. I honestly am not trying to run out on him. I dont want to be with anyone else. And I dont want to force him into proposing.

Am I wrong? I just want us to grow and be better for each other so someday we can be happily married. He needs to focus on finishing his degree and I need to hurry up and get myself excepted into a professional school. I just thought the time apart would help us focus. And that we would appriciate our time together. Lately we hardly spend quality time together. We were beginging to act like an old married couple.

Please tell me if i'm blowing it? My thoughts are if we both really want it, then we will make it work regaurdless of where we sleep at night.

btw...the majority of my belongings are still at his place. I just have the things I need to get me through the work week

now the thinks I've lost it! bc I am also about to put my 2 weeks notice in at work. but as I said before I'm trying to get into professional school. i applied last summer and was denied admission. so this year i have to do things differently. i need to retake the admissions exam and tried to negociate time off of work but my job willl not negociate. so i now my best option is to leave current job and work as a temp. until i get the score i need to get into a professional program.

this make perfect sense to me bc as I said before. im just trying to get my shit together

he should be understanding right? well he isnt. am i blowing it?

[MerryH]

I don't really believe in taking "breaks." I think that's just a way of easing into a break up. It's like one person can't muster up the courage to just flat out end it, so they initiate a break so they don't have to either give the other a dignified breakup or actually work on their relationship problems. Or maybe they're in a bit of denial and convince themselves that they do want to be with this person, just not at the moment. If they really did want to stay with that person, they would have. It's not really fair to prolong it.

On the other hand, if you're still fully "in a relationship" and still seeing each other and acting as boyfriend/girlfriend, just not living together, then I guess that's...not so bad? He could probably be more understanding about it. But I don't blame him for being confused.

[Kaius]

I never understood why people live together but are not ready to get married. I mean, you are already doing married people stuff. Why not just get the darn license? Whats the big deal? As if living together and being married were so different. In terms of money, being married means paying 50/50 any way, so unless you each want to hoard your own money and have no trust in each other, why make such a big deal abiut this marriage thing. It's only a piece of paper. If you bf isnt man enough to handle a piece of paper, how do you expect him to be good to you in the future?

[enjungrl]

kaius,

it's not about money. i agree with your stance on living together. but where should we go from here? are you saying i should stay out until we are married? if so, i also agree. but what do i say if he is giving me the ultimatum "come back or we are done" ?