confused about her actions after a breakup

[DannyH]

I'm 28 and she is the same we were in a relationship for about 6 years and have no clue what to do. I ended up losing my job that I had due to the wonders of this wonderful economy. Everybody that worked in the same area as I did got replaced by temps but thats another story. So I ended up grabbing seasonal work. Winter came around then things got stale for a bit since money was tight which doesn't help since she really always gets depressed during the winter because of her mother dying on thankgiving along with all the holidays, her mother's birthday is also during that timeframe. She ended up telling me she wasn't happy and that I should leave. As hard as it was I did. We shared a car so I ended up buying a bus ticket then leaving the next morning. I let her keep pretty much everything packed up my clothes and a few personal things and bounced. I left the state. I was hurt at first so I went out partied, hooked up, everything you shouldn't do I pretty much did and we stopped talking for a bit after I left. After a month I stop and realize I'm gonna use this time to get back on my feet, save up move back down to my friends. I realized I may not need her in my life and even though we broke up I want her in my life.
Now we have some mutual friends so I heard through the grapevine that she's pretty much doing the same thing and talking to her friends and family about missing me, loving me, the whole nine yards. On facebook she adds a close friend of mine then makes her profile public which of course curiousity gets the best of me then I look. It makes everything I did look like I was a nun. So I wrote to her and told her off like an idiot. We end up fighting and what not then she spills what her friends and added that she is broken, lost, doesn't know what to do. Then goes out gets hammered, drunk calls me about the same stuff, then goes out and does somebody else. Next day she apologizes and we talk.
Now before she starting talking to me I really didn't care what she did well I did care just didn't let it get to me because we broke up, but after her saying those things then going out then doing it just seems pretty much kill me. Now her friends are worried about my ex when she parties. Before we got together and while we were together she really never partied.
I honestly don't know what to do. When we were together it was great just this one slip and everything falls apart. It honestly seems like she is just hurt and doesn't know how to handle it. I just need a tad bit of insight. I mean I don't feel that behavior is bad or wrong when your doing it to do it, hey I like to party as well it's more of the reasons she says she does it that get to me.
I'm still gonna work on myself uphere for a bit before I even deciding to go back.

[senokotmax]

It sounds like you both need time apart. Time to get to know yourselves as individuals again. If you really want her back, tell her so and see how she responds. Make sure that she knows how you feel and what it is that you want. If it's a yes, then you have what you want. If it's a no, move on, forget about her and cut all ties.

If you think you don't want her, then you know what you have to do!

The most important thing is figuring out in your own time what you want, and letting her do the same thing. If it's meant to work out, one of you will make the first move to sorting it out and the other will respond.

My advice would be cut all contact for a bit. Get to know yourself again as an individual. Maybe three months. Set a date in your mind for the end of that period, it's up to you when it will be. Think about that date and only that date, not her or the relationship (it's hard but it's worth trying). In that time focus on other things. You, your interests. Once that date finally arrives, decide what you want to do and take it from there. The most important thing seems to be no contact for that time though.