Okay, this is a bit different from a doomed internet relationship

[hazey]

Hello,

So here's another one of those internet relationships however I got so far as to get engaged, and get half way through my immigration papers. Let's start from the beginning though, because I'd love to know if there is any way for me to comfort my fiance and ask him to wait just a tad longer for the greater good so to speak.

2 years ago myself and my fiance began dating. 1 year ago we got engaged. March of 2010 we decided to get our immigration papers started. I myself am from Canada, he is from the United States. Att he time of filing our papers my fiance was the only one with a full time job. However shortly after filing I too found myself with a job of my own.

As our papers are getting closer to being finished, myself, and my fiance are realizing that I just simply cannot move down there. I've always been very close to my family whereas he finds himself quite distant from his family even though they live under the same roof. So last night, we talked about my fears of moving down and he told me that he simply would not allow me to move down there. That he cannot and will not be responsible for taking me away from my home town and my family.

Right now I am torn in two, because my fiance IS my family, but of course so are my parents and sister as well. It is like half of my heart is torn between my home and my fiance. (There is about 7.5 hours between us right now)

Last night I had proposed that we get him to immigrate to Canada. He seems okay with the idea except for having to wait longer. He told me he cannot wait any longer. That being alone down there is tearing him up. That he'd rather lose me now than have me move down, be depressed, then lose me later. But yet he cannot fathom waiting any longer to immigrate up to Canada.

What should I say to ensure him that if he can wait, that we'll be okay? I know we would. But we have to take the big step and start the visa process quickly. Which also would require us to get married before we start filing for this visa. I hear that they do not hand out conjugal partner visas unless there is a CLEAR reason that you did not live together for at least 1 year and that you did not get married. When I say clear reasons I mean the government literally would not allow us to. Finances I doubt would qualify as a reason for this.

I'm at a writers block. All I know is that I need to let him know that we can be okay. Any advice on how I can do that, please let me know.

[Atokad]

This seems to be very complicated for you.

I don't see why your fiance would get depressed by having to wait a bit longer to marry you. There shouldn't be any rush in here...I really can't understand your fiance's possition toward this situation. If he doesn't want to take you away from your family...why is he so desperate to be with you? Love can wait.

But Also...Forgive me to tell you this but I think your are WAY too atached to your family...I can understand you love them and everything but there comes a time were you have to leave the nest and fly on your own to live your life. The fact that there is so much distance between you and them doesn't mean you can't keep in contact to each other...by phone, by Skype...there are many wonderful ways to do this thanks to the technology so don't worry about leaving your family behind. You won't lose them...you're just entering a new phase in your life where you will form your own family and I am sure your family would understand this

Regardless of what you decide to do. Ensure him that he is not alone...he has you, talk to him, support him so he won't feel alone and think about it yourself...if you already have 1 process almost done, you have to be stong yourself and take the big step into leaving the Nest.

Good Luck

[Gigabitch]

Please clarify what you mean by "internet relationship". Is there NO physical relationship? Are you long-distance and you see each other sometimes, or is this whole thing just happening over the internet?

[hazey]

We see each other occasionally. Admittedly this is the longest we've gone without seing each other ( going on 5 months). So it's not completely internet. Just long distance. We're both able to drive and visit each other but our jobs interfere with that significantly.

Today I did some research to reverse our immigration . He's agreed to come up here granted we start the ball rolling now. It took us a very long time to get our papers put together the first time around. So, I suppose the crisis is averted as far as I know. We'll see. I think we may have both been under a lot of emotion and stress over the past few days as we came to realize how truly attached to my family I really am. And you're right, it's probably unhealthy to be as attached as I am. But the way I see it is that there are probably worse quirks to have in life.

I took your advice and told him that he is not alone. That I'm here for him on a variety of different levels. And that if we can get over this last mountain that we can finally be together. Turns out that immigrating to Canada is far easier and less time consuming than immigrating to the US.

Thank you for your advice, and both constructive criticism on my own problems. I will be taking both into account in life.

[girl68]

One thing struck me, you say "I HEARD" you better not "hear" anything anymore and go figure out the real rules of this process.