Doomed

[sookie6]

I have to post this rant somewhere.

After a damaging break up years ago...I have been back on the dating scene, dated 4 guys last year then got busy with an exam for which I came out fourth when there was only 3 positions available beginning of this year.

I have been put first on a hypothetical waiting list that will expire in a year...

Since then I have been temping in a company with only female workers...except for the big boss who seems like a nice guy and ticks all the boxes for me...

Since the beginning he seems to like me a lot and instead of enjoying the attention and be happy....this has sent me to despair...

Why? Because I seem to only see the downside of the situation...yes of course he is my boss and therefore out of the equation...

But it's not really MY issue here...issue is it's the second time over a period of 3 years that I really find someone attractive and the effect on me is that of a panic attack or nearly...I have got this big knot in my stomach and no it's no butterflies...but the conviction that all is doomed and that men are trouble and that it will all end up in tears...

If I had some money I would certainly go through therapy...I am really sad...I'm leaving this place end of the week and I perfectly know that this guy has no idea I even like him...

I'm in despair as I'm convinced that in life you only attract good things when you're happy and positive...this has not been my case for a long time....

Has any of you had this issue and did you overcome it?

[cmacattack1]

I guess I can't be much help because I don't have any first or even third person experience for this kind of anxiety and panic.

I wish it could be as simple as just having a certain mental focus and then doing your best to believe it. I would love to say that while we have all been through damaging break ups, but we have to get back on our feet to keep trying, to completely write off the other sex and want to curl up in a hole would not be a proper way to find somebody and all you have to do is keep looking and you will find Mr. Right. Etc. etc.

I know you can't help how you feel or you react so it's a tricky situation.

We all make mistakes but our failed relationships should make us stronger people and not weaker. It should be a learning experience so that you can make better decisions on which guys are right for you and which ones are not. You aren't a helpless person, and possibly your damaging relationship has made you feel that way or like a victim possibly? You can just as well stand your own, trust your gut instincts on things, and if you aren't happy get the hell out. Don't put yourself in a mindset where you are going to self destruct something before it happens, it's left me pretty inept.

You are only temping, you are gone at the end of the week and he is no longer your boss. Unless you are moving far away, I think this is a great opportunity. Before the end of the week, find a way to keep contact with him afterwards (email, phone number, etc.). That should be a pretty blatant way to let him know you are interested and you will know if he is based on reciprocation.

Take the time to get to know him, take it slow, get a feel for him. A good guy won't expect too much right away and have lots of stuff on his own plate to occupy his time. And he will understand you may need some time to open up and won't pressure you. You don't have anything to lose do you?

[Cloud206]

Inhale,exhale...take it easy..tell yourself this ain't a big thing.

[daydreamin420]

I do know what it's like to deal with panic/anxiety issues. The only thing that helps me is just to distract myself somehow, stop thinking about it, just DO anything, sing a song, call someone, blast the radio in your ears. Do something that gets your mind off it or you will just continue to stress and feel that way. I know its hard but if you really submerge yourself in an activity or task, you can forget about it (at least for a while). I hope this helps!

[Kaius]

I have had the biggest problems with insecurity and sadness. I was in a 12-year marriage that was so unhappy, it turned me into a frozen soul.
I literally thought I was destined to never be happy again. I met a woman who loved me, but subconsciously i kept pushing her away....until I finally
realized that she was my real chance to be happy. It was this awakening that forced me to get help, so I could be the man she deserves.

Don't feel like you don't deserve to be happy. Past experiences do not represent the future outcome. We are people with choices, and we must understand
that we have a right to love and be happy. Don't despair. Let life take its course.