Having a hard time doing this whole open relationship thing

[cmiles1989]

hi ill start out saying i am 19 and have been dating this girl for almost 6 years(started dating when i was 14 she was 16. She is currently 21 almost 22 We took a year off and did not speak after having a hard time with our long distance relationship

we got back togeather at the beginning of the summer. thats the basic back round. we are very very very close when we are togeather we are the kinda couple that are so tight knit we finish each others sentences and basically always know what the other is thinking. We cannot lie to each other because we know when the other is lying you know the whole 9 yards

oh might as well add this, She is in montana currently going to school and i am in chicago going to school. i am going to be visiting her very soon within 2 weeks. We have a very good sex life when we are togeather... maybe just because we are young but if we are alone we will do it 3+ times


BUT anyway i am having a very hard time with this whole Open relationship, i am are very shy person, sure once u get to know me i wont shut up, but when im around people im rather quite and i guess i am somewhat intimidating if you dont know me. but she is very outgoing and gets alot of friends and basically can get any1 she wants but she loves me and always says we will end up with each other ect. ect.

She said she is willing not to do it but i cant bring myself to do it 2 her, i know she just wants to be young and have fun and not be tied down.

She has gotten with her ex bf, who was abusive towards her. She no joke got pissed on by him once, she had bruises on her arms because of a recent altercation, but never the less she loved him and wanted to see if it would work again and she basically got played and came to me crying. im a very understanding person so i listened and basically was like, i warned you this would happen i understand why you wanted to see and now you have foundout for yourself. this was a few days ago

Ill add this before i go on, i am somewhat good with tech., and shes got this idea in her head that i can get into her webcam and control it over the internet, which i guess i could if i wanted but i wont. so basically whenever i call her after she logs off aim or something and want to get in contact with her basically ill call twice just so she can find her phone in her purse ect.


Well today i called once and it went all the way thru to voicemail so i was like w/e ill call 1 more time. 2ed time around it rings twice and she picks up all i hear is "Shit" and it hangs up. then her phone is off when i try again. Shortly after she logged off aim and now i basically know she is ****ing someother guy because she tries very hard to talk to me whenever she can because we are so far away,


BUt overall this is my issue im having an Extremly hard time dealing with this open relationship. i dont really eat anymore, or sleep, and im constantly thinking about her. It just really really hurts knowing she is ****ing around. ive only been with her we lost it to each other, but when we broke up she ****ed around and has ****ed atleast 7 guys(atleast the 1s that i know about) and ive only been with her i feel somewhat cheated i guess i dont really know how to describe it but some input would be nice sry for my very scattered writing not thinking very well atm

[cmiles1989]

i guess im a tweak she was just @ library but you can see i sorta tweak i guess i am just really insacure of myself

[Mish]

i guess i dont really know how to describe it but some input would be nice sry for my very scattered writing not thinking very well atm

I guess this setup is not working very well for you. You have two choices. To put up with it and keep all of your understandably strong objectionable feelings to yourself. Or tell her this arrangement doesn't work for you and you can only continue in this relationship if the two of you are exclusive to each other. Be ready that she may choose to leave and you may need to move on.

Neither option will be easier, but I think the later will most likely lead to less suffering than the former.

[cmiles1989]

i thought about breaking it off but i dont know its just hard... we have been best friends for years it just feels like if i let her go im losing alot more then just a gf. She has said she is willing to be exclusive but i feel absolutly terrible, it feels as if im cheating her of her college/life experience


EDIT: when she says that she is willing to be exclusive, its very forced basically as if i was forcing her. I guess i really do need to drop it i tend to tweak and call her excessivly on top of bringing up the topic our relationship more then needed, i know she is becoming annoyed with the nonstop probing of the topic

[Mish]

i thought about breaking it off but i dont know its just hard... we have been best friends for years it just feels like if i let her go im losing alot more then just a gf. She has said she is willing to be exclusive but i feel absolutly terrible, it feels as if im cheating her of her college/life experience

And if you don't go for exclusivity, you are cheating yourself out of a healthy lifestyle and (possibly) years off your life. You know that this open relationship thing is very unhealthy for the both of you.

EDIT: when she says that she is willing to be exclusive, its very forced basically as if i was forcing her. I guess i really do need to drop it i tend to tweak and call her excessivly on top of bringing up the topic our relationship more then needed, i know she is becoming annoyed with the nonstop probing of the topic

I don't think there is any better way. Either be in an exclusive relationship, but move closer to her or visit her more often so the two of you can sufficiently enjoy the advantages of being in a relationship or break it off and move on. Offer exclusivity and some type of a better visiting schedule and see what the reaction is first.

[Gigabitch]

You've really set yourself up for failure, here. I really think you should look at finding some love in your surrounding area, cmiles, because your girlie is certainly availing herself of the local talent where she is.

There's nothing wrong with keeping this connection with her (as long as you're honest about it with any other girls you get together with), but you aren't taking care of yourself.

Sure, you're shy. So what? If you have this great physical connection with Montana girl, you can have it with someone else, too. You just have to open yourself up to the idea.

[cmiles1989]

yea i guess your right giga, ive always basically had her so i never really put myself onto the market

[greenfish7]

mm...go with the same...