Romantic Dilemna (young guy, older woman situation)

[FAndrews]

Hi Forum

It seems love has found me again, well kinda. I have now developed a quite serious crush on a woman at work, but being a overly analytical poor-confidence person about it because of the age difference (slightly more than ten years older, has two children but rather lovely and always a pleasure to be around ) and is my first serious crush on an older woman. this situation only happened after another work friend suggested now nice a couple we would make, which put the idea in my head and made me realise the fond spot i had for her is much more than just a fond spot, and i realise that i like her enough that the age difference doesn't bother me at all. Our friendship has become a lot closer and we have talked and texted every day for nearly five weeks.
But then comes the problem, i have trouble reading signals (i have a minor learning condition known as Dyspraxia which can cause social difficulties) and haven't a clue whether she sees me as more than just a good friend (I'm okay with that, i just want to know for certain, rather than playing a guessing game)the problem is i risk ruining a good friendship but i feel the feelings are too strong that i have to do something about them (my other option is bottling it up and I've tried that before ) so its a case of do I don't I! and how? its nice to be in this situation in a weird way, its just working out how to handle it!
Any advice about what to do and how i go about doing it would be helpful and informative, so thanks

[smackie9]

First off you must be able meet the needs of this woman. She has children and she will be looking for someone to eventually step into the father role and financial supporter.

You should be looking for someone that is more suitable that doesn't have extra added responsabilities. Compatibility is crucial which you are totally over looking....you are just thinking with your lonely guy emotions instead of looking over the whole deal...

[FAndrews]

Thanks for that, it is a sad but painful reality to it, and what the logical part of me is constantly arguing about with my heart so yeah. it is very difficult o get out of her head, all i need is to hear from her or see her and it all starts again

[DalM0m]

Signs that a woman is flirting with you include eye contact, touching you when she talks, laughing at your jokes, taking the initiative to communicate with you and saying flirtatious / risque things. Does she pay more attention to you than anybody else in groups? Does she sit by you in groups? Those are some signs that she is being more than just pleasant.

If your other work friend commented on your potential compatibility, there may be something there.

Have you ever done anything with her outside the office building itself . . . gone to lunch? Gotten a drink? etc. How she behaves then is probably more telling than how she behaves in the work place where she may be maintaining professional decorum.

Have at least a 1st date with her before you consider long term compatability and whether you want to undertake the responsibility of becoming a father figure to her children. If she has a lick of common sense you won't meet the kids for a while. And if you have any compassion for a single mom, you won't string her along if you can't see yourself stepping up to that roll but such decisions at a minimum come well after the 1st date.

[FAndrews]

hmm thanks for that is useful , only some of those signs, no obvious flirting or touching as such, she regularly communicates with me, she does quite often pay more attention to me at work but jduging by what you say she is probably just being her pleasant self. we have arranged to go on a walk before but sadly a family dilemma meant she was unable to though she was the one who asked me!, we are trying to arrange it again but depends on work hours. and yes i have considered the responsibilities but not too much until we actually go on a first date of course, and no i would never string her along, i am too fond of her to even consider that.

[DalM0m]

If she asked you on this walk, I think she's interested. Life happens. Don't hold it against but when it does get resheduled, if you had a good time & feel like things were going well end the encounter by asking for a date. Say something along the lines of "I had fun. I'm enjoying getting to know you outside of work. Do you think you could get a babysitter Friday night so I could take you out to dinner?" Older women don't usually respond well to younger guys' requests to "hang out sometime."

[FAndrews]

Thanks for the suggestion, most of the time i don't think i have a snowballs chance in hell (my self-confidence with relationships is abysmal) and she only sees me as a friend but then i realize she is one who asked me! maybe I'm just reading into this too much. its just getting that walk or outside activity to happen at the moment.

[smackie9]

Be careful....we just had an older woman posting here that hookup with a younger guy she works with. She started sleeping with him because she felt sorry for him and she was lonely. He turned into this love sick guy following her around like a puppy. Now she's posting on here asking us how to get rid of him because she realized that she wants to date someone her own age.

[FAndrews]

Thanks for the warning, i will keep that in my mind its not even a possibility i considered. the last thing i want to do is for anyone to be hurt by my actions

[FAndrews]

Update: well i went ahead with asking her if she wanted to meet up for lunch before work, or have that walk she suggested before and she was interested. but sadly at the moment she is too busy with work (extra hours at another care home and NVQ work) to put towards her holiday, so i suspect she is probably too busy at the moment for anything to happen, and i have decided to play the waiting game and see what happens. any further advice or suggestions?

[Wakeup]

Yes, ask out someone else while you wait. That way you won't be putting all your emotions and efforts into someone who didn't make time for you. I don't know about other women but the one's I all know, would never brush off a date with someone they've been jonesing to be with.

Sorry to be negative but don't put all your chicks in one basket at this point is my suggestion.

[FAndrews]

Nope its not negative its something I've thought of, another friend of mine has offered to take me to a singles night soon and plus I'm persevering with my online dating so you never know, gotta keep my options open i suppose.

P.S i never did ask her out, its just as a friend thing, she doesn't know how i feel at the moment just trying to find the right opportunity. can't get her out of my though!

[FAndrews]

Update: thanks to your advice, i can now watch out for any signs that she is interested in me in that way, and sadly it seems unless she hides it well, she only lies me as a friend and hasn't a clue about how i feel. it seems to just be a silly idea in my head that grew thanks to a friends suggestion so unless something happens to tell me otherwise i am going to leave this to fade away time to focus on other options. still kind of sucks though bit of a harsh truth and at least nobody gets hurt except me, and no friendships get damaged.

[MaxHeadroom]

Hey FAndrews, sorry to hear, but in that case it is probably for the best. Keep trying the online dating and get out and mingle whenever the opportunity strikes. That is the same place I am in right now to, as you already know. Someone on here mention to me to try meetup.com to get more social. I am going to try that soon too; could help us both

[FAndrews]

Yeah I've come to realise that it is probably for the best, though it still kind of sucks it was a pretty intense crush, it just sucks that yet again a chance at romance fails and yet again the feelings only go one way. Is meetup.com America only or is it all over the place?