should we do this so we can benefit??

[Kelly001]

I realize this is very long but if you would be willing to read through my current situation I would greatly appreciate any feedback you could provide.
I am currently almost 19 years old and very goal-oriented and focused. I am going to school to become a radiologist and I have an amazing boyfriend (who is 20) of almost a year & a half. We are best friends, in love, and we have even talked about the possibility of one day marrying. Things between us couldn't be better it seems. I would love to finish school, save up a couple thousand dollars, and have a beautiful fairytale wedding one day but I realized that if I were married now, me and my boyfriend could essentially get our bachelor's degrees for free by receiving financial aid from the school.
The way it stands now, both of our parents make WAY too much money to qualify for any financial aid. We have no savings for college and our parent's money is spread too thin on their finances to help us out at all, so we would have to put EVERYTHING under student loans. I really would rather not do that because for me to get my doctorate degree and for my boyfriend to get his bachelor's degree it would add up close to $100,000 of student loans plus all of the interest! The only good thing is we wouldn't have to pay anything until after we were finished with school. Just thinking about that figure makes me want to be something else...
Basically, all of the money that could be spent on a nice wedding would probably just have to go towards our school loans for a long time.
If we were to get married now, we would have to tell our families because we both don't believe in hiding things like that from them... which would be hard.. We are both quite young, and although we are adults, looking from the outside in, we are look like the typical young eager couple who wants to marry and in about 5 years will probably get a nasty divorce or have regrets, etc. In my heart I have no doubts about us and our future, but with the potential stress of school who knows how our relationship could be honestly. - That seems to be my boyfriend's biggest concern. He thinks that maybe marriage will change us and maybe we will become a statistic like a lot of the other couples who became newlyweds at a new age. I have read up on it and from what people say, marriage does not change any major dynamic of a relationship unless you haven't had sex yet, which we have... We already live together and have been sharing money for over a year with no problems. We pay bills together (rent, car, car insurance etc) Another issue with marriage is that we would be dropped from our parent's insurance and we would have to get on our own plan... I don't plan to get health insurance but my boyfriend has made it clear that he wants it so for him to go through school with healthcare coverage it would be about $100 a month so that would be about $5,000 while he gets his bachelor's degree. - BUT we would not have to pay for nearly any school and NO interest... we would just both have to work a few extra days/hours a month to pay for the extra amount or somehow get a small student or private loan.

So what do you think? Get married now, get married through just the court system, not have to pay for college, but have to deal with family on our backs and have to work a little extra to pay for monthly healthcare?

OR

Wait 5 or 10 years until we are both done with school, have a beautiful , memorable, wedding with all of our family's support and then have around $100,000 worth of student loans to pay off?

What do you think?

[UKboy]

Remeber the sub prime mortgage crisis?
Man people don't learn do they?

[damn2008]

I guess it racks up to what marriage means to you. Sounds like your idea of getting married to get out of future bills is MENTALLY a good idea...but how it pans out EMOTIONALLY and REALISTICALLY can be a different story. However, there are young married couples in college so you wouldn't be alone.

I personally would not get married for the convenience of getting out of future bills (I won't deny your idea is smart though) but that is a determination you have to think about. And it sounds like you're very smart and are looking at all the aspects of this.

[Cbrider]

You're too young to get married, you might think you're ready, but honestly your boyfriend isn't even done physically changing into his true adult body.

The statistics for people marrying at your age are really grim, many end in costly and painful divorces. You could easily rack up divorce lawyer bills that amount to more than school did and you would have gone through it all only to spend more in the end.

Someone that I loved told me they wanted to marry me and I felt the same way. That person decided they had feelings for another person in our lives so I broke it off. Imagine where I could have ended up.

I might be a little extreme in my explanation, but its a possibility no matter how much you love each other.

[Lite]

Here's a tip. That "NICE WEDDING" you're talking about actually has NO EFFECT on how successful your marriage will be. It doesn't affect your life, it doesn't affect your job. It puts you in debt. Have small wedding, throw big cheap party, spend more on the honeymoon than the wedding. The end.

[Gigabitch]

I just dropped a huge pile of money on a "nice wedding". I don't recommend it.

[IndiReloaded]

Have small wedding, throw big cheap party, spend more on the honeymoon than the wedding. The end.

This^.

Focus on your education. Have a long engagement. A modest wedding. I would wait until you are both at least 25.

Husband & I are both professionals. Both attended graduate school, now married with good, stable jobs. The money that could have gone to a big wedding we spent on our first home down payment and paying cash for our first car when our son was on his way.

We are now, 20 years later, financially better off than most ppl we know. Able to retire much earlier than many ppl can.

The choices you make now, when you are young, will compound in your 30s and 40s to set your 'lifestyle ceiling'. Be smart, invest where the returns will be highest and don't buy into the consumerist mindset that you will only suffer for later.

The best advice I have for young ppl these days is to think of ALL your expenditures as an INVESTMENT. What kind of return will you get?
Do not think of SPENDING money, ever. You should always get something back for your hard-earned money. Money, after all, is a bartering tool. Think about what that might be, what the longterm effect of those gains are, and then decide whether its something that will be truly worth it.

[bluesummer]

The advice here is all really good.

You sound like you've already got your future all tied up with this guy, which isn't terribly realistic. I know you probably love him a lot, but you're very young and haven't been together THAT long......you've still got a lot of changing to do, and there's no guarantee you guys will still be right for each other in a couple of years. Focus on your personal goals, and if your futures happen to tie together after you've accomplished what you wach want to accomplish, consider marriage then. There's other ways to get through school. Student lines of credit or student loans from the bank are one (that's how I'm doing it right now). It may not be the way you ideally WANT to do it, but if you want your education bad enough, you'll figure out a way.

[carl1222]

I applaud you for taking a lot of responsibility for your financial future. I would opt for a small inexpensive wedding if that's what you want, that's up to you, not your family. It's YOUR wedding, not theirs. Also, if your wealthy parents refuse (or are unable) to help, and YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED ... then the financial benefit of emancipation may make marriage a good economic choice. Yet I agree that you both are very young to be getting married right now.

Having said that, indulge me an off-topic observation. I find it quite chilling that a decision such as whether or when to get married is reduced to a financial decision. I almost get the sense that for you, "in love" is almost a footnote. Too many people put "heart over head" in romantic decisions for sure, but it's also possible to put "head over heart" too much as well. It should be a balance.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Just to make a personal point: I would be MUCH more prepared to help my son & his partner with a house or education than a wedding.