How do I help my girlfriend hear me?

[biscuit]

Hello,

I'm currently with my girlfriend of about a year now, and I need some help or recommendations as to how to talk to her about her depression.

She not handling her emotions well, in that she expects the worse out of social situations between me and my friends, and then becomes catatonicly depressed about it.

I'm 25, and like to have fun socially with certain drugs. She is not as entertained by them, which is a change in her, considering we fell in love after tripping together at an REM concert.

Since then, she has decided she wants to grow up and take life as seriously as any 40 year old would.

So from time to time I, still acting like a 25 year old, will get a little out of control at a bar or at a party.

And by out of control, I don't mean violent, or angry, just... silly and not sharp.

So now, every time I want to get a little loose, she gets extremely insecure and depressed... to the point where it ruins her week.

She says that she is concerned about my health, but god knows that she has done everything that I have up to this point, and has just decided that she is stopping.

This is a problem because I'm not quite ready for that. And she takes my desire to keep partying for a couple more years as a sign that I do not love or care for her, and she gets very angry and depressed.

The anger and depression are driving me away from her. She says she does it because she loves me so much and doesn't want to see me die.

I laugh at this because I'm not even close to having a problem... she just expects that the worse is going to happen, and that I'm all of a sudden going to jump into a life-endangering habit.

I have become so put off by her constant negative thinking and depression, that I have caught myself becoming interested in other girls.

This is the last thing I want. I've made a commitment to this girl and I want to keep it, she has a great heart and cares for me very much... but I don't know how to tell her my feelings about this without driving her further into her doubt anger and depression...

help?

Thank you,

-biscuit

[Cain]

Are you saying that she's 40? Or that she acts 40 because she doesn't want to do drugs any longer?

For the record, this is how habits start. It begins as just a fun little hobby that eventually morphs into a bigger habit. If you don't believe that then you're simply in denial.

If you're willing to choose drugs over her then you obviously don't care enough about her and so it's probably better that you end this relationship now so she can find someone else.

[Henry123]

Just to be blunt. I think she has matured and you havnt.
She understands she is 40 and has to be more responsible with her life. She also wants a guy who is responsible and can take care of him self. She at the age where she probably wants a child soon. The biological time clock is ticking for her. I think she understands that. You seemingly dont.
She has to make a decision soon to either stay with you or dump you if she wants to have a child. A partner who does drugs and partying is someone she doesnt see as parenting material. Someone who is unable to take care of her or her child or hold the responsibility as an adult.

Taking drugs can be a slippery slope. Those who are addicted dont want to admit it. And those few who do are generally reluctant to get help. She wants some sort of secure partner. Something (from what I can tell so far) havnt been demonstrated or proven to her.

[starbuck]

I guess you need to choose which means more to you at this point: your partying lifestyle or your girlfriend. Because I doubt you're going to have it both ways.

Honestly, who can blame your girlfriend for being concerned that her boyfriend seems to want to extend his adolescence into his late twenties? More power to her for being over the excessive partying phase of her life. And by the way, people live more "settled down" lives at all ages, not just when they're 40.

Why is partying so important to you? Are you worried you'll be bored or boring without drugs?