How to handle this situation?

[DreamingSoul]

So my boyfriend and I recently got back together after a one week break up. We are pretty close and have been dating for about a year and five months now and the whole reason for the break up was just a whole messy situation in which my boyfriend says he regrets a lot.

During that week however, him and his close friend that I use to be jealous of a lot, (Let's call her Annie), spent quite a bit of time together. They had been good friends since middle school and usually hung out a lot and she was even close to his family, so I would get, unfortunately, pretty jealous over her at times which would cause arguments between me and my boyfriend. Yet despite all of my jealousy I never asked them to stop being friends. It was something I never wanted and so I tried hard to overcome my jealousy over her, but sometimes because of her overall personality I just found it harder and harder to even try to be friends with her. Then again maybe it was just me.

ANYWAY! Before the whole break up they both said that nothing would ever happen between them and that it was ridiculous that I would even think about things like that. Haha, well two days after the break up Annie confessed that she liked my boyfriend for about a year and they both had kissed. My boyfriend said he felt disgusted as soon as he had done it and regretted it. She was like a sister to him and it felt weird. Well....just a few days later I come back into the picture and she got really pissed at both of us. Saying how my boyfriend lead her on and that basically we were just wasting our times trying to work things out.

My boyfriend did apologize and tried to rekindle their friendship and pretend like nothing happened since he didn't want their friendship to end that way. Her and my boyfriend are friends again and for the moment i'm ok with it, as long as i'm not around. I'm not saying anything against it anymore yet I still feel pretty upset about the whole situation of what had happened. I'm angry at both of them for lying and angry at her because she should of known better about waiting a while longer before confessing.

Basically all I want is to know how to handle this situation. I'm not stopping their friendship but at the same time I don't want to try to be friends with her anymore after everything that's happened. I just don't want to be around her, yet since she's still pretty close with his family i'm not sure how all of this is going to play out and i'm afraid they may invite her along with them on trips and such.

So yeah...any help would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry that this is so long and rushed out. I have to leave for work in about an hour so i'm trying to get things together.

[Starkiller]

Sounds like in the worst case, he was using her as a rebound or to make you jealous. But in (what I think this is) the best case he simply just needed some emotional support, and she was available, and now that you two are back together he's done with it, and she is just salty that she didn't end up w/ him. IMO, you don't have to be friends w/ her at all, your relationship is more important anyway right? In that respect, I think if you just keep doing what you're doing (not making demands about their friendship, etc...) everything should be fine.

[sunny2011]

I would be very upset also. Since she is a family friend, that makes it especially hard to insist that the friendship ends. She is the person who needs to gain respect here. I would need assurance from her that if she chooses to remain his friend, that she also chooses to respect his relationship with you. As time goes on she might always try to come between you two. And of course, assurance from him that he has absolutely no more than friendly feelings for her. Good luck

[DreamingSoul]

He was basically using her as just a rebound. He said that all he wanted was to forget everything that happened and since she was the one who confessed everything after only two days, he tried it. She was, like I said, pretty pissed about it and went off on him even though it was her fault as well. She was pretty much the one who started the whole thing so in a sense I think she deserved what she had coming. I don't feel bad for her at all. At the same time i'm still upset at my boyfriend too for even going for it, but I understand why. I just don't trust the two of them as much anymore.

I give up with their friendship. They can still be friends all they want so long as i'm not around or his family doesn't invite her around as often. I just don't want to be friends with her anymore after all that's happened and i'm pretty sure she doesn't either. Especially since she thinks i'm always bad for my boyfriend. I just don't know how this is all going to blow over.

My boyfriend, thankfully, respects my decision and won't try making us be friends. Though i'm not too sure on how his family will be about it....and that's what worries me. They like her and me both a lot and so it may be a little tough on them, but i'm not asking them to choose. I just want a little consideration before they invite her a long on trips with the family.......

[DreamingSoul]

Yeah, and since she is a family friend it makes me worry from time to time. Especially since his parents like to invite her to things randomly. I'm not too sure how things are going to go with them.

Neither of us want to be around the other. I'm tired of hearing how I don't deserve my boyfriend and how I will never change. Nothing hurts more than to hear that so i'm done being her friend. We have tried being friends but because of how close she was to his family and my boyfriend I would, unfortunately, get pretty jealous so I do have plenty of blame on that part, but it was mainly just her I ever seriously got jealous of. I loved all of his other friends but she was the one I was always uneasy about. I always felt like I didn't belong in his family anymore when she was around, so yeah.

She won't respect me or anything I say. She's pretty stubborn in that department. Hopefully the relationship me and my boyfriend have is pretty strong enough to endure whatever she throws at us.

[Starkiller]

IMO, if a relationship can be destroyed by what an outsider says, friend/family/whatever, it wasn't very strong in the first place.

[sunny2011]

Yes unfortunately sounds like this will be an ongoing strain on your relationship weather you want that or not. Guess its a matter of how you and your Bf will always handle it.

[bulrush]

Neither of us want to be around the other. I'm tired of hearing how I don't deserve my boyfriend and how I will never change. Nothing hurts more than to hear that so i'm done being her friend.

A friend would never say something like that about you, to you or behind your back. I think she was done being your friend a long time ago.

[DreamingSoul]

A friend would never say something like that about you, to you or behind your back. I think she was done being your friend a long time ago.

Yeah, I had that feeling. She never really tried much, she mainly teased everything I was into or how I acted. It annoyed me quite a bit. She was just the only friend of his I ever felt off with and I guess ever since she found out about how I felt she started getting more distant and hateful about it. She started saying how, to my boyfriend, we were never good for each other. That she rather him be without someone other than me if it wasn't HER.

Yeah. I never really believed we'd ever be good friends. I do feel guilty about everything that has happened and I wish things turned out differently, but at least I know i'm not the only one who needs to change. She went through a rough time with her recent ex and so she believes that hardly anyone can change and that he's wasting his time.....

[Kaius]

You guys sound really young... what are you 16? 18?
If you are this young, then I suggest you take it easy and not think too much about it.
Life-long friends are waaaaaayyy more valuable than a girlfriend. I don't think you should
be too emotional about this. I mean, in 10 years, they will still be friends.... But
you will not likely be together in 10 years, so just relax and let things play out.

[DreamingSoul]

Yeah? So I just shouldn't try anymore since we're more than likely not going to last? Hm.

They are good friends. I'm letting them stay friends and let them do whatever, I just don't want a part of it anymore. I get the whole friends come before boyfriends/girlfriends deal. I favor that idea myself, however there are some exceptions. Especially towards how your friend treats your significant other or visa versa. We all want respect, especially in relationships.

Whatever happens, happens. I'm not letting this situation get the better of me especially since I know i'm still young, but we both still have feelings for one another and want it to work out as much as we can. Like any young couple.

[gigigi]

just my two cents, but i think you would be totally justified in asking him to cool down his friendship with her- he doesn't have to never talk to her, but i don't see why he needs to be spending this much time with her. in fact, i would even recommend this, since she seems more like a toxic interloper in your relationship than a normal friend of his. in a committed long-term relationship it's not normal for friends to always come before the significant other, and if he consistently places his friends above you, that sounds like a problem to me.